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 So sad and empty, will it ever get better?? 
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Post So sad and empty, will it ever get better??
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Last edited by mollyj on Sat Mar 23, 2013 2:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.



Thu Sep 27, 2012 1:06 pm
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Post Re: So sad and empty, will it ever get better??
Honey - I am so sad to see that you have had to come and post here - but on the other hand - glad that you have found this site - there is a wealth of information & support here.

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of wee Jaxon - its so heart-wrenching - and it isn't something you just get over. I've never understood people who say 'oh you should be moving on' or 'you should be better by now' and what I often got told 'oh you're still upset - call me when you aren't'. People don't behave like this when they loose a loved one - what makes a pregnancy - a baby - a life any different??

So sorry that people are so negative honey - I can understand somewhat; what that is like and really hope you do have some support people to help you through this painful journey.

There is no way one should grieve - it will always hurt - i know I do - even for my first loss back in 2005, when I first found this site.

I know not many post here anymore - but I am always floating around and here every day just to check & see if people have posted.

Much love sweetheart
xoxo

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Thu Sep 27, 2012 10:21 pm
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Post Re: So sad and empty, will it ever get better??
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Last edited by mollyj on Sat Mar 23, 2013 2:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.



Fri Sep 28, 2012 9:22 pm
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Post Re: So sad and empty, will it ever get better??
It's hard to imagine a day when you will ever stop crying - because for a long time - it's all I ever did - was cry. Even now finding little things can set me off - seeing pregnant ladies - babies etc.

How lovely going to see Jaxon everyday - just doesn't seem right does it.

Sometimes people can't understand totally what you are going through when they haven't been through it themselves.

Have you been in contact with SANDS?

Have a look at their website:
http://sands.org.nz

They are also on Facebook - they are a wealth of knowledge and support xoxo

Please look after yourself
xoxo

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Sat Sep 29, 2012 1:01 pm
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Post Re: So sad and empty, will it ever get better??
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Last edited by mollyj on Sat Mar 23, 2013 2:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.



Wed Oct 03, 2012 1:53 pm
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Post Re: So sad and empty, will it ever get better??
Distraction only works for a little time and never works huh.

Seems so wrong to be at work huh when you should be at home with your baby.

Was he your first?

Personally, I think this has to be one of the cruellest things on earth - without a doubt.

I hope you are taking care of yourself love - have been thinking of you

xoxo

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Sat Oct 06, 2012 9:08 pm
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Post Re: So sad and empty, will it ever get better??
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Last edited by mollyj on Sat Mar 23, 2013 2:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.



Mon Oct 08, 2012 7:32 pm
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Post Re: So sad and empty, will it ever get better??
Hi Molly. So sorry to hear what you have been going through and your angel Jaxon. It is not something that will ever be easy to cope with and other people will never understand unless they have been unfortunate enough too go through it themselves. Even then we all deal with things in our own way. By the sounds of it you have a very supportive mum and fiance which is amazing. And it's great that you can go and visit Jaxon and talk to him whenever you like. I had my son cremated and one thing I don't like about that is that I don't have anywhere nice to go and talk to him. I have his ashes though and one day when we have our own house I will make a beautiful garden for him and I will talk to him there.

As Telly said we do pop in and see what is happening in here even though it looks like no-one is talking anymore so if you ever need to chat we are here to listen.

I hope you are having a better week so far this week, remember to make time for you and your fiance. Jaxon knows just how great his mummy is even when you are not crying for him. You will always be his mummy and he will always be your son. No-one can take that away from you.

Hope to hear from you soon,

Nat

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Tue Oct 09, 2012 11:33 am
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Post Re: So sad and empty, will it ever get better??
I still find myself seeing pregnant people and babies - ever since my first miscarriage about 7 years ago.

Is good that the ladies where you work are so supportive.

Remember to take time out for you and look after you love - as hard as that is.

Sounds like wee Jaxon was a wee trickster! Makes you wonder what the sonographer saw the first time!

I hope you get some answers when you see your specialist - waiting will be so so hard xoxo

I am so very angry at the card I have been dealt - my loss of Bella in April broke my heart in a way that it will never repair.

Take care love

xoxo

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Tue Oct 09, 2012 6:50 pm
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Post Re: So sad and empty, will it ever get better??
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Last edited by mollyj on Sat Mar 23, 2013 2:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.



Thu Oct 11, 2012 8:01 pm
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Post Re: So sad and empty, will it ever get better??
Nice to hear that you have had a nicer week :)

What a wonderful midwife you have - is so much nicer to have a caring and loving midwife. I've had a couple of shitters but my last midwife has been wonderful.

Interesting you say about the bee - i used to have bee's hang around me all the time - which scared the living daylights out of me cos I hate bees lol. A spiritual person told me to look into it online but I can't for the life of me find what I'm looking for - typical!

I hope you have a good trip to Australia over Labour Weekend! I hope you get to spoil yourselves!

