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 How Do You?........ 
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Joined: Sat Sep 16, 2006 5:16 pm
Posts: 169
Location: Hamilton
Post How Do You?........
:cry: How do you move on or forward with your life after a loss?

Im am sitting here in tears absolutely heart broken that ive suffered another loss!! Baby's after 12wks Gest arent ment to die!! Miscarriage happens before that!! I sit asking over and over "WHY ME"!!!! Why do I always seem to be one who suffers like this over and over again why cant it be easy!! Why do I have my baby's taken away from me when all I have to offer them is love!! What have I done that is so horrible to be punished like this!!

I feel like I have been living a huge Lie!! I dont like to leave the house incase I bump into someone I know who knew I was pregnant to avoid the questions about the baby!! I feel so empty inside so lost and confused and dont know what to do!!

I dont know where to turn!! I have a wonderful supportive husband who is a rock for me and I dont want to burden with all of this cos he is grieving for his baby too!! 3 little boys 3 little crosses on the one grave is 3 too many!! I want my boys back so desperately!! I am so sick of people saying to me "Obviously you arent ment to have boys or carry boys"!! WTF who gives you the right to tell me what gender of baby im ment or not ment to have!! Im so sick of the offers of a Surrogate for me I want to do this and give it the best I can before I give up!! Why do people find that hard to take. I dont want to feel as more of a failure than I already do so why put the pressure on me to give up and go with a surrogate!! I know I can do it and I know in myself that one day I will get my baby when or how who knows!!

Sorry for the vent but I just didnt know where else to turn. As I said im very confused and lost at the moment. The Ph calls have stopped the visitors have gone away and im left alone once again.

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:angel:Camden Mark @20.1wks 07/06
:angel:Keegan Leslie @17.4wks 02/07
:angel:Blighted Ovum@8wks 03/08
:angel:Caeden Hugh @21.1wks 10/08

IVF Mummy to 3 Beautiful :angel: Boys!!

An Angel in the book of life
wrote down my baby’s birth
and whispered as she closed the book
"too beautiful for the Earth"


Fri Oct 31, 2008 7:15 pm
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Joined: Fri Feb 15, 2008 9:03 pm
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Location: Christchurch
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:grphug: Fleur ..... I so feel for your loss and your frustration. I wish there was an easy answer or some magic words that would help ease your pain. You have been dealt such a cruel blow and I don't know if the question of 'why me' ever really goes away.

It's hard when all those regular phones calls and visits suddenly stop - but it's not that people have stopped caring in any way or form. I think people simply just don't know how to deal with this sort of grief, unless you have been there before of course.

Hun, I am sure what you are feeling is all part of the grieving process and probably just something that you have to work through.

Just know we are for you and what better place to vent.

The biggest hugs ever.
xox

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Tanya

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Fri Oct 31, 2008 8:39 pm
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Joined: Sat Sep 16, 2006 5:16 pm
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Location: Hamilton
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Thanks Tanya,

I just feel so guilty that ive let down another baby and couldnt protect it enough to save it. I feel like a failure of a mother!!

I never thought I would ever feel this lonely and lost. I hide alot from DH as I dont want to burden him with this as he has enough to deal with already. I have no where else to turn. I have so many unanswered questions.

Yeah I know its all part of the grieving process and its something we have to do. I dont know if I will ever get this loss. Each one has sent me deeper and deeper to the point of where I cant get back out again. It just hurts too much. I want to show my baby's off have to them around me to watch grow and to love and cherish.

I guess as they say time heals all and its still very raw and new. I know I have to give myself time but its hard when friends whom you thought were good friends have just turned their back on you as they dont know what to say or how to deal with you anymore. All I ask of them is not to say anything to just be there for me is that too much to ask?

Thanks for letting me vent I just need to get this off my chest.

_________________
:angel:Camden Mark @20.1wks 07/06
:angel:Keegan Leslie @17.4wks 02/07
:angel:Blighted Ovum@8wks 03/08
:angel:Caeden Hugh @21.1wks 10/08

IVF Mummy to 3 Beautiful :angel: Boys!!

