The LOST Ones
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Feeling the same again
http://www.thelostones.co.nz/phpbb3/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=1376		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  Vanessa [ Sun Oct 19, 2008 1:08 pm ]
Post subject:  Feeling the same again
Is it unusual to feel like you have lost your angel all over again on your due date? I have spent this entire weekend in a daze, feeling like im not in my body and that its happening all over again. As this is my first miscarriage i have know idea what i am feeling. I am longing so much for a baby and am scared that i just want to be pregnant to fill the void that was left when my wee angel went back to heaven :oops: . I am 25 and am forever hearing people say you have plenty of time and it will happen one day, i know this but that doesnt make it any easier :cry: . If anyone feels like sharing some words of wisdom whether a public message or private then i will be thankful for it.
Author:  TrinityClair [ Sun Oct 19, 2008 1:24 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hi Vanessa,
Welcome to our wee family, but sorry you have a reason to join us. No doubt the girls will have a wealth of words for you.
Your feelings are totally normal, due dates are a hard time, as are anniversaries. People really just don't know what to say so they think by telling you that you have loads of time and it will happen will make you feel better, they don't know, they don't mean to upset you I'm sure. Perhaps let them know in a subtle way, that you do know that, but it doesn't make your loss any less painful. It doesn't make it any less painful, you had dreams for you baby, and those dream were lost along with bub, it's heartbreaking.
You will know when the time is right, you will know that you're not filling the void your wee angle left, any new baby that comes along is just that, a new baby, a new life, new dreams, new hopes. When you do decide to try again, we will all be there for you, pregnancy after a loss is a whole other ball game.
(((hugs))) remember, your feelings are normal, be kind to yourself.
Author:  Vanessa [ Sun Oct 19, 2008 1:29 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thank you Manda,

I sometimes feel like im banging my head against a brick wall. Thank you for your kind words :)
Author:  smurf_girl [ Sun Oct 19, 2008 4:31 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hi Vanessa,

I totally get what you meant. Tomorrow is the anniversary of my MC, It happened 7 years ago and it is still raw (spose doesn't help that AF decided to grace me today, and bring back memories).

I don't feel like I have filled that babies spot by either of my children as I took 3 years to become pregnant again (and with another partner), and I feel so strongly that I was caring a girl first.
Author:  Vanessa [ Sun Oct 19, 2008 4:45 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hey smurf girl,

Im not with the father of the baby i misscarried he left me the minute i found out i was pregnant and only came down when i had large blood loss to see if i had lost the baby..... but thats a whole other story :rant: .

I have always wanted children from very very young age and would quite happily have a baby now my concern is what others may think, eg its to fill a gap. Things like that. That and im with a new partner and we are not at that stage yet, however we have said if it happens its ment to be.

I have no idea or feeling as to what sex i was carrying so i have been thinkin about unisex names that i can choose for a naming ceremony i want to have at some stage.

Sorry for your loss too, and am glad you have got other babies :)
I also have a huge fear that i may not fall pregnant again. Silly worry i know but a worry all the same.
Author:  Julia's Mum [ Sun Oct 19, 2008 6:08 pm ]
Post subject: 
Vanessa, what you are feeling is totally normal and is one of the heartbreaking things that we all have to go through as the Mothers of Angels. I would love to say that it gets easier and that the pain eases... but alas I dont know that for sure yet. As the others have said, if or when you decide that the time is right to try again, you will never replace your angel that you have lost, it will be about moving on.

Please know that we are all here for you if you ever need to "talk"...
Author:  Liam'sMum [ Sun Oct 19, 2008 6:31 pm ]
Post subject: 
Vanessa - it was lovely to chat with you the other night online. Welcome again to the club that no-one wants to below to. The other ladies have really said it and we can all understand completely what you are feeling. I too had a fear that I would never fall PG again and yet it happened fairly easily considering our daughter was IVF, Liam was natural and this one is natural also.

We are all here for you and I hope that things have been better for you today.

:bighug: :bighug: :bighug:
Author:  GG's Mum [ Sun Oct 19, 2008 7:45 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hi Vanessa, I can understand how you are feeling. We lost our wee girl on 11th Jan this year at 26 weeks gestation. I am now coming into my 30th week with my second baby. I was fearful as to how others would take it, but it is a decision that my partner and I made together, that is all that matters. You will know when you are ready, to be honest sometimes I don't know now that I am!! GG's due date was a tough one for me, as will be her 1st Angel Birthday. But I don't think my feelings will change. Your Angel will always be with you. Go with your heart. :bighug:
Author:  mayasmummy [ Sun Oct 19, 2008 9:59 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hugs Vanessa! If there's one thing our angel baby taught me it's that there is no right or wrong way to grieve - we all have our own ways of grieving and dealing with things.
I got pregnant again very quickly after my last loss and now have four beautiful girls but that tiny hole is still there and I don't think it will ever go away. It did take me a long time to realise that I can't fill that hole with more babies, each child is a blessing but it doesn't stop the hurt.
Author:  Satori Star [ Mon Oct 20, 2008 8:48 am ]
Post subject: 
((((Hugs)))) Vanessa,

It sounds like you have been through some rough times this year. I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your little angel, but please know that he/she will always be with you. At whatver stage the loss happens, it is life changing as you have so many hopes ans dreams for that baby :(

Anniversaries are the hardest part, however I fiind its the build up to the anniversary that gets me more, often on the day I have already used all of my tears.

I have done something on the 14th of every month for our angel Satori, however we are coming up to her 1st Birthday on November 14th, and the build up has already started. Its such a hard thing to deal with - i wish I could rewind a year, and I would be 33wks pg and happilygetting ready for her to be here.

Anyway, take care and be kind to yourself sweet.
Author:  Vanessa [ Tue Oct 21, 2008 5:58 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hey everyone,

Thank you for your kind and wonderful words :love2:
Have been stuck in hospital with horrible pains in my tummy, saw doctors last week and they ruled out eptopic pregnany (any pregnancy for that matter) and thought that it was just mid cycle pain.
So saw doc again today and they did an internal :gaah: and took swabs and sent me home.
Thought all was over then the phone rang and it was the gynie team wanting me to come in and have more swabs :wall: so i went in and she said all looked well but until the results come back its heat packs and panadol.
So sitting here with my heat pack and my panadol havin a blah feelin blah.
Hope everyone else is well :D
Ness
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