I know here is the best place to talk about what and how im feeling at the moment!!

I feel as if I have no control anymore in my life. I feel empty and lost.

In the past few weeks I have found out that 4 friends are now pregnant all due around the Dec/Jan. I cant help feel Jealous and Envious and wish it was my turn. After being told NOT to try again its all I can think about!! I start to wonder whats the point in carrying on with life. I would happier being with my boys. Why cant anything good happen in my life. Every day every where there are baby's and pregnant woman. I am the ONLY one of my friends who doesnt have any ALIVE Children and I hate it. I WILL Never hear my own child call me MUM and that is something I have always dreamt of. I just dont know what to anymore. I dont want to feel this way anymore. I feel as if I have no one to turn too!! I contacted Maternal Mental Health team to be told there is no reason for them help me!! Basically if I try to kill myself they will pay attention WTF whats the point thats just plain stupid!!!

So I guess im having a vent here!! Im so sick of being the one who visits friends with new bubs and will the one everyone feels sorry for which in itself is something I HATE more than ANYTHING!!! I dont want PITY I just WANT My Babies BACK!!!!



Thanks for letting me have my VENT I guess here is the only Place I really can do it!!

Oh Mrs Sloppers!

I don't really know what to say except that anybody who deliberately gets drunk while they are pregnant and then gets behind the wheel of a car doesn't deserve to be a mummy. You would have thought after looosing a baby she would want to hold onto this one and wrap it cotton wool and never ever let him/her get hurt. Having said that she is obviously having her own issues and is struggling so she needs help.

As for you, I can't even begin to imagine how it must feel to loose 3 babies and then be told not to try again. It must be devastating. And maternal mental health should be available for you, I don't understand why they would turn anyone away, at least not with a suggestion of where else you could go. Your friends having babies will definately pull on your heart strings, but being your friends they should understand where you are coming from if you talk to them about it. My SIL who had a baby 2 weeks after my son was born was feeling down the last couple days, just like everything was too much for her and I felt the same as you...why am I the one being there for someone who has a baby???

Anyway I haven't been much help but I hope things do get a little easier for you.

Nat

Hi hun,
This will be quick but I'll txt you later (the kids are being rowdy so have no concentration).
It makes me so angry that someone who has lost a baby would deliberatly put another baby at such risk, drinking/smoking/and driving drunk, WTF is up with THAT, and being connected with SANDS, I just don't get it.
You know I luffs ya hun, I'm so sorry you're hurting. I really hope you keep persuing the adoption/foster thing. I know how much you want your 'own' baby, I really do, but if you can't have one of your own, I think you would make an awesome Mum to a baby who's own mother doesn't want them, that baby deserves someone like you who will love them unconditionally.
Your boys will be there when you join them, but it's not time yet hun, it scares me to hear you talking like that, you have much more to do here hun, (I think we both know a certain someone who would say the same thing). I say keep on at Maternal Mental health, you should be entitled to their services, keep on at them, ring them again TODAY, and TOMORROW, and the next day.
Take care hun, we are all here for you.

Hey sweetie. I felt so angry reading your post about your friend drinking/ smoking/ driving while pregnant. I just can't understand why someone would do such a thing. It always makes me wild when I see people pregant and smoking ... makes me want to grab the thing out of their gobs and smack them (sorry, I'm not really violent - but it does make me very mad!). You just never know what gets into people to do some irresponsible things, something we'll never begin understand.

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling so low again and I know that you don't want pity, but please know that we are here for you in whatever way you need us for.

I friend recently told me of a girl she knows who has lost a baby to SIDS, has had lots of trouble conceiving and has also had major medical issues in the family to deal with. Like you, she is a lovely, bubbly lady and just doesn't deserve such cruel bad luck. However, she is just in process of picking up her adopted baby boy and is over the moon. As per Manda's post - if this is an option for you, it may be something worth pursuing as you would be such an awesome Mum and any little baby would be so lucky to have you.

I know I have been a bit lax with posting here - but I do think of you often.
xox

Fleur, im glad you are venting here its so important that you let these thoughts out. My advice for you would be to consider not visiting the friends with babies that you are going to leave feeling worse than when you got there. (Especially the ones that are prone to saying dumb stuff iykwim?) I know its a fine line between isolating yourself and pushing yourself to learning to cope. But recently ive stopped pushing myself to be doing those things (visiting pregnant friends, being around little babies) and i just feel a lot less anxious than i had been. And the times i have gone to see them that anxiety just comes straight back and even makes me feel phiscally sick. Put yourself first, think about what you need.
You are such a great Mum and i think if your thinking about adoption, if a little baby was able to join your family it would be so very lucky to get you as its mumma.
By the way im SOOO FRUSTRATED maternal mental health are turning you away i cant believe it!!!!!!!!!!! UUURGGGHH (i want to go yell at them).
Im here if you ever need to talk, just pm and we can meet on here for a chat k

Hi Fleur, I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel better, but remember you can contact me at any time, even flick me a text in the middle of the night if you need to. I believe that there is a baby out there that needs you, I don't mean that they need a mother, I mean they need YOU to be their mother. Your boys will guide you and bring you together. I personally do not believe in God, but I believe that there is something else out there beyond this life. More of an energy, spiritual existance. Our Angels are looking out for us and helping us move in the right direction. You will are and always will be their mum, and you are the best mum they could ever ask for. If you listen carefully to the breeze, you will hear them saying "Mum, we love you".
Keep on at maternal mental health, you should be entitled to their services. Can your midwife suggest any other supports that might help?
We are all here for you and will support you through anything.
Big Hugs

Hugs Fleur. It must be so hard
I think people like that almost don't deserve their babies, it's so unfair. They don't value what they have, when we would give anything to have ours back. It's like another kick in the guts.