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 Ectopic Loss 
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Joined: Mon Jun 15, 2009 12:35 pm
Posts: 4
Post Ectopic Loss
Hi, my names Krissie and i lost my baby on June 8th due the pregnancy being ectopic.
My tube ruptured, and i was rushed in for emergency surgery where they took my angel and my tube.
I've been up and down and all over the place emotionally, even though, now, my Hcg levels are back to pre-pregnancy levels.
I dont know whether what i'm feeling is normal, or over the top given my situation, and was hoping that someone on here could tell me if i really am loosing my mind.
I have become so insecure, and i'm almost convinced that my partner is or will cheat on me. I feel old and fat and ugly and worst of all i feel like a complete failure, not only as a mother but as a partner too.
I have 2 beautiful daughters, aged 8 and 6, and i find it really hard to be with them sometimes now. I look at them and wonder what my angel would have been like, would he (i feel like i lost a son) have had curly hair like miss 6 or straight like miss 8? Would he have been tall like miss 6 or short like miss 8? You get the picture.
I'm having the most horrible vivid dreams, dreams of loosing my family, or of being hurt by them, and they are so clear and real that when i wake up it takes a few minutes to realise that it was just a dream.
I'm not really the nicest person to be around at the moment, and i can see that it's effecting my family. In fact i've become quite a B*%#h about so many things, and i'm so short fused.
And i'm tired.... all the time, but when i get into bed i can't sleep and when i do sleep those horrible dreams wake me up........
Sorry for the rant, but it's Saturday night, my Partners at work, and my kids are asleep and i feel pretty damn low right now. just had to get it out i guess.
Sorry.


Sun Jun 21, 2009 12:15 am
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Joined: Thu Dec 14, 2006 3:08 pm
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Location: Rotorua
Post Re: Ectopic Loss
Hi Krissie, first off :bighug: to you, losing a child at any stage of pregnancy is never easy. When you lose a baby you lose all of the dreams that you had for that child.

My name is Carley, married to Phill, and SAHM to Bayden, nearly 7, Jessica, 6mths, and our very own angel girl Julia Rose-Joy, born sleeping on 3/11/2006 at 26wks gest.

As for what you are feeling and experieincing, in my opinion it sounds perfectly normal. You have gone through something that I would never wish on my worst enemy in a million years. You have every right to feel the way you do. I know that when we lost Julia, I had to have my son near me at all times just to know that he was safe, yet I was a total bitch too. I am suprised that DH and I didnt separate with the way that I was treating everyone, yet I can honestly say that I did come to the end of that dark tunnel, and now nearly three years on, I can slowly feel myself healing, a little bit every day.

Just take it day by day and take the emotions as they come. One day you will feel alright, then the next it will all come rushing back in one huge wave and hit you all over again.

The ladies on here are awesome, and we are all here to support each other through the good and bad times.

Take Care Carley

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Sun Jun 21, 2009 12:06 pm
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Joined: Sun Jun 15, 2008 1:52 am
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Location: Invercargill
Post Re: Ectopic Loss
Hi Krissie welcome to the club no one wants or deserves to be in. My name is Hayley and Andrew and I had 2 loses last year, first being our son William who was born sleeping at 26 weeks in March, and a ectopic pregnancy in Nov though I was fortunate to have medications rather than surgery this however took longer for the Hcg levels to return to normal and had totallly wiped me out. I have found the ectopic has been rougher on me than William as I know it had put my own health at risk. Which in turn made me insecure and underminded me if I could go through another pregnancy in the fear it may happen again I have found that given a bit of time these emotions do settle down and things tend to even out though not the same it was before our loses. Be kind to yourself and feel free to come in and vent here if you need to the girls here are great.

