Hello there
I was pleased to come across a New Zealand website for people who have lost their babies and from reading through other people's experience and seeing what a great supportive group this seems to be, I thought I would add my story.

Our wee Liam passed away on 9 February 2008 .... I can't believe it's almost a week agao. This is our story ....

Liam made a very quick and early arrival at 12.38am on Thursday 24th January – 2 ½ weeks early. My waters broke around 12.10am and we left home at 12.20am and after a high speed drive with hazard lights on and after running (carefully) many red lights, Liam was born at 12.38am. I only just managed to make it to the hospital and Liam’s head was emerging before I managed to make it on to the bed!!

It turns out that Liam’s dramatic entrance into the world was only the start of many dramatic events to come in his short life.

It was evident very early that Liam had swallowed a bit of meconium and was having some breathing difficulties. He was admitted to Neo Natal Intensive Care and was on oxygen. All these early signs were consistent with meconium aspiration. Over his first day, Liam continued to work very hard to breath and became very stiff and had jerky arm movements, so a decision was made to put him on ventilation. These abnormal movements increased in severity later that day to seizure like activity and Liam’s temperature was up to 40.5 with his heart rate up to230 beats per minute.

At this point we realized that we had a very sick little boy, but it was unknown as to what the cause was or even what they were dealing with.

Liam continued to struggle over the days and he was still unresponsive. He had no gag reflex which meant he required constant suctioning. An EEG was done which showed very abnormal brain activity, but an MRI showed nothing particularly unusual. Liam’s sedation medication was stopped so that the Doctors could see what he could do by himself.

When Liam was 5 days old, he was extubated into room air and we finally got to have a cuddle with him. This was a very special time and the first of many cuddles we had with him. At 6 days, Liam opened his eyes while I was talking to him.

The next few days continued with lots of cuddles from us and other family members and even a couple of baths. However Liam’s condition remained the same and test results were inconclusive.

When Liam was 15 days old, he had a repeat MRI and EEG which showed that at some stage late in the pregnancy Liam had suffered an insult to his brain from lack of oxygen and if he was to survive, he would be severely handicapped.

At 16 days old, Liam had a settled night. During the morning it was harder to keep Liam’s oxygen levels up and he was finding it harder to breath. At 12:30pm he had a drop in heart rate and it was difficult to recover Liam from this. We were called in and Liam was very pale and needed lots of support to keep going. Liam was taken out of his cot and we held him close until he passed away at 2:20pm.

Dear Liam's Mum,

Once again we have to welcome another Mum to the club no-one wants to join. What a gorgeous wee man your Liam was. I hope you keep coming back to our site, as I know you will find the love, support and understanding you are needing from all the wonderful women who make up our Lost Ones family. You are very brave to have made the initial step into the forum, and good on you for sharing your precious wee boy.

Love and hugs
Rae xox
( Nana to TrinityClair, Mum of Manda)

Liams Mummy,
I have tears pouring down my face reading about your lil boy and his picture took my breath away, how adorable is he!!!
I am very sorry for your loss and sorry that we are welcoming you here but am glad that you have found us as well, The ladies here are very supportive and welcoming and have helped me through so much over the last two and a bit years.

Hi Liams Mummy,
I am so sorry for your loss. My heart is breaking for you, only a week ago, you must still be in shock. What a little cutie pie wee Liam is. You are very brave to open up so soon after such a tragedy to a group of strangers, though we are no strangers to your pain. We are all here for you when you need us. I'm sorry, this is such a disjointed message, words are failing me at the moment, I just can't believe how cruel life can be sometimes.
Take care hun, please come back and visit us whenever you need to.

Hi Liams Mum,

What a gorgeous wee man. I am so sorry that you have to be here and I'm sending lots of (((hugs))) your way. You have certainly found a group of ladies here, that can offer you some support, and have an idea about what you may be going through. If you need to talk please do not hesitate to reach out. I know that it must be very raw at the moment for you, so just take everything at your own pace sweet, and be good to yourself.

My name is Yvonne, and Neil and I lost our little girl Satori 3mths ago. She was born sleeping at 37wks, and we have recently found out that it was due to Diabetes which cause 25% of my placenta to shut down. She also suffered a small brain hemorage but they feel that happened due to lack of oxygen, because of the clots that had formed in my placenta.

