The LOST Ones
http://www.thelostones.co.nz/phpbb3/

another Newbie
http://www.thelostones.co.nz/phpbb3/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=1065		 Page 2 of 3
Author:  TrinityClair [ Fri Feb 01, 2008 1:20 pm ]
Post subject: 
She is gorgeous Yvonne, thank you so much for sharing you sweet little girl with us.
Author:  Julia's Mum [ Sat Feb 02, 2008 4:30 pm ]
Post subject: 
Andrea and Yvonne, welcome to the club that no one wants to join, but once you are here you find wonderful supportive ladies.
My name is Carley, mum to our angel girl Julia Rose-Joy, her story is in the stories section on the main page of this site.
Ayla and Satori (cool name BTW) are beautiful angels.
Reading this thread and all the replies has brought me to tears again, as the pain of losing a child at no matter what gestation is agonising. Please remember that we are all here for each other and there is never a daft question or comment.

Manda, Trinity's picture is beautiful, I too had never noticed the hand print on her forehead. I know what you mean about looking at their pictures and wanting them to move or breathe, it just never happens, and it totally SUCKS!!
Author:  Satori Star [ Sat Feb 02, 2008 5:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Thanks
Thanks so much for all of your welcomes - to the club that nobody wants to join (ain't that the truth!!), however its comforting to know that everybody here knows, to a large degree, where you are at and the journey you are undertaking. It takes special people to offer support when they are dealing with there own grief at whatever stage they are at in their journey. :) I hope that sounds ok, but that is how I feel, and again thank you :lol:

I went to my first SANDS meeting today, and meet another bunch of lovely ladies, and embraced the experience. It is comforting to have open discussions about the various issues that surround the loss of your child, and to hear people talking about their child/ren and circumstances. Neil came with me which I think was a good thing. I am sure it made him realise that the death of Satori will be with me forever and that even 2-3 years down the track I could have rough times in dealing with her loss, never mind the rest of my life! Men do deal with things quite differently, don't they?
Author:  mariasmum [ Sat Feb 02, 2008 7:26 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hi Yvonne and Andrea
Welcome to TLO and I am so sorry to hear of the losses of your beautiful angels. I hope that you find the love and support that you need here on this site.

Yvonne - It was great to meet you this morning at the Sands meeting. I hope that Neil found it helpful too, it's always a bit hard when there is one man on his own with a bunch of women! Your photo of Satori is gorgeous, thanks for sharing it with us.
Author:  Satori Star [ Sun Feb 03, 2008 9:59 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hi Alana,

I found the sands meeting really helpful, and am happy that I went. It was good to be in the company of people who are in similar situations and who get where we are at. Neil said that he was glad that he went too, as I think it may have shown him that it is healthy to grieve, and I suspect it may have also shown him that we still have a long way to go in the process.
Author:  Baby Beanie [ Tue Feb 26, 2008 7:49 am ]
Post subject:  Vacant and Lost in life
Hi my name is Sara. My husband and I gave birth to our little Beanie Boy on 8 February, born sleeping our little man was 27 weeks. I have read this website for about a week and finally plucked up enough courage to write something. I am struggling dealing with things, I sit at the table with Beanie Boy next to me, he is a little fluffy teddy bear, blue ribbon he is just perfect, his little ashes sit in the back of the teddy.
Our little ones really are angels, they were just far to good to walk this earth. God wanted only wanted the exceptional ones to help him.
I just wish this did not hurt so much, tears every day, vacant-ness and the jealosy towards others. We were so proud to be pregnant, a little life we created, the 2 of us, and he was taken so quickly. Even though it is days later, I am still seeing me lay in hospital bed waiting to have Beanie. Will it get easier? Why does this happen?
Author:  Julia's Mum [ Tue Feb 26, 2008 8:39 am ]
Post subject: 
Hi Sara, first of all I would like to give you the hugest cyber ((hugs)) possible, and welcome you tot he club that no one wants to join.
My name is Carley, married to Phill and SAHM to Bayden and our angel girl Julia Rose-Joy, born sleeping at 26wks gest on the 3/11/06.
The road that you are travelling and the emotions that you are feeling are all to familiar to all of us. The loss of a child at any stage of a pregnancy or after a birth is never right, and trying to get your head around those feelings is a long and heart breaking journey. Even now 15mths on, I still have days where all I can do is think about Julia and what she would be doing now etc if she were with us.
Feel free to come here at any time if you need someone to talk to, we are always here to give support or just lend an ear if you need to scream and rant at the world. The ladies on this fourm have helped me so much in my journey that I can honestly say that without their love and support I dont know where I would be or if I would be here at all, (you get my meaning?)
but thanks to them I have come through the pain and heartache and am now able to enjoy my life and the lives of those I love.
Huge Hugs Hun and take care and remember we are here for you.
Author:  Liam'sMum [ Tue Feb 26, 2008 11:35 am ]
Post subject: 
Hi Sara
I am really glad you have found this group of wonderful ladies - it really does make a difference to find a group of people who 'truly' know what you are going through.
I lost my wee man the day after you (he was 16 days old and had a huge amount of brain damage from lack of oxygen at some point), so can completely understand the rawness of your emotions.

