I just really want the chance to tell my story and just be listened to by other people that may have an understanding of what you go through when you lose a child through a misscarriage, or stillbirth or after birth. I am the proudest Mummy ever of my little boy
Izrael.. he was born on the 3rd May 2007, textbook baby 40.2wks gestation ten pounds, I couldnt have asked for more of a blessing. From the moment we had Izy I knew that a sibling would follow shortly I just wanted to spend sometime with my 'lil baby' first, and get myself sorted before embarking on another pregnancy. We decided to have another baby this year and made the decision to have my IUD removed in January, I then had is taken out on Jan 5th, monitered (sp?) my ovulation and what do you know I concieved on the 14th Jan..this was such a surprise as it took around 8months to concieve Izy. I knew I was pregnant a week before my period was due as my ms set in, it made me wonder if there were two in there? I had an early blood test HCG because despite my early MS I couldnt get a HPT to BFP (5 tests later)..the HCG's were 12 which is barely registering a pregnancy YET I knew what was going on in there! Anyway at 8weeks my midwife sent me for a scan because she saw my HCG was low and wanted to check for a viable pregnancy. The scan showed the baby died literally the day before the scan at 8wks gestation,, SHOCK HORROR I told the sonogropher that her equipment must be faulty, I was offered a D&C but I couldnt let go of the hope that they were wrong and I was right! All the following week between march 4th and march 13th my MS intensified and my HCG levels went 1140000 to 1460000..so went for another scan, still no heartbeat, no growth for baby zilch, we had lost hope, there was a 4cm cyst on my ovary (pregnancy related) that was apparantly tricking my body by producing the HCG hormone..so as well as a baby there was a cyst. I wanted to wait to miscarry naturally as the D&C scared me a bit, but then I just got sicker, still NO cramping and bleeding. I eventually had the D&C or ERPOC last week on thurs 19th march and I've recovered well, Im awaiting test results on what they removed from me (baby, cyst, placenta, yolk..) so hopefully I get an answer. Ive had a month to process all of it so Im ok, I hope our baby comes back to us one day. He/she would have been due Oct 7th. 
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