It is currently Wed Aug 05, 2020 9:36 am




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 12 posts ] 
 why is it so hard??? 
Author Message

Joined: Wed Jul 02, 2008 6:57 pm
Posts: 22
Location: otorohanga
Post why is it so hard???
My partner and I lost our wee child to miscarriage on the 21st may 2008, at the time it broke both of our hearts, now today is 6 weeks later i feel i cannot move on, people around me have said you can try for another one, but they dont understand i had my child growing inside of me i had a bond with my child, i knew from the moment i knew i was pregnant she was going to be a girl and we named her shanti.
people around me say just be gratful you still have the other three, but they dont understand i feel like screaming at them MY BABY IS REAL! why is it so hard for people to understand a miscarriage, is the same as anything else and why is it so hard for me to move on?


Wed Jul 02, 2008 7:05 pm
Profile
User avatar

Joined: Tue Jan 03, 2006 9:19 pm
Posts: 890
Post 
Awww hun, big hugs! I struggled with the exact same thing in the weeks and months after our loss, I ended up writing it all down which helped and it's now in the stories section of The Lost Ones called Why it Still Hurts. I couldn't understand why losing such a tiny lil bean could hurt so much, and affect me so deeply.
But a loss is a loss, no matter how small it may seem, and you have every right to grieve. I hope you find the same support and encouragement here that I did, I couldn't have gotten thru without the lovely ladies I found here.

_________________
Mummy to Maya Grace 28-02-03
Sienna and Mercedes 14-10-06
And 2 angel babies - 03/95 and 01/06
Image
Image
www.babiesonline.com/babies/m/mayadavis
www.babiesonline.com/babies/g/gremlins


Wed Jul 02, 2008 10:01 pm
Profile
User avatar

Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2008 9:04 pm
Posts: 740
Location: Dunedin
Post 
:grphug: Hugs sweet. Shanti was, is and always will be a big part of your life. You will always remember her and love her. I don't think people understand unless they have felt the loss of a child, what ever stage of pregnancy or after, it hurts. Its not something that you can "get over". Yes you still have your other three but in your heart you have four. Remember we are all here for you.
I lost my wee Georgia on 11 January 08, she was stillborn at 26 weeks gestation and while some days my emotions are fine, other days I find them getting away on me. I imagine it will be like this for the rest of our lives until we are reunited with our Angels.

_________________
Tracey

Image

Image Image

Image

ImageImage


Thu Jul 03, 2008 1:21 pm
Profile E-mail
User avatar

Joined: Fri Feb 15, 2008 9:03 pm
Posts: 528
Location: Christchurch
Post 
:bighug: Shanti's Mum (beautiful name by the way!). I'm really sorry to welcome you to this group that no-one ever wants to belong to. As the others have said, no-one can really understand your feelings of loss and unfortunately people DO say insentitive things along the way that we all have to deal with.

At the end of the day grieving is greiving and you need to allow yourself time to go through the roller coaster of emotions that come with it.

We are here for you.

Take care xox

_________________
Tanya

Image
Image
Image


Thu Jul 03, 2008 5:41 pm
Profile E-mail WWW

Joined: Mon Sep 18, 2006 11:30 pm
Posts: 666
Post 
:bighug:

_________________
Image
Éloïse
Image
my angel Chloé
Aidan Image


Fri Jul 04, 2008 11:59 am
Profile
User avatar

Joined: Tue Jan 29, 2008 12:50 pm
Posts: 708
Location: Auckland
Post 
((((Hugs)))). I am so sorry to hear of your loss. The loss of a child is the hardest thing to endure, at whatever gestation, as you are losing all of the hopes and dreams you had for that child, and for your family.

You have every right to grieve for and remember this child. Shanti is one of your children and a part of your family - don't let anybody tell you differently :(

Be kind to yourself, and do what you have to - don't worry about the insensitives of this world - if they are ever unfortunate enough to have to be in this situation, they may understand one day.

Take Care

Yvonne

_________________
Yvonne

Image

Image

Image


Fri Jul 04, 2008 3:35 pm
Profile E-mail
User avatar

Joined: Tue Apr 15, 2008 5:17 pm
Posts: 151
Location: Auckland
Post 
Your baby is real, and Shanti will always be your daugther and fourth child.

As the other ladies have said, I tend to have found that unless someone has lost a baby they really can't understand your pain and generally have no idea what to say. In my case I have found people tend to say things they think will make you feel better but they usually end up saying something wrong or don't realise that words don't make it better. The people I was most comfortable with were the ones who simply said they didn't know what to say.

I have found that by talking about our daughter with people affirms she is real and helps make them understand I want her remembered and talked about, she is a very real and large part of our family.

Take care.

_________________
Tania

Image

Image

Image


Fri Jul 04, 2008 5:10 pm
Profile

Joined: Wed Jul 02, 2008 6:57 pm
Posts: 22
Location: otorohanga
Post thank you so much
reading the amount of support i have recieved from this group has brought tears to my eyes, no sorry made me cry, nothing will ever change within me with shanti, i am always gonna love her and will never forget her, right now at this point of time three days after we lost our girl, a pair of white pants turnt up in the mail that we had brought of trade me, that broke my heart even more, i now sleep with those pants under my pillow.

i have had an experince with her, i dreamt that i saw her when she was 1 yr old and she looked s much like her dad, she was with an old lady (whom i found out later was her dads nana), it was like she was talking to me, and she said plain and clearly, i am ok mummy, dont grieve for me but be happy u were able to have me for a little while, i love you mummy.

i then woke up and my partner was sitting up in bed with tears down this face, when i asked him what was wrong he told excatly what i had dreamt.

we had a balloon with some ribbon which we tied to our bedroom ceiling with my engagement ring and a wrist rattle toy we had brought for her. we have no draft or any wind in our room and this balloon would move from me to my partner everynight before we go to sleep. it has been up there for nearly 2 months and just recently the balloon has turnt 90 degrees and faced the window me and my partner were talking about it and while we were talking it popped.

i like to think of it as a sign that she was going to the other side.

but i thank you this group for the support i have recieved.


Mon Jul 07, 2008 4:24 pm
Profile
User avatar

Joined: Thu Dec 14, 2006 3:08 pm
Posts: 1708
Location: Rotorua
Post 
:shock: Holy Smokes Shanti's Mum!!! Those experiences have give me chills!! It is lovely that Shanti has given both you and DH the chance to know that she is alright and that she is being looked after.
Remember that she is always with you looking over your shoulder and giving you angel kisses when you both need them.

_________________
Image
Image
ImageImage


Mon Jul 07, 2008 6:24 pm
Profile E-mail WWW
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jul 14, 2005 8:06 pm
Posts: 1455
Location: Auckland
Post 
((hugs)) honey - some people just dont understand and it does - it really hurts ((hugs))

_________________
ImageImageImage
ImageImage
Image
~*Mummy to now SIX angels ~ I miss you my babies ~


Wed Jul 09, 2008 3:56 pm
Profile E-mail

Joined: Wed Jul 02, 2008 6:57 pm
Posts: 22
Location: otorohanga
Post thanks peeps
:D:D::D:D::D

_________________
Image
Image
Image
Image


Sat Jul 12, 2008 3:38 pm
Profile

Joined: Wed Jul 02, 2008 6:57 pm
Posts: 22
Location: otorohanga
Post 
let me try again sorry just seeing if the signture comes up

_________________
Image
Image
Image
Image


Sat Jul 12, 2008 3:41 pm
Profile
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 12 posts ] 


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB © phpBB Group.
Designed by Vjacheslav Trushkin for Free Forums/DivisionCore.