It's such a huge anti-climax after the exciting of being pregnant isn't it. We were so excited by the prospect of another baby and now feel completely ripped off!

This is a great place to air your thoughts and feelings - either in the forum or in the chat room (good for getting that instant support if there are other people there).

Take care
Tanya
Author:  ~*Telly*~ [ Tue Feb 26, 2008 1:35 pm ]
Post subject: 
HOney ((hugs)) So sorry you have a reason for being here - but you have come to a brilliant palce of ladies who are just awesome ((hugs))
Author:  GG's Mum [ Wed Feb 27, 2008 9:31 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hi Sara, I am sending you a big hug. We lost our wee girl Georgia Grace on 11 Jan 08 at 26 weeks gestation. I have GG's ashes on our dutchess in the bedroom, I kiss them good morning and good night every day. She is my first born and like all the other mum's on this site, I feel ripped off. Its not fair. But you have come to the right place here. I have not posted a great deal on this site, but I come on nearly everyday and just read. Its comforting just knowing that there are people here for you when you need them. I have found that even though I miss her each day and I even rub my stretch marks when I am thinking about her, it gets easier to deal with. I will always love her and long to have her in my arms, but I take each day as it comes, talk when I need to, cry when I need to. I imagine that it will be like this for the rest of my life, but it does get easier to get out of bed each morning. Hope this makes sense! :oops:

Tracey
Author:  Dragonfly [ Wed Feb 27, 2008 10:54 pm ]
Post subject: 
:bighug:
Author:  *lynne* [ Wed Mar 05, 2008 1:33 pm ]
Post subject: 
Sorry to have to welcome so many new families on this site but am really pleased you found it too. I am Lynne who has lost a little precious one and have two adorable angels living on earth here now.
Stantori star what a beautiful picture of your wee precious girl. She is soooo gorgeous.
GG- Hi and sorry for you lost hun. Have you found a god SANDS group here in town? If your ever after a coffee or a chat to someone understanding let me know. I have been on this site since my m/s nearly 3 years ago now and since have been thru the lost of my precious nephew Ethan born at 26 weeks. His mum (Barneyt) my sister is on this site too,so she can relate as a mother to this huge lose and me the lost to my sister of her precious wee man. Lucky for me, Ethan now lies in rest close to my home and feel like I can watch him will Barneyt works and hour and 1/2 away.
Thinking of all your angels...hugs and love to all
Author:  GG's Mum [ Wed Mar 05, 2008 8:53 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hi Lynne, I haven't been able to bring myself to go to a SANDS meeting. I am not good talking to people I don't know about things, sometimes I am fine talking and happy to do it, other times I open my mouth to talk and just cry. This site is great for me, I sit here and listen to music and browse around. DH doesn't like to talk about GG at this stage, still in denial I think. I just get scared that he is trying to forget.
Author:  Satori Star [ Wed Mar 05, 2008 9:35 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hey GG's Mum,

