Last week I ordered Maria's birth certificate, which arrived yesterday - now I have a legal record that she existed.

I also phoned the hospital to find out about photos they might have of Maria on file. The lady in medical records was very helpful and looked in my file while I was on the phone to her. They are not able to give me the original photos but have offered to scan them and email them to me. I couldn't have hoped for a better outcome. It felt a little strange sitting there on the end of the phone, knowing she was looking at Maria's photos, but she was very kind and helpful.

I feel like I am finally ready to face my fears surrounding Maria's pictures, and work on not caring what others may think.

The more time that passes from Maria's birth, the more I feel like I need proof that she existed.

Good on you Alana. it is good that you will have the photos of Maria that you can treasure now.
How did you feel when Maria's birth certificate arrived? For me it was a very surreal feeling, in that it was weird IYKWIM?
Well done for taking the first steps and know that we are all here if you need to chat.

im so glad u have made that step as hard as it was for u im sure it will help u alot, i know what you mean about feeling like she existed i also have this regarding Ryan, i have only a few friends who still talk about him everynow and then but most act as if He was never here and it never happened, which is sad and i don't expect people to always talk about him but he is apart of our family, and always will be im so happy for u i to was also thinking about getting the copy of Ryan's birth certificate as i didn't order one when i sent for it, i want to have as much as possible of him when i leave for aussie so i think i might get one sent to me.
its nice that the hospital will email u the photos of maria, which hospital was she born in?

Thanks ladies for your support. Maria was born at North Shore hospital because Waitakere does not do scheduled inductions for stillborn babies.

I was amazed at how easy it was to order the birth certificate, I just rang births, deaths and marriages and ordered it over the phone with my credit card. It only took 3 days to arrive, their service is great!

wow thats fast i might do mine today, yea i was living out west when i had Ryan they sent me to auckland hospital.

WTG Alana That is so great that you felt ready to order Maria's birth certificate and contact the hospital. Big brave hugs to you

Oh and BTW - Did you ever send me that copy of the SANDS newsletter? I never received it but thought you might just be busy with the kids/study/work. Don't worry if you are

Well done Alana, I know how hard all this must have been, but also healing.
I remember ordering Riley's birth certificate only a couple of weeks after losing him, at the time I thought it was so cruel to have to do this, but so glad that I did do it.

Big Hugs
Jacqui

Thats fantastic Alana, both about the birth cert and photos, I guess I'll be in the same boat about the photos when I finally take the plunge (Trinity was born at North Shore too).

I know what you mean about time passing and needing proof of existance. The more time passes the further away I feel from Trinity, sometimes I feel like I'm losing her all over again. I have this picture in my head of outstretched arms.

Hugs to you Alana....that must have been a hard step to take and one you were ready for. I am so pleased that everyone you have dealt with was nice and very helpful...it must make the whole step easier (iykwim).
Thinking of you

Well the email arrived today with a picture of my beautiful Maria, finally I can see what she really looked like (without her fragile little body being swamped by a gown and hat). It's wonderful to have it in time for her second birthday. I had forgotten how perfect her little hands and feet were.

The only sad thing is that it was taken with a polaroid camera and the picture was scanned to send to me, so not the best of quality but I can't complain as I know there are hundreds of women out there who never had photos of their precious angels.

Alana - I'm glad that you finally have the photo you wanted of your precious little Maria

I'm happy for you, that you finally have this photo of your beautiful Maria.
You sounded so blissful in your post