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~*Telly*~
Joined: Thu Jul 14, 2005 8:06 pm
Posts: 1455
Location: Auckland
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 Downward Sprial This is how things seem for me at the moment - I really don't know what to do.
Today I feel so down, and have broken down at everything, even ad's on the t.v. I feel so much pain today, and I just want to crawl under a rock.
I stopped taking all medication a couple of weeks ago - and refuse to take both the anti-depressants and the sleeping tablets. The closest thing to medication at the moment is alcohol. I know it never fixes anything - but it makes me feel better for a short time.
My counsellor told me I needed to be intimate with my husband so he doesn't 'loose interest'. WTF? Talk about making something a chore.....
The longer I seem to wait for my first period - the more I seem to go further and further down into this black hole.
I feel I am beyond depression, I just want to hide away. I still can't accept this m/c and I still think about all that's happened ALL the time. I have had thought's of "i want to end it all" but have been smart enough at least to know it gets me know where and that it's stupid.
Urgh, I'm just rambling on people, I'm so sorry. I don't know where else to post or where else to turn, I feel I have exhusted all other options. I don't know where else to turn!
Thanks for reading.
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~*Mummy to now SIX angels ~ I miss you my babies ~
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| Tue Aug 16, 2005 10:57 pm |
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Ally
Joined: Tue Aug 02, 2005 11:42 pm
Posts: 664
Location: Auckland
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Telly, I am sorry you are feeling this way. I hope you have a better day today.
Take Care
Ally
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| Wed Aug 17, 2005 9:33 am |
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Kim
Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2005 8:43 pm
Posts: 1315
Location: Whatawhata, Hamilton
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Telly
I am so sorry you feel so down, Maybe you need to go talk to your doctor and taking the anti depressants might just help you through this tough patch, I know how you feel I have struggled through this last year without anything and was told by friends and family that I needed to go get help and I didnt, I did it the tough way and its only now 15 months and 2 M/C later I am starting to feel normal kinda.
Big (((HUGS)))
Kim
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| Wed Aug 17, 2005 9:40 am |
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angelbaby
Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2005 10:44 pm
Posts: 1117
Location: Auckland, NZ
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Telly I'm sorry you are feeling so sad and frustrated.
I just wanted to send some hugs your way.
Take care
Jacqui
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DD Tylar 10
Angel Riley Born Sleeping, 38wks
14 angels M/C
 
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| Wed Aug 17, 2005 10:38 am |
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~*Telly*~
Joined: Thu Jul 14, 2005 8:06 pm
Posts: 1455
Location: Auckland
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I wish I could say I felt better, I just feel so rotten 
The thing with anti-depressants is that you have to take them for 14 days before they become effective and start to work, so really aren't going to help me now. I don't really want to hide behind them either - and a choice that I have to live with.
Urgh....
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~*Mummy to now SIX angels ~ I miss you my babies ~
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| Wed Aug 17, 2005 3:24 pm |
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TrinityClair
Site Admin
Joined: Sat Jul 16, 2005 3:01 pm
Posts: 1689
Location: Auckland
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I'm so sorry your having a hard time with it all Telly. You will find a way to cope that suits you. Have you tried to go for walks, even just short ones to begin with, or even just getting out side and pulling some weeds. I don't know if your into gardening at all but I found that planting my rose bushes was very therapeutic fo me, if your renting you could plant in some pots. I personally didn't want to take the antidepressant road, but I knew that I would have to do something to help myself so it didn't have to go that far (although soemtimes theres no helping it and it may be necessary). I know your probably not looking for advice and that sometimes just venting is a help in itself, and you are more than welcome to do that here. Big hugs to you Telly, we're all here for you...
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MANDA
 
 
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| Wed Aug 17, 2005 3:42 pm |
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~*Telly*~
Joined: Thu Jul 14, 2005 8:06 pm
Posts: 1455
Location: Auckland
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I like going for walks - but I find I usually its all too much. I can't walk in silence, so I listen to music, and what I listen to upsets me and I don't enjoy the walk, so I tend to avoid it if I can.