You've got to do things at your own pace sweet. I went to my first Sands meeting in Feb which was about 2.5 mths after Satori was born. I was quite scared about going but found it very helpful, but as soon as everybody started talking I was in serious tears, however this passed ( and they came back too - at different times) but it was very comforting to be around a bunch of ladies who know where I was at.
My hubby came with me, and found it quite interesting, and was a healthy environment to vent, but had he not, I think I would have gone on my own, and that would have been absolutely fine too,in hind sight. I think I will be going to the next one on my own.There is no pressure what so ever to talk at Sands meetings, so you can sit ans just listen if you wish.

I am sure your partner is not trying to forget GG - it seems to be a common thing, that they can feel to us, like they are pulling away, or trying to move on - in some ways I think they would truly like to move us on from the excruciating pain there is within a Mother, when they lose their child. Its just quite different for them and they have a really hard time verbalising it. A comment my DH made when I pulled him up on being over Satori's death was that " I think about her all of the time, but I just don't know what to say" " I can't fix this problem. He still doesn't speak of her often but at least I understand where he is at now, and that he does think of her.

I hope things get slightly easier with time - 4mths on I am still having some really bad days-weeks, but I am also having some ok ones to.

((((Big Hugs))))
Author:  Julia's Mum [ Thu Mar 06, 2008 8:52 am ]
Post subject: 
Tracey and Yvonne, first off huge ((hugs)) to you both.

My DH was the same way and I too felt like he wasnt, how can I put this???..., feeling Julia's loss like I was. But I soon realised that hey he is a male and it is a well known fact that men grieve differently to women. We tend to be more open about how we are feeling and have the ability to vocalise that. Men on the other hand keep it inside and deal with it in thier own way. 16 months on DH will now mention Julia's name openly and have no problems with it. I think the turning point for me in knowing that he had accepted things was when my grandmother was passing away, and I mentioned to DH about going to her funeral, and he said " I'm not going to hers, she didnt even come to my daughters". Long story there but my grandparents didnt even acknowledge that Julia existed, but they are from the generation where stillbirth was brushed under the carpet and not dealt with like it is today. So that was the turning point for him and me that he was openly able to say that (DH is a man of few words :wink: ).
I know of lots of men who put their grief into actions and just keep busy, and if that is the way that they want to deal with it that is fine.
My only advice is to just be there if/when they may need to talk and keep an open mind to how they are feeling. The most important thing is that we remember that yes they are grieving too, but everyone deals with it in their own way.
Hope this helps and remember we are all here for you if you need us.
Love and Hugs to you both
Author:  GG's Mum [ Thu Mar 06, 2008 2:48 pm ]
Post subject: 
Julia's Mum wrote:
Long story there but my grandparents didnt even acknowledge that Julia existed, but they are from the generation where stillbirth was brushed under the carpet and not dealt with like it is today.


My grandparents were the same, my nana came because one of her friends told her she should, my grandfather didnt because he was in a snit with my mother and "it wasn't worth it" - I haven't spoken to either of them much since. Not out of spite, but because it hurts too much at the moment, I may say the wrong thing!!

