Hi ladies

Havn't been in this Forum for a while now, and its not much fun to be back. Its not for myself this time, but a friend who had a M/C this week.

My DH and I have a good friend who we don't see often anymore (as she lives in Akl now), she got married earlier in the year and has been TTC since. About a week ago SIL told us in confidence that this friend was pregnant, but still waiting to tell everyone so we wern't supposed to know. Now we find out that at her 12 wk NT scan this week they found no heart beat, which is almost exactly what happened with me but a bit later on so we had told everyone already.

I feel so damn sad for them both, but I don't feel that we can call or anything, being that we aren't supposed to know. Not only that but I feel real guilty for being this pregnant just now as I know how I felt about peggy ladies when I had lost my baby (called them SB's - Smug Bellies - for a long time).

What should I do? Just hope that she eventually tells us and carry on like nothing has happened in the meantime?

Oh this is horrible, what a truly crap situation to be in.

Lizzie

Hi Lizzie,
I am very sorry for your friends m/c, never a nice thing to hear about especially when you know the pain of it.

Hugs
Jacqui

Lizzie

So sorry to hear of your friend. Big hugs to you and your friend.

Huggles
Kim

Hi Lizzie,
I'm so sorry about your friend. I was thinking perhaps your sil could tell your friend about the site and tell her that she heard of it through you, I know lots of the ladies here are preggy now but they are still as supportive as ever. Perhaps you could somehow slip into a conversation your experience without letting on that you know (do you freely talk about your loss, if so it wouldn't be much of a task), then like Jenn said, she may just open up to you. She's probably silently screaming out for support. I was like Jenn and couldn't stand being around pg women unless they had also been through a loss, then I felt there was hope for me, you could be just what your friend needs. All the best, lots of luv'nhugs for you and your friend.

Hi Lizzie

So sorry to hear about your friend's loss. I have recently found out that a good friend of mine suffered a mc in April but didn't want to bother me about it after my loss and new pg. I was quite shocked really because I thought she would have spoken to me about it sooner but I also know that people have their own ways of moving through loss and asking for support. She was really glad that she told me once she had (as was I) and confessed to being early pg again and VERY nervous. Her DH was a little worried about sharing the pg news with me as nobody else (apart from her mw) knows but I have talked to her again since our initial chat and she has told me she is so grateful to have someone to discuss her fears with.

Anyway, I guess my best advice is to let your friend come to you (possibly encouraged by a friendly call just to chat) and then go from there. I know after my mc I kept the loss a secret from many people because talking about it only made the pain more raw. Now, 9 months down the track, I can speak really openly about it all...it just takes time I guess.

Best of luck.

Claire

Big hugs to your friend Lizzie.
I know for myself when we m/c I had a friend who was about the same # of weeks as me, and the hardest part of the whole thing I think was facing her and thinking to myself "why me". Now she is nearly due and I am still a little jealous that she is that many weeks closer to holding her bubs than me, but at the same time I accept that I wouldn't have my twins if I hadn't m/c.

I would just let your friend know that you are there for support if she needs you. I too went thru the whole resenting every other pregnant woman thing, but at the same time seeing pregnant women also reminded me that it was possible for a pregnancy to have a good outcome, which was encouraging.