There is an awesome website you can go visit for some nice remembrance jewellery and stuff - absolutely gorgeous & another nice way to keep your wee man close http://www.myangel.co.nz

Take care

xoxo

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Sun Oct 14, 2012 4:23 pm
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Post Re: So sad and empty, will it ever get better??
Your midwife sounds awesome Molly! That's really good to hear. I like your profile pic! Is it Jaxon's foot? It's so teeny :(. A trip to Oz sounds like a great idea! Can I come? Lol. We went to Dylan's mum's for a week after our son was born. She lives in Whitianga and we are in Auckland so that was a nice break. Hope you have a nice time and get in loads of relaxing! :)

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Mon Oct 15, 2012 8:44 pm
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Post Re: So sad and empty, will it ever get better??
A bit OTT here - but didn't realise you were in Auckland too Nat!

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Mon Oct 15, 2012 8:49 pm
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Post Re: So sad and empty, will it ever get better??
Yup I'm a Jaffa lol. We live in blockhouse bay

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Wed Oct 17, 2012 12:49 pm
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Post Re: So sad and empty, will it ever get better??
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Last edited by mollyj on Sat Mar 23, 2013 2:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.



Wed Oct 17, 2012 1:49 pm
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Post Re: So sad and empty, will it ever get better??
We miles apart then Nat I'm in Pukekohe lol

Sorry to hear your week has turned to crap Molly. Hopefully the undertakers sort their sh*t out babes - makes things so much harder when others can't do their job properly.

Honey - I still bawl at the sight of babies around what Bella would be - completely normal in my opinion.

Have you spoken to your GP or therapist about something to help you sleep? I haven't slept properly in ages - and am finding some medications of some help. Maybe worth looking into?

What a sweet girl for doing that for you - that's one thing I don't have and I really regret it.

Take care of yourself and hope you manage to have a good time xoxo

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Wed Oct 17, 2012 11:13 pm
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Post Re: So sad and empty, will it ever get better??
Sorry to hear that Molly. Just know that everything you are feeling is so normal and as much as I would love to tell you it gets better, it really doesn't. It gets easier to cope with, but the feelings of jealousy, grief, why me? etc will remain. And there is no right amount of time to feel these things either. I'm 3-and-a-half years in and still feeling like that and I have a friend who is 10 years in and still feeling the same. But you will get to a point where you have more happy days than sad I promise!

Stupid funeral directors!! So annoying! Hope they figure it out soon hun! Did they have an answer as to why you went into labour early? You don't have to share if you don't want to I just thought I would ask because you didn't say in your first post so was wondering and also I am a midwifery student so am curious.

Hope you have a relaxing long weekend with your hubby :). If you like you can add me on fb if you have an account. That way if you want to chat we can have a private and instant chat :). My name is Nat Sheeran.

Telly Puke isn't tooooooo far haha. How long have you lived there? I have friends and family from Puke although none of them there any more

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Fri Oct 19, 2012 8:43 pm
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Post Re: So sad and empty, will it ever get better??
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Last edited by mollyj on Sat Mar 23, 2013 2:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.



Sat Oct 20, 2012 5:27 pm
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Post Re: So sad and empty, will it ever get better??
I used to tell people I was "OK" when they asked! It's just easier than watching their awkward squirm eh! Will look out for your friend request. I hope you have a nice time in OZ. Chat when you get back :)

Nat

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Sun Oct 21, 2012 9:42 am
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Post Re: So sad and empty, will it ever get better??
Sorry I haven't been in for a few days love - been one of those weeks :?

Hope your trip to Oz went alright - look forward to hearing how the holiday went :)

I am glad the funeral directors got their shit sorted out - hopefully a lesson for the future for them. You'll be glad not to have that battle also!

Am surprised they have only put you on a short course - since April I have been on sleeping meds - miracle if I get a full nights sleep - but at least I am able to get to sleep.

I am devastated about having no mementos and memories from Bella - but she is forever in my heart & in my thoughts....

xoxo

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Wed Oct 24, 2012 9:24 pm
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Post Re: So sad and empty, will it ever get better??
How have things been love? Have been thinking of you xoxo

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Thu Nov 01, 2012 8:16 pm
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Post Re: So sad and empty, will it ever get better??
How have things been love? Have been thinking of you xoxo

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Thu Nov 01, 2012 8:16 pm
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Post Re: So sad and empty, will it ever get better??
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Last edited by mollyj on Sat Mar 23, 2013 2:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.



Sat Nov 03, 2012 8:36 pm
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Post Re: So sad and empty, will it ever get better??
Good to hear you are feeling a little better.

I didn't get a pm from you so must have been the wrong Nat :P. What's your last name I'll look you up :)

That sure is a lot of little angels in a short space of time! Very sad. What did they ask on the survey? Can't have been a very nice thing to have to do. When I had my son there was a small group of obstetricians doing research on stillbirth and I was interviewed for it. I think it was about 2 or 3 weeks after he was born so it was very hard and awkward but the lady was really nice and brought a little candle for Dreyton.

I used to lay awake at night too. I used to struggle to get to sleep because I was crying etc. I only ever used to cry in bed or when I was by myself. Then once I was asleep if I woke up I struggled to get back to sleep. It's awful but you will find that as your world starts to return to some kind of normalcy you will start to sleep better. Not that your life can ever be normal after what you have been through. You have a new normal now <3

Anyway glad you had a nice break and got to escape our average weather! Looking forward to some sunshine!

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Mon Nov 05, 2012 8:27 pm
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Post Re: So sad and empty, will it ever get better??
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Last edited by mollyj on Sat Mar 23, 2013 2:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.



Fri Nov 09, 2012 1:49 pm
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