Oh Fleur, i think about you all the time and the pain you must be going through. You're NOT a horrible person, you didn't do something terrible to deserve this (you simply do not deserve this), and you are NOT living a lie. It's such a b%$^h when bad things happen to good people, and thats what it is, bad things hapening to good people. People can be so thoughtless, and that's just it, they don't have an inkling of what it's like, but I genuinly think that they don't mean it the way we tend to take it, they just don't know what else to say, I just wish people wouldn't force the need to say 'something' and end up saying something stupid.
I admire you for sticking to your guns and knowing you can do it. I think the feeling of being a faliure are totally normal, you are probably feeling them so much more intensly being robbed of 3 beautiful boys (screw those people who say you weren't meant to carry boys, what would they know, you DID carry 3 boys, I believe if you weren't meant to carry boys, you wouldn't conceive them). Please remember that your ARE NOT a faliure. I haven't met you, but it seems to me that you are a wonderful person, you're husband obviously thinks so, so do your friends, we all think so here, and over on ebb, a failiure wouldn't have so many people gunning for them.
One day you will hold another baby in your arms and you will get to keep that baby, nurture and watch them grow, and yu will always have your boys in your heart & memories.
When all the calls stop, and the cards stop, and people get on with their lives, it can really be a hard time, we all know that, thats when we're there for you. Hey.....pm me your mobile and I'll keep you busy with txts if you like
but seriously hun, it's still early days, you know that, we can't take your pain away, but we can help share it for you