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*Sigh* I recently lost another Angel and I feel I am falling apart @ the seems. My first Angel was in August '04 then I was fortunate to have my Son (pregnancy had No complacations and birth was with gas and 2 hours & 10 Mins! (inc: 40 Mins Pushing) couldn't have anything else as I was 8cm dialted when I got to Hosp!!!)

My name is Rachal and I have been married to Thomas since 27 Sep '03 and I have a 2 Year old Son Noah... MY MIRACLE!!!!

Then I miscarried on 11th June 2007 and recently for the Third time on 9th October 2007. NOW I am under a Speciliast and I saw her one week eactly to the time I started miscarrying.

This is what happened on 9th Oct 2007..... Sorry if this message is long winded... it helps to vent... In past tense as posted from diary message on another site...

Bad News Just come back from Hospital m/c on 9th (Tuesday). I had been spotting for awhile but was only like a light period but all hell broke lose around 4pm on the 9th. I had a few complications and lost heaps of blood. I passed the baby in A & E and was bleeding heaps until (after two different painful exams later) the placenta came out and over hours the bleeding subsided. Huge clots were coming out on the was to Hosp it was scary!!! To say the least. They were mentioning and emergency D & C and I was losing so much blood but once the placenta came out they weren’t as worried but I was still NBM.

@ around 11.30pm I had a major fainting spell. I had just had a shower when I got up to the surgical ward and I was combing my hair when all of a sudden my legs turned to Jell-O and I started having convulsions. I fell to the floor and let out a pathetic little ‘help,’ four nurses came running as they heard me hit the bed. I felt all light headed and my hearing went weird and I could hear only muffled voices of the nurses. Then my hands and feet felt like vibrating pins and needles and my thumbs cramped up. 10 mins later and still on the floor I started to come around (I was still conscious and freaking out!!! As you do) then they helped me onto the bed. Apparently I was white as a ghost and clammy.

Finally had scan @ 2pm on 10th (Wednesday) and no D & C. I was reading my notes on the way back up to the ward : as you do and I noticed the tech said all things look good etc and the two ovaries look good etc (OMG when did my left Ovary grow back ROFLAS as I got it taken out when I was 16 yrs old as I had a huge cyst around it, he he thought that was funny). Hey if you don’t laugh you cry…and after 12 ½ hours of Nil by Mouth I could eat. Then I ate too much. I was like Homer Simpson, he he.

I feel like I could sleep for weeks. Nearly had to have a blood transfusion as my CBC is low but I have to take it easy and drink plenty of fluids etc. I could have stayed another night but I feel I will get more sleep in my own bed as the hosp ones are crap. My Noah is with my Mum and Niece Rebecca (Rebecca is taking a couple of days off work and will be looking after Him) so I can re-coop.

This is what happened after seeing the Specialist.....

What a horrible few days....I saw the Specialist on Tuesday which was awesome she has officially booked me into her Clinic, yay! (I see here again in 5-6 weeks when my body has settled down and them come the battering of tests) She felt my tummy and it was really tender so she put me on two lots of antibiotics: Metronidazole (a strong one) and Augmentin. I have been throwing up with them and I went to the Doctor yesterday and my blood count is still low so I got iron injections. It felt like someone had shot me in the butt (still hurts, he he) and I have a huge black bruise. My head feels like it is going to explode (I think the codeine is finally starting to take affect or the injection is starting to take affect as it is lessening (sp)) I am basically a mess. I broke down @ the Docs yesterday and He said it was understandable with all I have gone through lately. Okay vent over...

Take Care

Rachal Mc [/color][/color][/color]

Hi Rachal

I'm so sorry for your losses, and that you have had to find us here, but glad that you feel you are able to let out how you are feeling.

I know all the wonderful women on here will welcome you with love and understanding as they have all been through some really painful situations which have led them to this site.

Please feel free to vent, etc here as and when you wish.
I am like the honarary Nana to all the heavenly and earthly angels we have here. My darling granddaughter Trinity Clair, born sleeping 19 June 05 was the inspiration for this site.

Huge hugs
Rae

I have just read all the sad stories on the lost ones site of Trinity and the other precious angels and I can't stop crying.

I feel like I don't really have a right to be sad a cry as I only miscarried. If I find this hard then how can losing a silent baby feel like.

Thanks for your support

I can hardly type as the tears are blocking my view. Tears are good as the help you heal (but the will always be a empty feeling)

Rachal :-(

Hi Rachal

Please don't beat yourself up. Any loss is a huge loss, regardless of when or how it happens. You have every right to feel the way you do and cry as often as you want. Although it may not seem it at this time, it does slowly get better, and when you have more understanding people around you for support it really does help.