Thanks for the advice on DH too, we have been together for 9 years and I know he is a man of little words, but in a situation like this, its hard to see things for what they are.
Author:  *lynne* [ Sun Mar 16, 2008 7:49 pm ]
Post subject: 
GG mum- Hey there again. Wow the girls hear have passes on some awesome advice! What else would we expect from this site anyway.
Talking about the grandparents...I expected my grandmother to be the same , and she kinda is a non talker on my nephews passing but she came to everything we/my sister has held for Ethan. She amazed me really as I too thought it was an "under the carpet" kinda issue for her age too.
And pleased you are finding a way to cope/grieve/etc with your lost. Here anytime but totally understand how it is too. Thinking of you and your angel.
Author:  Dragonfly [ Fri Mar 21, 2008 5:24 pm ]
Post subject: 
:bighug: Andrea and Yvonne and Sara and Tracey and Tanya and everyone else too.
Author:  Baby Beanie [ Fri Mar 21, 2008 5:46 pm ]
Post subject:  Thanks Ladies
I just wanted to say that it is really nice to have such lovely ladies out there, that understand and care for those that are going thru such a difficult painful time. God must need alot of precious little helpers. It has been 1 mth and 13 days since we said goodbye to Baby Beanie and it does not feel like it is getting easier. We went away to the USA for 3 weeks to try to gain strength, it was fun, but I just wanted to have my boy with me. I would give up everything to have him with me. I want him to be partying again in my belly, I long to hear him just cry, just breath, smile even... he missed out on this, we missed out on this.. I know he is with us, he sees thru my eyes, he is in my hear, I feel his warm spirit, he tells me not to be down. I look for the brightest star in the sky and know that he is with me. Beanie sits on my bed, his ashes are in a beautiful teddy bear, dressed with a pretty blue ribbon. I cuddle him night and day. He is my life. I miss him so much, I am not sure how this is going to get easier.
Author:  Julia's Mum [ Fri Mar 21, 2008 7:26 pm ]
Post subject: 
aw Sara, huge hugs to you hun. It is a hard and painful road that we must now travel on, but I can assure you that it does get easier, but in saying that I was overwealmed(sp) with memories of Julia today and I am nearly two years down that road. My only piece of advice would be to just take the days as they come and if you feel like you need someone to talk to there is normally someone here,or we wont be too far away. Take care Hun and believe me that it does get better.
Author:  Liam'sMum [ Fri Mar 21, 2008 8:57 pm ]
Post subject: 
Sara - Take care sweetie. I really feel your pain .... we all do.
xox

Carley - I had a day like yours yesterday. I just sat in Liam's bedroom and balled my eyes out. Caitlyn has decided that his room makes a very good bedroom for all her dolls! I'm in two minds about it but I realise that I can't keep it as 'his' forever and besides I think Liam would be very happy to see his big sister playing in there and chatting away about him.
I hope the rest of day was better!
xox
Author:  Dragonfly [ Sat Mar 22, 2008 11:04 pm ]
Post subject: 
:bighug: is all I can say.
Author:  Anya's Mum [ Sat Apr 05, 2008 11:04 am ]
Post subject:  Another new
Hi, My name is Bridget my partner and I lost our wee girl Anya at 38 weeks on the 19th October 2007. She stopped moving and after having a scan there was no heart beat, after giving birth we found she had the cord wrapped tightly around her neck. I have never been on a forum like this before but reading through all the postings has helped. Andrea, our wee gilrs names are so similar....I too got a necklace made with Anya's name on it....my sister also has 2 children, she had a wee girl last weekend, which has been really hard for me. This site has been helpful, it amazes me how many people have been through this grief, it wan't something that was even mentioned at our antinatal.......
Author:  Julia's Mum [ Sat Apr 05, 2008 1:51 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hi Bridget and welcome to the club that no one wants to join. I am Carley married to Phill and SAHM to Bayden, nearly 6, and our angel girl Julia Rose-Joy born sleeping 3/11/06
here is a link to her story http://www.thelostones.co.nz/stories/juliarose2.htm

I look forward to getting to know you and your angel Anya
Author:  TrinityClair [ Sat Apr 05, 2008 1:56 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hi Bridget,
Firstly I am so sorry that you have a reason to join our little forum. Anya, what a beautiful name.
I am Amanda,our daughter Trinity was the reason this site was started. I hope you find as much comfort here as I have over the years. I have met some wonderful women here and have found the stregnth and support here is second to none.
I look forward to getting to know you and wee Anya better :)
Page 2 of 3 All times are UTC + 12 hours [ DST ]
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group
http://www.phpbb.com/