Gardening - well, I hate that with a passion....
Thanks all for your posts - I don't know where else to vent. I feel so alone and so empty. I've stopped letting my husband read my diary, because he keeps flipping out.
.........................
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~*Mummy to now SIX angels ~ I miss you my babies ~
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| Wed Aug 17, 2005 3:55 pm |
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Kim
Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2005 8:43 pm
Posts: 1315
Location: Whatawhata, Hamilton
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Big Hugs babe
I so know where u are coming from with the anti depressants, That is why i wouldnt go to the doc because I didnt want them.
I am here anytime you need to talk/vent.
Huggles
Kim
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| Wed Aug 17, 2005 11:39 pm |
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~*Telly*~
Joined: Thu Jul 14, 2005 8:06 pm
Posts: 1455
Location: Auckland
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TY I wish I could say I felt better today.
I cried myself to sleep last night, then had a rotten sleep full of nightmares of people and babies dying. Hubby was at work last night....
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~*Mummy to now SIX angels ~ I miss you my babies ~
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| Thu Aug 18, 2005 11:18 am |
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nicoles mom
Joined: Sat Jul 23, 2005 8:08 am
Posts: 716
Location: Caribbean
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Telly,
I know how you feel about the anti-depressants. I didn't want them either. Mostly b/c we wanted to ttc asap. My husband is at work all day and I get very lonely. I have started to paint. I am not very artistic, so I paint wooden objects, but the point is that it uses the right side of your brain and apparently tha can be quite therapeutic. I seems to work for me. I tell my counsellor that it feels like avoidance, but anything that gets you through the day, I say! I am here when you need to talk.
Jenn
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| Thu Aug 18, 2005 12:50 pm |
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~*Telly*~
Joined: Thu Jul 14, 2005 8:06 pm
Posts: 1455
Location: Auckland
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My husband is a shift worker, and depending on what days his four shifts are on, there are only a couplr of days where I am on my own, and at night I have someone else living here to keep me company. But I do find those alone times hard.
We have been talking about TTC and will either start next month or the one after. Have to get that dreaded AF first
I just about lost it today in the supermarket when I was grocery shopping, following round a pregnant woman rubbing her belly but I didn't, didn't want to look like an idiot....
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~*Mummy to now SIX angels ~ I miss you my babies ~
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| Thu Aug 18, 2005 3:51 pm |
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nicoles mom
Joined: Sat Jul 23, 2005 8:08 am
Posts: 716
Location: Caribbean
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Oh Telly,
I am sorry you had a bad day. I have soooo much trouble with pg women also. There is one who quit her job at my work and is now back asking me for some part time work until she has her baby. The nerve! You would like she would be sensitive of the fact that I have trouble seeing her. But no.
Jenn
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| Fri Aug 19, 2005 11:59 am |
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TrinityClair
Site Admin
Joined: Sat Jul 16, 2005 3:01 pm
Posts: 1689
Location: Auckland
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Hi Girls,
I'm the same about pg women, I am getting better around babies and have started smiling and playing with my new neice and nephew, but I really struggle around pg women, I get really jealous and have a huge empty feeling when I'm around them.
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MANDA
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| Fri Aug 19, 2005 1:46 pm |
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~*Telly*~
Joined: Thu Jul 14, 2005 8:06 pm
Posts: 1455
Location: Auckland
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The nerve....!
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~*Mummy to now SIX angels ~ I miss you my babies ~
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| Fri Aug 19, 2005 4:02 pm |
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nicoles mom
Joined: Sat Jul 23, 2005 8:08 am
Posts: 716
Location: Caribbean
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I also have much more trouble with pg women than babies. You can't hate the baby can you? just the woman.
Jenn
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| Sat Aug 20, 2005 3:05 pm |
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