An Angel in the book of life
wrote down my baby’s birth
and whispered as she closed the book
"too beautiful for the Earth"


Fri Oct 31, 2008 10:12 pm
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Joined: Sat Jul 16, 2005 3:01 pm
Posts: 1689
Location: Auckland
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Oh Fleur, i think about you all the time and the pain you must be going through. You're NOT a horrible person, you didn't do something terrible to deserve this (you simply do not deserve this), and you are NOT living a lie. It's such a b%$^h when bad things happen to good people, and thats what it is, bad things hapening to good people. People can be so thoughtless, and that's just it, they don't have an inkling of what it's like, but I genuinly think that they don't mean it the way we tend to take it, they just don't know what else to say, I just wish people wouldn't force the need to say 'something' and end up saying something stupid.
I admire you for sticking to your guns and knowing you can do it. I think the feeling of being a faliure are totally normal, you are probably feeling them so much more intensly being robbed of 3 beautiful boys (screw those people who say you weren't meant to carry boys, what would they know, you DID carry 3 boys, I believe if you weren't meant to carry boys, you wouldn't conceive them). Please remember that your ARE NOT a faliure. I haven't met you, but it seems to me that you are a wonderful person, you're husband obviously thinks so, so do your friends, we all think so here, and over on ebb, a failiure wouldn't have so many people gunning for them.
One day you will hold another baby in your arms and you will get to keep that baby, nurture and watch them grow, and yu will always have your boys in your heart & memories.
When all the calls stop, and the cards stop, and people get on with their lives, it can really be a hard time, we all know that, thats when we're there for you. Hey.....pm me your mobile and I'll keep you busy with txts if you like :D
but seriously hun, it's still early days, you know that, we can't take your pain away, but we can help share it for you :bighug:

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Fri Oct 31, 2008 10:14 pm
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Joined: Mon Jul 18, 2005 8:39 pm
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Oh Fleur, your messages brought tears to my eyes and huge pain in my heart, so I can only imagine your emotions and thoughts too!
SOrry have not advice but want to send some hugs and love.
Take care hun and vent away.

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Sun Nov 02, 2008 8:04 pm
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Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2008 9:04 pm
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:grphug: Fleur, Sorry I don't really have any useful advice myself but just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and sending you hugs and love too. We are all here for you.

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Mon Nov 03, 2008 1:06 pm
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:grouphug: Fleur.
I'm thinking of you often and like the others have said, you are NOT a failure. You're in pain and I want to give you a big hug. It's still so raw. :cry: Feel free to vent on here anytime, we're here for you.

Lots of love

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Mon Nov 03, 2008 3:17 pm
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:bighug: :bighug: :bighug: Fluer. My heart aches for you sweet. Things are so raw for you at the moment and you have just got to do whats best for you at the moment.

I imagine that shock is a major factor for you at the moment, and I'm hearing you about the dumb things people say - often they just don't know what to say, but feel the need to say something anyway - IYKWIM - and it generally ends up being the wrong thing :(

Through it all, and from what I have read in the past, you come across to me as somebody who is determined to achieve her dream of bringing a child into this world, and that is what is going to get you there sweet - determination.

Meanwhile we are all here to help you through the hard times, and your sweet boys are with you always, helping you along whenever the going gets tough.

Take Care Sweety

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Mon Nov 03, 2008 8:38 pm
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Joined: Sat Sep 03, 2005 8:19 pm
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Hi, sorry for the very late reply from me, I read your post ages ago but have felt so lost for words. I can't imagine what it must feel like for you to have lost not one but 3 babies. I am so sorry that you've had to suffer this awful loss so many times.

Please feel free to vent whenever you feel you need to here.. we are all here for you.

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Mon Nov 10, 2008 3:37 pm
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Oh Fleur...first of all Huge hugs to you sweetie.. I too have taken ages to reply as it is hard to know exactly what to reply with. The emotion in your post is overwhealming...

First of all YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!!! And one day you will get your wish of holding your very own live baby in your arms...

I just dont know where to begin but please know that you are free to vent here at anytime and we are all here for you.

All of my love Carley

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Mon Nov 10, 2008 9:28 pm
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Joined: Sun Aug 03, 2008 11:49 pm
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Oh Fleur I'm so sorry to read this, I don't know what to say :(
I hope you're as ok as you can be, and things are going gently for you hun. :grphug:

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