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 New Here and very lost 
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Joined: Wed Oct 08, 2008 9:07 pm
Posts: 22
Post New Here and very lost
Our son died 3 months ago after being born at 24 weeks, he lived for 54 days of which we were in hospitals away from our other children. In the end he had severe chronic lung disease, he died in my arms and suddenly it was over. Outwardly people think I'm fine, inside i feel like I've died with him.
I'm desperate for another baby, but struggling with this loss is making my life seem so empty and unfuffiled. I dont know if this is grief or his loss making me take stock of my life. Its hard to parent my other children as my hearts not in it,

Is this normal and will it get better?


Wed Nov 19, 2008 7:45 pm
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Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2008 9:04 pm
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Location: Dunedin
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:grphug: Welcome to TLO Jamiesmum. I am sorry that you have a reason to be here, but I hope you can take comfort in the fact that we all understand the emotions you are going through. I myself lost my wee girl at 26 weeks to pre eclampsia in January this year. Even though she was my first child, we have custody of DH 14 year old boy. Parenting him became very hard for us as well, my heart was not in it at all. I have to admit sometimes I felt as though my whole world had been torn apart and I didnt care about anything else. It did get better for me. I have the odd day now where she is all I can think about, but you do get through. What you are feeling is normal and it will ease in time.
:bighug: and I look forward to getting to know you and your angel.

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Tracey

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Wed Nov 19, 2008 8:27 pm
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Joined: Fri Feb 15, 2008 9:03 pm
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Location: Christchurch
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Hi Jamiesmum

I too am sorry to welcome you to the group that no-one ever wants to belong to, but also pleased that you have found this wonderful group of ladies. They have been a huge support to me this year after our wee man died at 16 days.

I know it's hard to believe, but things will get a little easier as time goes by. Then you will have days when things come crashing back down on you. I found the best way to deal with it was just to go with the feelings and let grieving take it's course. I feel that I was lucky to have my wee girl to keep my mind off things. I kept on telling myself that I had to be strong for her and that she needed me too and when I was sad, she would give me a big hug and we would have a cry together.

I look forward to getting to know you and your angel and those special 54 days that you had together.

:bighug: :bighug: :bighug: :bighug: :bighug:

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Tanya

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Wed Nov 19, 2008 8:46 pm
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Joined: Sun Aug 03, 2008 11:49 pm
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Location: West Auckland
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Welcome Jaimesmum, I'm so sorry for your loss of your wee man :(
As Tanya said, I'm glad you have found TLO, they are such a lovely group of ladies to talk to, and it's good to be around people who really TRULY understand how you are feeling.

I also have two other chn and yes it is so hard to carry on as if everything is ok, when inside you are screaming. :(

Hugs, and I hope you find some comfort here.

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Jess, mum to Xander 5yrs, Emily 3yrs, and Darien stillborn at 28+4 on 16th June 08 from a Concealed Placental Abruption. Our new hope Lorelai born May 5th 09!
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Wed Nov 19, 2008 9:01 pm
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Joined: Mon Sep 18, 2006 11:30 pm
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Welcome jamiesmum. I'm so sorry this has happened to you and you lost your precious little man.

Just wanted to give you a big hug.

Feel free to vent on here at anytime. :)

:bighug: :bighug:

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Éloïse
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my angel Chloé
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Thu Nov 20, 2008 1:51 pm
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Joined: Tue Mar 25, 2008 9:18 am
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:bighug: :bighug: :bighug: :bighug: jamiesmum. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I hope you can find some comfort from the lovely ladies on this site.

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Thu Nov 20, 2008 2:21 pm
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Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 10:47 am
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Location: Auckland
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Jamies Mum,
Hugs to you and yours,
I am sorry that you have had to join us here but welcome you and hope you find being able to come here and chat with us of some small comfort.

I have lost two little girls, Eden born at 31 weeks when she was 19 hours old and Laine who was born at 25 weeks and passed away just short of 6 months, we also have a big girl Kita (Nikita) who was born at 31 weeks and is now 8 and Cort who was born at 24 weeks and is now 14 months.

It is never an easy road but I think when you have had your family split apart with living two seperate lives in Hospital and at home makes for a very hard road cause you are having to deal with the fact that you are leaving all memories behind in a place you may hope you will never go back to yet at the same time, may want to return to just for the good memories.

Wanting another is not as odd as you may think it is, Laine was born 8 months after Eden passed away, I thought when I was pg oh my gosh what am I doing but I adored and still do adore my Laine and I have no regrets, apart from them not being here now.

Hugs to you again. Sorry for rambling

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Thu Nov 20, 2008 9:35 pm
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oh and I can not and will never say the pain goes, But you learn to deal and grow with it...least I have...

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Thu Nov 20, 2008 9:36 pm
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Yes, I agree, the pain never goes, you just learn to live with it.

