Thank guys, I had a major melt down this morning, but I think I needed it. I just lay on the bed and cried holding GG's box. I feel a bit better now.

I would have to say "ditto" I have had a day that I would not like to be going thru again. My first real day back at the cafe and babies everywhere. Yesterday, I started the "what if". I felt ok for days after hearing the outcome of the post mortem but now I just wonder if "what if" this is not a good place to be, I dont want to be here. I have done nothing but think about Baby Beanie, I was feeling so much stronger but I just want to hold him so much. I talk to him all the time, he makes me feel at ease with things but I want him here, not up there swinging off a star with all his angel friends. A customer today who I became good friends with, had their baby boy 2 weeks ago, he was aware that we lost our little man, but he without thinking was going on and on about how hard it was, no sleep, his wife had infections etc... I just replied I can only imagine how hard it must be... he then realised what he said and burst in to tears.. then that started my day, tracking really badly. Sorry that you had a crap day or 2 Tracey, big hugs and my angel baby sends you a hugs. Look for them tonight swinging off the stars... causing lots of baby angel trouble.

Sara and Tracey - to you both!

Sara & Tracey

I hope the rest of the weekend is kind to you both and that both of your little angels give you lots of angel kisses tonight Cause it sounds like there Mummy's need them

Take Care
Yvonne

All I can say is thanks guys........., not in a great head space right now

Thanks ladies. I am not too sure what happens to me, but I wish I could control my goes on with emotions. I want to cry, I want to scream, I want to run away. I just want my old life back, not this new life. I feel like I am waiting for someone that is never coming back. I'm not quite sure how to deal with the emptyness. I don't know how to overcome the feeling of wanting to hug my baby. I don't know how to deal with everyone around me having their babies, talking about how terrible it is having a new born... my only response is "I can only imagine".
but thank for letting me vent.

Sara I hear you , I would give anything to be up all hours with a new born. More so, I would give anything to be with GG.

Thanks ladies, I am pleased to have found this website to be able to vent. It is great certainly something that I need to get me thru the day. Others can only begin to imagine what we must be going thru, loosing our first child, I can only imagine what it must be like getting up in the middle of the night to them crying, changing a nappy and feeding.... I can only imagine.
Tomorrow is another day, hopefully more strength will be gained tomorrow.

to you both. I agree with both of you - I would do anything to be up in the middle of the night, or all night for that matter, with Satori.

Take Care

Yvonne

Well......I had my final appointment at the hospital yesterday. I was told that I have a 70% chance of getting pre eclampsia again in my next pg and if I do, then a 50% chance of it developing into HELLP. On top of that I was told that there is a lady in the ward who has just lost her baby at 20 or so weeks to pre eclampsia. Hers did not develop into HELLP so physically she is recovering well. I think I was told this so I didnt feel that it was only me?? Not sure, but all I wanted to do was go up to the ward and bundle the new angel mum in cotton wool and cry with her. I did ask if I could go and see her - it just kinda came out of my mouth - the doctor said she would ring the ward and see, but I changed my mind. If someone had of come to me at that time I would have been uncomfortable. I did however leave my cell number and this website address for her. Anyway, just had to get that off my chest.

Hey Tracey,

What a tough time for you. Sorry to hear you got all that news yesterday, big hugs hun. That was very sweet of you to offer support to that poor lady.

I'll be thinking of you and your DH tomorrow on Georgia Grace's due date, sending you lots of love. I hope all our angels are playing together and looking after each other.

Tracy...Am just wanting to send you big big hugs for tomorrow! It breaks my heart to read your posts as it makes me want my angel and my precious nephew back in my sisters arms. His due date was this month too! Plus my gran is turning 91 on your GG due date.
So GG when your looking down, swinging on your star, make sure that kiss your sending to your mum is big and sloppy! Your mummy needs your star to shine so brightly.
I so wish you could have your GG back and in your arms. i wish i wish i wish!
LOVE Babe
Oh and how lovely to think of the other mother as she lost her precious wee angel, that is something I would have said if I was there at the time too, but prob would have ended up doing the same. But your cell and this site is a huge hug and love all in one

Baby Beaie..I really hope you are ok hun, thinking of you and sending love and hugs your way too

(((Hugs))) Tracey. I'm thinking of you and sending you lots of hugs and support from Akld.

Somebody once said to me "Your Angel flies ahead of you to guard you along the way".

I like to think, that if our angels cannot be on earth with us that this is where they are - right in front of us, and I am sure that Georgia Grace will be looking out for her Mummy and Daddy tomorrow and always - giving them lots of angel hugs and kisses along the way.

Take Care and I hope tomorrow is kind to you.

Yvonne

Hi Tracey,

Sending you lots of hugs. I will be thinking of you tommorrow and will add your baby GG to my prayers tonight.

We seem to have a fair bit in common. We got our results this Tuesday, the day before Mia's due date on Wednesday 16th April. So I can understand how big a week it must be for you.

I too also had pre-eclampsia, but it was not confirmed until my last midwife appointment when I was told we had lost Mia. I wasn't showing the normal signs and my bp had seemed normal up until my last appointment. It came on so fast.

I hope you find peace tomorrow with the special memories of your precious angel.

Tracey and DH, huge hugs for today. It is a hard day to deal with, but I'm sure that Georgia will send you lots of angel kisses and cuddles to help make your day easier.
You amaze me lady, that just after having been given your results you were willing to offer support to someone else who had just lost their angel too. ((Big hugs sweetie))

Tracey thinking of you today on Gerogia Grace's Due Date!!

Im sure GG is looking down on you and DH today from Heaven and is sending you both the Wettest Sloppy Kiss she has and lots of Angel hugs too!!

20th of April will always be an important date in your life also GG birthdate. Take these specail days and treasure them. As the years passes you will always remember your sweet baby angel girl. I know that on the 6th and 19th of every month I think of my boys and think geez they are this old now. The 5th of Dec was Camdens Due Date and 13th of July was Keegans. They are date along with their birthdates that will be forever special to me.

Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you today and I hope the sun is shinning and what ever you choose today that is special for GG she will be looking upon you and your DH with love, and Proud to know she is loved and missed so much.

GG watches over you, giving you lots of angel hugs and angel kisses. She is with you at every second, every minute and every hour of every day that you exist. She hears the words you speak, she feels the love you share, she guides you in life and will make sure you are safe.
Big hugs babe, I hope today has been a special day, a hard day I am sure, but know that she is with you in your heart!!!
Look for that star tonight, the brightest star in the sky, it will twinkle at you, you will know she is right there for you.

Thank you all. We had a good day today. DH and I took GG out in the car with us and when we where home, we made up her memory book. DH even got involved, it was very special. The weather was also very good for us so we made a special trip to the cemetary. A very emotional day, but over all it was a good day.

oh wow that sounds like a lovely day hun. So pleased DH got involved too. I would imagine it means so much to do these kind of things together as her parents.
Take care and thinking of you

Oh Tracey, sounds like you had a wonderful day, and I too am glad that your DH got involved. It is nice when you can do things together to remember your angel.

Glad you had a good day Tracey. It sounds like it was very special. You were certainly in my thoughts yesterday.

Take care.

Great to hear that you had such a lovely day in GG's memory.