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Sun Jun 21, 2009 7:09 pm
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Joined: Tue Nov 11, 2008 7:10 pm
Posts: 224
Post Re: Ectopic Loss
Krissie, Im sorry for you loss :(
The way you are feeling sounds very natural to me after what you have just experienced. Others that havent experienced it for themselves may put unrealistic expextations for you to be 'over it' but the truth is that you will proberbly always wonder 'what if' and hold a special place for you angel in your heart. Grief takes time so just take things one step a time and try not be too hard on yourself :bighug:
My name is Debs, i lost my son Ezra at 19w4days gest and i have a daughter Ceahn who is 2 1/2.
Feel free to post on here anytime

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Sun Jun 21, 2009 11:15 pm
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Joined: Mon Jun 15, 2009 12:35 pm
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Post Re: Ectopic Loss
Hey guys.
Thanks for your kind words. I've had a few good days, followed by a day of hell. The worst part about it all is the dreams and the intense paranoia (s)
The mood swings arn't much fun for everyone else around me, but they'll live.
anyway...
i'll pop back later.


Wed Jun 24, 2009 2:12 pm
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Joined: Sat Apr 25, 2009 3:30 pm
Posts: 256
Post Re: Ectopic Loss
Hi Krissie.

My name is Natalie. My partner Dylan and I had a son, Dreyton, on 9th april who was born sleeping at 40 weeks gest. I too felt weird emotions afterwards but I think that is to be expected. You have just had your heart ripped out, how else are you supposed to react? The people around you who love and care for you will hang around and will put up with the emotions because they love you. You will get through it. Remember that loosing your baby is still very fresh and new and you need to allow yourself some time. Try not to be so hard on yourself!! :)

While I am only 2 months into life without my son, I do feel a lot calmer and "emotionally stable" so even though people are right when they say it takes years to heal from this, please know that it does get better every day.

Big hugs!!!!

Nat

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Wed Jun 24, 2009 8:56 pm
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Joined: Mon Jun 15, 2009 12:35 pm
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Post Re: Ectopic Loss
Thanks guys for all your kind words and wishes.... It really does help.
I'm at just over 3 weeks since i lost my bubs, and i can honestly say it is getting easier. I still have bad dreams, and my moods are still all over the show, but i dont want to cry all the time anymore, and i'm coping better with seeing preggie woman and newborns.
I still hate the fact that there is this one girl i know of who is preggie and also a p addict, and i get so angry when i think of what she could be doing to her baby, and how she doesn't deserve to be preggie. I know it probably sounds really bitchy of me, but i cant help it.
Her and i would have been due around the same time. Luckily for her we dont have any contact, but oooh, if i ever see her.... look out! She'll get a piece of my mind!
Sorry about that....
I have an appointment with the Gyno on the 22nd, and hopefully he will give me the all clear to try again... i love being preggie so much, that even being UTD for such a short time has made me want a baby even more than ever. Hubby is pretty keen to keep trying to, although i'm not sure whether our reasons are the same :wink:
Anyway... thanks for your support on here, as i said, it really has helped reading everyones stories.
Best of luck to those trying again.


Thu Jul 02, 2009 3:12 pm
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Joined: Sat Apr 25, 2009 3:30 pm
Posts: 256
Post Re: Ectopic Loss
Hi Krissie,

Hope the doc gives the all clear. Dylan and I are currently TTC even though i have only had 2 of the 3 cycles the midwife told me to wait for. Sometimes my wants and needs have to come before my body's!

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Fri Jul 03, 2009 9:18 pm
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Joined: Thu Mar 20, 2008 10:59 am
Posts: 118
Post Re: Ectopic Loss
Hi Krissie. Im so sorry to hear about your loss. Glad things are starting to look a bit brighter for you now that youve got those nasty first few weeks out of the way. We lost our first baby Connor last feb at 36.5 weeks. Unknown reasons, but I have my suspicions. My husband and I are currently 30 weeks with our 2nd baby and it has been such a rollercoaster. Especially the last couple of weeks as complications are arising. The baby will be here sooner than expected. Dont feel bad about being disgusted by those people that do terrible things to their bodies while pregnant. It is such a natural reaction. The other day when I was going to get monitering at the hospital, there was a pregnant lady outside in her dressing gown sucking away on a cigarette. She just about made me sick. Then 5 mins later she was back in the delivery ward coughing and spluttering. Pisses me off just remembering it!


Sat Jul 04, 2009 1:49 pm
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