who we waited so long for never drew a breath.
My husband and I waited 3 and a half years for our son's arrival, he looked after me through the second half of my 3 and a half year old daughters' pregnancy, was there at her delivery, and has cherished her like his own, which in every sense bar the biological, she is. We seemed to have to wait forever to conceive again, his first, mostly because I extended breastfeed, and don't seem to ovulate at all for the first 15 months, and only patchily for some time after.
We knew we had conceived within weeks, and planned everything. He had a name before he was even conceived, and we wanted him so very much. Even as they rushed me off to theatre all I could think was that I'd read that breastfeeding is harder to establish after c-section, never that I might wake up without him.
I felt his last movements as I had the contraction that dislodged his placenta, and ultimately killed him, and my poor husband was asked by the midwife to hold the monitor over his failing heartbeat as she ran out to get help quicker. I honestly thought when he lost the heartbeat that he must have just moved it, I never even considered that my boy's tiny heart had stopped. I have never lost anyone close to me before, other than my Greatgrandmother when I was 16, and it seems so incredibly wrong that the first be him.

Oh sweetie, that is such a sad story. Sorry I haven't seen your post on here before now to welcome you to the group that no-one wants to belong to. This is a wonderful bunch of ladies who have truly helped me get through my own nightmare of loosing my wee man at 16 days.

I look forward to getting to know you.

Take care
xox

for your reply. I see your loss is also recent, and you have my heartfelt sympathy and empathy. We lost Tristan on the 5th of June, and it all seems bizarre and contradictory. On one hand so fresh and raw, and on the other hand, it seems like so long since I felt him move inside me, and I had such little opportunity to see him that unless I look at the photos I have no real memory of his face

I know the feeling. The whole thing really seems very surreal and I often wake up wondering did that actually happen or was it just a horrible horrible nightmare! I am so glad that we managed to get lots of video and photos (about 300) of Liam before he passed ..... there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him.

It DOES get easier, although it is still a bit of a roller coaster as I will sometimes we going along and then just one little thing that spark me off and I'm a mess again.

I hope you are coping ok.

Hello Ness, I'm very sorry for the loss of your wee angel. It is such an unfair and devastating thing to go through but I'm glad you've found this site as there are many great ladies here who are so supportive. It gives me a lot of comfort as it is a safe place for me to voice my feelings with people who understand.

I'm glad you got photos of little Tristan. I love the keepsakes I have of our daughter Mia, they are my treasures of a very special person. Tristan is a lovely name by the way.

Take care and big hugs to you and your family.

Hi Ness,

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your sweet little man and my heart goes out to you, your hubby and your daughter at this extremely tragic time. It is such a cruel and unfair situation to have to be in. You have found a great place full of an understanding bunch of ladies, who certainly understand the journey you are have had no choice in undertaking.

My husband and I lost our little girl, Satori at 36.5 weeks gestation, 7.5 months ago. Some days it seems like it happened just yesterday And although we have a reason for her death, I still ask Why us? everyday.
We also have a 3.5yr old son, Flynn, for who I am forever thankful for.

I look forward to getting to know you and your little angel better.

Take Care, be kind to yourself, and come on and chat whenever you feel like it.

Yvonne

Hi Ness, My name is Hayley, our little boy grew his wings in march this year, I hope you find this site as helpful and friendly as I have. Sending my thoughts to you

So sorry to welcome you to the club no one wants to join.
Hope you find the support you need here.

Oh honey i am so sorry to hear about your loss - you are amongst friends here who are awesome supports ((hugs))