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 My story. Ryliegh Ella-Paige. You were real to me xx 
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Joined: Wed Jun 18, 2008 10:56 pm
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Post My story. Ryliegh Ella-Paige. You were real to me xx
I've always been a little hesitant about writting Ryleigh's story, but i met a lady, her story was much like my own and she was so brave sharing it, so i too can be brave.. For a year after what happened, i never told a sole. Noone but Ryleigh's 'dad' and i knew the truth but four years on, i guess im ready to be heard.

I was fourteen when i met Ryleigh's 'dad', i hate calling him that, but i guess thats what he is wether i like it or not. He was a year older than me and did all the right things to make me feel special. Wed been going out a month maybe when he wanted to take things to the next level, i didnt. But he didnt care he made it happen anyway (i wont get into details, im sure you can all guess.) and two days later he broke up with me. Just before my 15th birthday, i found out i was pregnant. I had never been so scared in my life, i cried and cried and as i was so young and confused, i kept it to myself.

On the 17th of feb 05 Ryleigh's 'dad' came to see me. He said he was sorry and he loved me and wanted me back, i told him i didn't want him and asked him to leave. He started getting angry and pushed me up against a wall, I screamed at him to stop and whispered "please don't hurt my baby," All i remember after this is my stomach being punched time after time till i fell to the ground. I went to bed that night with a pain in my stomach, it was so bad i cried myself to sleep and woke constantly all night. I had never felt so scared or alone. I woke up around 3am to my bed covered in blood. I tried to stand up but the a pain was so bad that just to walk sent tears down my face. My parents had gone away, so i washed my sheets and left the house without seeing them.

I kept my secret deep inside me, only crying when i was alone, and writting in the book i started to keep my feelings in. I knew in my heart she was a girl, and named her Ryleigh. She was my special little fairy. To this day, i have probably only told ten to twelve people, and i never told my mum or dad. I recently told my sister, because she too lost a baby.

I never replied to the calls or txt's Ryleigh's dad has sent me over the years and havnt seen him in 3 years, the one time i did i turned around and ran out of the shop. Ive heard stories, and i know he's in and out of jail and probably re-hab for drug abuse but i have tried to contact him. I hate him. Not for what he did to me, but what he did to his baby.
Parents are there to protect their children. NOT HARM THEM. And as far as i am concern, he very much harmed his baby. As her mum, i would have given anything, just to keep her safe.

I believe my little fairy now lives in the sky, and when i look up and see the brightest star there, i know shes watching over me.

I have been thru a tough four years, but i can keep going because my daughter has given me the strength to do so. I've come so far but still have so far to go. But i now believe i am a better person, i am much stronger. I never liked who i was before, and thats because of him. But i like who i am now, and thats because of her.

Ryleigh. I love you. Thank you baby. You were always real to me



Wed Jun 18, 2008 11:12 pm
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Joined: Thu Jun 19, 2008 3:23 pm
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Wow you are so brave! Im sorry to hear what happened and how lonely you must have felt for those years keeping it inside. I had a stillbirth on March 11 a wee boy he was 31 weeks but looked so perfect. Ive found it hard as things have moved on and i feel guilty if i dont feel sad. Well you stay strong and im pleased you could share with your sister and maybe one day you can let your parents know.


Thu Jun 19, 2008 4:01 pm
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Joined: Tue Feb 26, 2008 7:31 am
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Location: Manukau City
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I have tears reading your story. So sad, you are so brave, I am so sorry that this has happened to you. It is rotten. But I am happy that you have found this site. The ladies here are very supportive. I lost my son, 27 weeks with no reason for the cause of death and I have found this site at many many times my life line. I cannot even begin to understand what you must have been thru these years but please feel free to talk if you need to.

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Thu Jun 19, 2008 6:07 pm
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Joined: Fri Feb 15, 2008 9:03 pm
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Location: Christchurch
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Dear FairyMum :bighug: to you. What an awful thing you have been through. We all feel for you. As the others have said, I'm sure you will find this site a huge support.

Take care
xox

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Thu Jun 19, 2008 9:06 pm
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Joined: Tue Jan 29, 2008 12:50 pm
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Hi Fairymum,

(((Big Hugs))) sweet. I'm am so sorry that you had to go through all of that. It is so tragic to lose a child when there seem to be no reasons or when it is due to medical reasons, but to have to endure what you did, is just so horrible.

Our thoughts are with you and I look forward to getting to know you and your angel Ryleigh better.

Take Care
Yvonne

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Fri Jun 20, 2008 10:11 am
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Joined: Tue Jan 29, 2008 12:50 pm
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Hi Jaydee,

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet little angel Boy (((Hugs))).

I know what you mean about feeling guilty about moving on - I think it is a pretty common emotion in our situation. We may get better and start getting back into life again, however our little angels are always in our thoughts and by our side. Life is quite different for us after losing a child, but it seems that everybody else is just back in there normal :(

I look forward to getting to know you and your angel better.

Take care

Yvonne

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Fri Jun 20, 2008 10:19 am
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Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 10:47 am
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First I want to say well done for feeling like you are ready to share what happened to you and to your Baby, what a huge thing to carry around inside of you for all these years!
What a horrid situation to be in.
I hope noe you have talked about it that you will feel peace in knowing Ryleigh now has been given the acknowledgement she deserves. Well done.

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Sun Jun 22, 2008 10:46 am
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thank you all for your lovely, kind words and i am very sorry to read all your stories and hear of your losses xxxxxxx


Mon Jun 23, 2008 8:00 pm
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Joined: Sun Sep 02, 2007 8:27 pm
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wow, that just rips into your heart, i am so very sorry you had to go through something like that, and i commend you for sharing your story, it takes a lot of courage to do that...

Remember we are all her for you and each other, and if you find the going tough just come in here and vent away.

***HUGS***


Tue Jun 24, 2008 5:44 pm
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Joined: Thu Jul 14, 2005 8:06 pm
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honey ((hugs)) you did well sharing that story

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Wed Jul 09, 2008 3:55 pm
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Thank you all for your beautiful words.


Sun Jul 20, 2008 11:44 pm
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Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2008 12:02 am
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Wow that is so sad. You did what I did afterwards as well. I was scared when I miscarried that I didn't tell anyone till now.


Tue Sep 02, 2008 10:08 am
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Joined: Tue Jan 29, 2008 12:50 pm
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Hey Smurf-girl,

Welcome to the forum. (((Hugs))) Sorry for the loss of your little one :(
I hope, now that you have been able to tell your story, that you have lots of support from those around you.

Please feel free to post whenever you feel like it, as you have found a supportive group of ladies at TLO. :)

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Tue Sep 02, 2008 11:14 am
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:grphug: welcome Smurf-girl, Sorry to hear about your wee Angel.

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Tue Sep 02, 2008 11:51 am
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Hi Smurf-girl welcome to the club no one wants to belong in, hope you find as much comfort as I have here. Hayley

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Tue Sep 02, 2008 2:45 pm
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Just wanted to say :bighug: :bighug: :bighug:

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Wed Sep 03, 2008 3:06 am
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Thank you

I will one day write up my story, even thou it happened just under 7 years ago in October it is still so fresh in my mind.

I have 2 lovely little boys now and they are great and one day when they are old enough I will let them know that they have a little sister (I was sure she was a girl) who is an angel watching them.


Wed Sep 03, 2008 11:16 am
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