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 Trying to understand why? 
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Joined: Thu Jun 22, 2006 11:17 pm
Posts: 2
Post Trying to understand why?
Hi there, My name is Nikki & Ive been a bit of a lurker around here. I used to work with Rae (Mandas mum who I have met a couple of times also) a few years ago & this is how I found out about this site. I liked to come on & have a little nosy & always thought how strong all of the ladies on here are after such unfortunate events, never really thinking that something like this would happen to me.
Sadly I miscarried our angel at 12 weeks on Tuesday morning. I'm having trouble coming to terms with it all & really do hope it will get easier over time. We are very blessed to have beautiful 2 year old twins, however that doesnt make the pain any less.


Fri Jun 26, 2009 12:56 am
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Joined: Tue Nov 11, 2008 7:10 pm
Posts: 224
Post Re: Trying to understand why?
Nikki, im sorry for the loss of your baby. Although you will never forget baby and it will still hurt, life will get easier in time. My name is Debs and I lost my baby boy at 19w4d. I also have a daughter who is 2 1/2. Feel free to post on here whenever you feel, there are many people on here who understand the pain of losing a baby and we are all here to support each other.
:bighug:

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Fri Jun 26, 2009 5:49 pm
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Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2008 9:04 pm
Posts: 740
Location: Dunedin
Post Re: Trying to understand why?
hi Nikki and welcome to TLO - all of us on here have an understanding of the feeling you are having. I don't know how I would have coped without this site. It has kept me from losing the plot on numerous occasions! Our wee girl Georgia was stillborn at 26 weeks to pre eclampsia in January 08. She is my first baby, I miss her so much everyday. She has since given us a gift by the way of her sister Shawna, she is now coming up 7 months old. I tell Shawna about her big sister everyday. People say time heals but I think in time you learn to cope or live with the pain of not having your Angel in your arms. IYKWIM?
I look forward to getting you know you and your angel.

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Sat Jun 27, 2009 5:41 pm
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Joined: Mon Jun 15, 2009 12:35 pm
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Post Re: Trying to understand why?
Hi Nikki. I'm so sorry for what your going through right now, and can relate to what your feeling.
It's been nearly 3 weeks since i lost my angel through ectopic pregnancy, and it sucks that so many of us find ourselves in this position.
My emotions have been so bad that just a few days ago i saw the doctor and got some pills to help me cope, (i'm prone to depression and am just playing it safe by going on a low dose for now).
Know matter how irrational it was to blame myself, i couldn't help it. I felt like a complete failure, and just couldn't face the world in case they somehow new and thought badly of me or whatever.
For me i had moral issues too because my angel had to die in order for me to live, and i'm so very very pro-life.
Again, i know that he would never have survived anyway, because ectopic pregnancies are never developed properly, but pain and loss are never logical or rational.
The only way i really seem to be able to go on each day is to try and think to the future, and put plans in place for trying for another baby, and getting my house in order, and staying busy.
The quiet times, and alone times are always the hardest, so make sure you have someone who you can go visit for a cuppa or have someone just sit on the couch and watch dvd's with.
I also found that by giving him a name made things easier somehow. By just acknowledging him even in his short existance, i feel like he has a place in this world... if that makes sense?

It is hard, and we all cope differently, but hang in there....

"It cant rain all the time"
(quote from brandon lee in the movie 'the crow', and also a jane sibery song)


Sat Jun 27, 2009 7:58 pm
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Joined: Sun Mar 22, 2009 11:26 am
Posts: 11
Post Re: Trying to understand why?
Hi, I lost a baby at 8 weeks in March this year due to the pregnancy been a 'partial molar'. (Essentially thats a conception malfunction resulting in one to many sets of chromosones, the baby never would have deveoped normally). Its so incredibly gut- wrenching in the begining, I never bled or had pain...just a dating scan at 8 weeks said there was no heartbeat, i had to have a D&C 3 weeks later as I wasnt miscarrying naturally and the 'remains' from the pregnancy (including baby) were making me very sick.

I just want to say that....just take each day as it comes, don't expect to feel a particular way because everyone is different. I dealt with it by coming online (especially TLO) and reading, and researching, i was lucky enough not to have to go back to work ASAP. i felt ready to prepare my body for another pregnancy to take place as soon as possible, allthough some people require more time to heal and process the loss itself..TTC again just gave me something to look forward to. Within 5 weeks of the D&C we conceived again and I am now 10weeks, theres no assurances that the same thing wont happen again just positive thinking gets me through.
I am so sorry for your loss and wouldnt wish it on anyone, its a horrible thing that some of us women have to endure to get our precious children with us...keep in touch, i'll keep my eyes open on this site for you.

God bless :P


Sun Jun 28, 2009 9:24 pm
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Joined: Sat Apr 25, 2009 3:30 pm
Posts: 256
Post Re: Trying to understand why?
Hi Nikki

My name is Natalie and I am new here too. I lost my baby at 40 weeks due to a placental abruption in april. It has been really hard coming to terms with it and trying to understand why it happened to us. We still don't know why as there was no reason for the abruption. This site has been a tremendous help to me though and I hope it will be for you as well.

Nat

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Mon Jun 29, 2009 10:54 pm
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Joined: Thu Jun 22, 2006 11:17 pm
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Post Re: Trying to understand why?
Hi ladies. Thank u so much for your welcome & I really am so sorry to hear of your losses.
I think this will be a great way for me to deal with our loss.
Ive had a rough couple of weeks. I had to go & have a scan last week as things had not progressed as naturally as hoped. I thought I would have been a little more prepared for what I would see but even knowing & still seeing no heartbeat or anything else in there really hit me hard. However the gestational sack was still there so I had to go off to hospital & have a D&C. Was a long long wait at hospital & I really just wanted to get that part of the process over with so I could move on with the emotional side. Im still feeling quite down & am just going to have to take some time out. Doesnt really help that my partners grandfather is in hospital & its not looking like he will be going home again. Seems like eveything always happens all at once & am really trying to find the light at the end of the tunnel!!


Mon Jul 13, 2009 3:18 pm
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Joined: Tue Jan 29, 2008 12:50 pm
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Location: Auckland
Post Re: Trying to understand why?
Nikki,

Sorry to hear of the loss of your wee one, and everything else you have had to endure. Life is not fair, and often it deals more than one blow at a time. I hope the situation with your partners grandfather improves and that the emotional side of the loss of you angel is gentle on you.

Take Care

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Mon Jul 13, 2009 5:32 pm
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Joined: Sun Jun 15, 2008 1:52 am
Posts: 229
Location: Invercargill
Post Re: Trying to understand why?
As the others have said Welcome I am sorry to hear of your loss, hope you find as much love and support here as I have.

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Mon Jul 13, 2009 6:53 pm
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