I dont know where else to go!! I am totally lost at the moment, confused and absolutely terrified to try again for another Pregnancy.

I thought IVF was hard enough but to go thru IVF finally get the dream of getting Pregnant only to loose the baby well into the Second Trimester is heart breaking. After we lost Camden I so desperately wanted a Baby to fill that void so quickly did a Frozen Embryo Transfer and was soon pregnant with Keegan. Sadly we lost him too. So I had two losses in 7 months with only a 2 month break between pregnancy's. After Keegan I took a year off before I finally was at peace to try again so in Feb we did another Frozen Embryo Transfer and we had sucess again. But sadly it developed into a Blight Ovum and I miscarried at 8wks.

I dont know if I can go thru another Pregnancy. The heartache is too much and if we loose another baby I dont think I can cope as im struggling to cope now as it is. My OB is keen for us to start asap but im very hesitant. I have the best care available to me thru the Hight Risk Clinic in Auckland but im down in New Plymouth a good 5 hour drive away so feel as if its pointless having to travel when my Cervix is already very fragile. Why cant I have an easy uncomplicated pregnancy for once!! Why is those that take Drugs, Drink and abuse their bodies when pregnant get an easy ride where as I dont smoke or drink and have never done nor never will do drugs get punished. It breaks my heart that I cant give my wonderful DH the baby we both want and desire so much. I feel guilty everyday that my body has let me down.

Im so scared and dont really know what to do!! I want a baby but totally fear Pregnancy. I just didnt know where else to talk about this. I dont really want to discuss it at a SANDS meeting nor on EBB! So thought here is the best place. Everytime I think of doing another Frozen Embryo Transfer I feel sick in the stomach, get all emotional and stressed. How do I calm myself down and deal with it and move on in hope of the baby we both want.

Oh Fleur I dont know exactly what to say in this situation, for once I am at a loss for words. All I can offer you is my love and support with what ever you decide to do. Hopefully some of the other ladies on here have some advice for you. Hugs Hun

Hi Fleur, I am so sorry to hear that you feel this way. I too am scared to get pregnant again, and I haven't been through all the things you have. I share your opinion about the ones who abuse their bodies and still sail through pregnancy, it just doesnt seem fair. Unfortunatly I am not in a very good position to offer advice, but do want to you know that have my love and support behind you as well.

Oh hon . It is totally understandable that you are feeling this way.

I can't offer you any advice that might stop you from being scared, just support to help you get through whatever the future might bring.

I know that you have briefly talked before about adoption and I know that you still have so many hopes for the safe birth of you own child, but maybe now this is something you need to give some more thought too? Of course this is a choice that you are going to have to make for yourself but perhaps this is another way to make your dreams come true.

As you know I was so scared of another loss after my first pregnancy that I left it for 8 months before I was game enough to even try again. Maybe you need to give yourself some more time before you make any decisions.

Hang in there Fluer.

Hey Fluer (((Big Hugs)))

I saw an earlier post and noticed your counter box showing your most recent loss, and I just felt so sad for you My heart goes out to you sweet.

I can imagine you would be having major issues in regard to trying again, and I don't think anything, anybody can say will lessen that fear. we can only try an offer you support along the way.

I also have panic attacks about another pregnancy, and honestly don't know how I will be, or what I would do if this happened to me again, however I guess the only thing I can do is jump in and try and stay positive about it, and hopefully my biggest wish will come true.

Don't give up on your dreams hun and we are here if you need us

Hi Fleur
Sorry I haven't replied sooner, I've been up in Picton staying at my parents for some R&R.

My heart broke when I read your post and I can really understand your fear. I'm not sure if there is anything I can say to help you, but just know that I feel for you and we are all here for you.

I went through IVF too, so know to a point some of your feelings. My first IVF try didn't take, my 2nd resulted in a miscarriage around 7 weeks and my third attempt resulting in our daughter Caitlyn. My last pregnancy (Liam) was natural and as you probably know, he died at 16 days. It was a huge emotional rollercoaster since starting IVF and to get through the anxiety I just tried to stay positive and looked towards the future. I had a really hard time as I had a number of close friends all getting pregnant and producing healthy babies. But I just had to look passed that.

We are TTC again now and every now and then I start to feel really anxious about it all - but I just keep on telling myself that it won't help getting pg if I'm stressed.

I get mad too about all these people who don't look after their babies - everytime I hear about yet another abuse case my blood boils - how come people like that are given an easy road to have children and then they go and do that .... it's just not fair!

Anyway Fleur, I have rambled for long enough. Take care, try and stay positive and remember we are all here for you.

xox

Fleur,
Hugs to you sweetie I really do not know what else to say to you right now, But I am thinking of you. Hugs again

Fleur I totally understand where you come from, hun!
I have no advice, unfortunately, just hugs and the like.
Thinking of you!

Thank you all so much for your support, hugs and just letting me know you are there for me. You dont realise how much it really does mean to me to know you are there for me to lean on as I am here for you all to lean on also.

I am currently back doing Nanny work at the moment for a friend who has recently moved to New Plymouth and her Childcare arrangements fell thru at the last min. Her little boy is 2 and is so adoreable and is a very good boy to look after. Camden is coming up 2 so its hard to sit and watch him playing and not think geez I with that was my Camden. I sat holding this wee boy yesterday having cuddles and I realised how much I do want a baby, my OWN baby!! We still have 12 Embryos left from our IVF cycle so we dont have to venture thru IVF just do the Embryo Transfers. So DH and I have had a long chat and see how things are in a few months time and she how im feeling we might consider trying again. I guess I just have to face this fear and if I dont I guess it comes down to in a few years I might regret not trying again and by then I will hitting 40 and I so want my family completed by then.

If and when I do get my next BFP I know I have you guys here for support and those wonderful girls on EBB too!! I know I will get there but just the thort of it scares me. So am not going to think about it for a few months get myself ready body and soul and mind and then GO FOR IT!!!

Thank you once again for the hugs I really needed them as I have been having a few bad days lately.

Sending hugs back to those who need them and thank you again for the support and please know am here for you all too!!

Hey Fleur,

Just wanted to suggest that maybe you should look at taking up some Yoga. I have personally found it has been a really nice "ME" thing to do since Satori was born, and has certainly helped with my grieving process at some level. It can also be good for getting your body ready for pregnancy as well.

Just a thought.

Takecare

Yvonne