Everyday is still quite painful, some more than others, however its good to know that support is only a message away.

Take care and I hope you can find some comfort in visiting TLO.

Hello Liam's Mum
Welcome to this site - I am so sorry for the loss of your little Liam. He looks absolutely gorgeous and your story brings tears to my eyes. I hope that you find the love and support that you need here at this site.

I've been part of this group of lovely ladies for about 2 1/2 years now. Every day gets a little easier but the pain never completely goes away... Please feel free to come here and post whenever you need to, we are all here for you.

Wot a gorgeous little man Liam is. So sorry you have had to join this "club", but welcome. Only recently too. I am glad you have found this site, they are really a wonderful and supportive group of ladies. Feel free to vent whenever.

Ally

Oh Liam's Mum... I am sitting here with tears pouring down my face. Liam is such a cutie, and that makes the pain even harder. You are a brave lady for reaching out so soon after your loss.
My name is Carley, married to Phill and SAHM to Bayden 5 and our angel girl Julia Rose-Joy, born sleeping 3/11/06.
The ladies on this forum have become like a second family to me, and they are always here for me if I need them, and we are here for you too. If ever you feel that you need to talk and share your feelings, or scream and rant at the world, that is what we are here for, because unfortunately we are all in the same situation as you are, having to deal with the loss of our precious ones. Take care and be good to yourself over the coming weeks and months and pop back in when you can and let us know how you are getting on.
Love and Hugs Carley

Oh Honey

((hugs))

I am so sorry you have a reason to be here - but so glad you have come across us. This site has been awesome to me - and to all the other ladies that are here.

Well done for being able to share your story with us - must have been really hard ((hugs))

Try and take care of yourself ((hugs))

BTW - Your wee man is gorgeous

Thank you so much for all your lovely replies. It is strangely comforting to know that I am not alone in this.

I am still on a huge emotional roller coaster, but thankfully have my 2 1/2 year old daughter, Caitlyn to keep me sane. My hubby went back to work this week, which was hard - but of course life does still go on and I thankfully have my Mum still staying with us as extra support.

Hi Liams Mum. My heart goes out to you at this incredibly sad time. It is very grounding though to have an older child around - sort of gives you a good reason to get up and start the new day. I don't know what I would have done without my 3yr old Flynn.

Its been 3mths since Satori was born sleeping and some days it feels like yesterday, but on others it feels like so long ago, because of emotional rollercoaster. It definitely get easier, but its lots of small steps, of which I am sure I have still got a million to go. Take Care and I'm thinking of you.

Liam's Mummy, my heart breaks for you. Your gorgeous little boy passed away on my daughter's birthday and you are so very brave for opening up about it already.
Welcome to the club nobody wants to join. I lost my Chloe in August 2006 at 24 weeks. I still miss her everyday.

Hi Liams Mummy,
Sadly welcome to this wonderful place, I hope you manage to find some comfort amonst these pages.
Your story broke my heart and Liam is so beautiful, thank you for sharing his picture.

Take care and lots of Hugs
Jacqui

Hi Liam's Mum.
I am very very sorry for your loss. What a beautiful baby boy he is. My heart goes out especially to you and your family at this sad time.
Lots of love and hugs,
Melissa

It's been a month since our wee man left us ..... I can't believe it. It's been a very emotional day. It's also my hubby's birthday today, so I am trying to keep happy and smiley for him ..... but it's hard!

I wrote him a letter from Liam for his birthday today which had us both in tears But it's just something I wanted to do and words that I'm sure our wee man would want to say had he got the chance.

I miss him sooooo much!

Oh honey i can't imagine how hard this time must be for you

sending you the biggest ((hugs))

Hi Tanya, first of all huge ((hugs)) to you and DH today. The first anniversary is probably one of the worst, because it is all so fresh in your memory. i think what you did for DH was beautiful, and a memory that he will treasure for a long time. Remember we are all here for you if you need us.

Tanya - I'm so sorry I did not see this thread until now. It must have been and incredibly hard day - my heart goes out to you. (((Hugs))) and I hope you got through it with lots of support. The letter sounded like a very touching thing to do to mark this sad Anniversary Happy Birthday to DH & Take Care