:bighug:

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Éloïse
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my angel Chloé
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Fri Nov 21, 2008 12:04 pm
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Joined: Tue Jan 29, 2008 12:50 pm
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Location: Auckland
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:grphug: Jamiesmum and welcome to TLO.

I am so sorry that you lost your little man, and that you are now a member of the club that nobody wants to join. I hope you find some comfort here, as I know it has been an important part of my journey.

(((Hugs))) to you - things will be very raw for you at the moment, and the only advise I can give is to be how you need to be. Be kind to yourself :)

We lost our little girl in Nov 2007 at 36.5 weeks, and looking back I have no idea how we got thru the 1st 3-6 mths, but we did, and managed to parent our living child as well. I wouldn't say that my heart was in it 100% of the time, but he also was a constant reminder of what i do have, and at times gave me a reason to shift my focus, and has added some lighthearted and fun times into a period of our life that would have been otherwise pretty bleak.

You will need time out to deal with your own emotions & grief, and just to think about your angel, so if you have good family/friend support, I would definitely sort out some you time, as it gives you a much better balance - Thats what I found worked for me anyway :)

Please feel welcome to come on to TLO anytime, to ask questions, lurk, rant or what ever you need. We all have some idea of the journey you have been thrown into, and would like to get to know you and your angel better(((Hugs)))

Take Care and be kind to yourself

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Sat Nov 22, 2008 10:59 am
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Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2008 4:16 pm
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Location: Auckland
Post Very thankful to have found you sll
Hi all,

I was recommended this site by the lovely SANDS people. I lost my little girl on the 11th of this month (we buried her on the 13th Nov). Mackenzie was born at 26 weeks old due to pre eclampsia, my partner and I were priviledged to spend 34 emotional days with her in NICU (Auck Hosp). Despite a perfect 28 day head scan, being on full feeds 2 hourly and putting on weight which to her to 945g from her birthweight of 600g she was unable to be weaned off the oscillator due to chronic lung disease. We made the heartbreaking decision to let her go peacefully in our arms after 2 major resussitations, cardiac massage and adrenalin shots. Mackenzie was my first born and apart from her passing in my arms I had only had the opportunity to cradle her once which apart from the day she was born was the happiest moment of my life.
I am so thankful I have been led to a place where other parents remember their babies as there has been very little in the last few weeks that has given me any comfort. Reading the stories of others has made me thankful that I at least had the opportunity to get to know her little personality. I have searched high and low over the time since she has passed to get all the info and support that I can because there is not a day that goes by that I do know yearn for my little girl, there is an emptiness that nothing can fill. I am doing the best I can to try to get back to what life was like before Mackenzie but its so damn hard. I dont think things will really feel final for me until her actual due date of Jan 14th 2009 passes. Anyway just wanted to introduce myself and my little angel and to offer any support I can for others.
Much love
Mackenzie's mum (Dot)


Last edited by Dot1 on Sat Nov 29, 2008 10:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.



Sat Nov 29, 2008 9:25 pm
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Oh Dot I am so sorry for your loss of wee Mackenzie, it's so unfair. :(
It's so nice you've found TLO, as I said above they are a lovely group of mummies and it's good having something just for NZ.
I lost Darien in June at 28 weeks, and yes it was so hard while I should have still been pregnant.
The stories on here are sad but lovely aren't they? It is comforting to read of others experiences and realise we are not alone in the abyss.
I hope you can make it to the meeting next weekend? I've been looking forward to it for 2 months LOL, it's so good to be able to talk about our babies and not have to worry about others feelings, you know?

I don't know what else to say except again I'm sorry you have cause to be here, take care of yourself and any way you're feeling on any day, is right for you.


:bighug:

eta: PM me anytime if you need to talk

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Jess, mum to Xander 5yrs, Emily 3yrs, and Darien stillborn at 28+4 on 16th June 08 from a Concealed Placental Abruption. Our new hope Lorelai born May 5th 09!
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Last edited by Jessie78 on Sun Nov 30, 2008 9:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.



Sat Nov 29, 2008 10:08 pm
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Joined: Sun Jun 15, 2008 1:52 am
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Welcome Jamiesmum and Dot as the others have said Im sorrowed to hear of more angels but am pleased to know you have found this site, I hope you recieve as much support and kindness here as I have

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Sun Nov 30, 2008 12:04 am
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Hi Jamiesmum and Dot, welcome to the club that now one wants to join. The ladies here on TLO are the best you will find, they have helped me through the toughest journey on my life and for that I will be forever grateful.

My name is Carley, married to Phill and SAHM to Bayden, 6 going on 16 :roll: , and our angel girl Julia Rose-joy, born sleeping 3rd November 2006, and as you can see from my siggy I am nnow 9 days away from having our next baby.

Please remember that we are all here for each other and no matter what you say you will never offend anyone as we have all been through or are going through the same feelings and emotions as you are. With love and support we can help each other to come to terms with losing our precious wee babes.

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Sun Nov 30, 2008 8:49 pm
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