Take care
Hugs
Rae

Hi Rachal

I am sorry you have had to find this site, but pleased you have as there are lots of really suportive, wonderful, understanding and caring woman here. We have all been through the same thing (losing our babies, at any stage). You are as much welcome here as anyone else. You have lost a baby too. Thanks for sharing your pics with us.

I am Ally, I lost my precious Ashley Jade 15 Nov 2003, not a day goes by I don't think of her. We are coming up 4 years and it still feels like yesterday.

Hi Rachal,
I'm glad we finally managed to get your user account here sorted, though I am sorry you needed to visit us I hope you find as much love and support here as I have.



You have as much right to be sad as anyone who has lost a baby at any stage. I totally understand you feelings though. I also had a mc, it was only at 5 weeks, I miscarried 1 week ecactly after I found out I was pregnant, we had been trying for around 9 months. Even though it was a very early miscarriage I was still devetsated. Some people may try to minimise your feelings about a mc, sometimes they're just trying to help, other times they just don't think. I remember being told that my baby wasn't even considered an embryo yet and was 'just' a blastocyste. Well, I had been trying for that 'blastocyst' for a long time and had been dreaming of 'it' for a long time before that, since I was a young girl I had always wanted children. I had started thinking of names and imagining my baby in my arms. I had as much love for that baby as I did for my darling Trinity. Sometimes I don't feel like I have the right (for want of a better word) for that bub. I also lost another bub when I was 19which I feel even less allowed to grieve for (a whole other story). Anyway, I'm babbling now.
Feel free to come and vent, chat, scream, cry, whatever, whenever, there's alsways someone popping in and out.

Take care hun.

(((((hugs)))))

Hi Rachal,
Welcome to this wonderful supportive site, but so sorry you have had to join us

You have every right to feel saddness and hurt that come with the loss of a baby.
Loss is loss, no matter how far into the journey you were. it's the loss of all your hopes and dreams.

I hope you find this place as healing as I have

Hugs
Jacqui

Hi Rachal,
As the others have all stated you have as much right as we all do to grieve the loss of your babies. No matter how far through a pregnancy you are there are dreams and wishes associated with that baby and when you lose the baby your dreams and hopes are shattered. Hugs Hun.

My name is Carley married and SAHM to Bayden 5 and our angel girl Julia Rose-Joy, born 3rd November 2006, 11 more days and it will be a year .
Feel free to come here anytime that you need, we are all here for each other.
Carley

Hi Rachal

My name is Claire and I came to join The Lost Ones family after a miscarriage in September 2005. My husband and I already had two children at the time but that didn't make the loss any easier. We wanted our "Bubba" as much as our other living children. I mean, it did help to have the boys to focus on but they didn't cancel out the pain like some people "expected".

Recently my husband and I went and got matching tattoos to symbolise our family and we felt it was VERY important to include Bubba. I will post a pic just in case you are keen to do something similar. I know several other ladies here have tattoos in memory too. The centre star symbolises me/DH, the star on the left is our partner/soul mate and then the four stars on the right are our three living children and Bubba.



Anyway, I guess I just wanted to say that I really understand what you're going through and please don't feel like you can't feel the way you feel. It is your right as a mummy to your angel babies and we are always here to listen if you ever need to share.

Take care

Oh and I have a Noah too. I love that name

Claire, love the tattoo and what it means, really beautiful

What a gorgeous tattoo Claire. I still haven't got one for our angel, am yet to decide on the perfect design. I have all three girls names, somehow that seemed a less important decision than for our angel, I guess coz we have them here with us to remember, whereas with our angel we only have memories.

Big hugs Rachael, sorry to hear about your recent loss I hope you find as much support here as I have in over the past couple of years.

I'm Emma and I am mum to Maya Grace who is 4 and twin gremlins Mercedes and Sienna who just turned one, and two angel babies.

((hugs))

am so sorry to hear of your loss.

no matter how you loose your baby - it is still a very hard and unfair thing to have to go through.

I have a tattoo for my angel on my hip - angel is written in japanese and underneath has the zodiac symbol the month he was taken from us.

((hugs)) to you again

Welcome and sorry that you ever had to find us here but as you have I am glad as there are some very wonderful Ladies here who have helped me more than they will ever know.

Rachael,
I am so sorry for your loss. A loss is a loss. You have come to right place for support.

Jenn