Just when I thought I was past all those horrible feelings..
I had an annual refresher course at the hospital yesturday, and we were doing the CPR bit when they bought out the dummy baby.............Well how stupid did I feel when this huge flood of emotions came rolling out just by looking at the plastic baby!
Its been ages since I've felt like that and it was really horrible to be there all over again. I just looked at the baby with a feeling of complete horror and panic. Then of course I started having all sorts of horrible flash backs to those "black days". The instructor handed me the baby and I damn near threw the bloody thing on the floor, I couldn't wait to get it out of my hands.
I'm feeling much better about it all today, but that yuck sick to the stomach feeling is still with me. Just when I thought I'd moved onto another chapter of my life and BAM!.......... it got me again. Its made me realise how its gonna feel if it happens again
Lizzie
