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 thanks for the welcome 
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Joined: Wed Oct 08, 2008 9:07 pm
Posts: 22
Post thanks for the welcome
Its been a while since I put up the post new and very lost, your welcomes touched me in that I've come back and read them over and although I havnt been ready enough to reply it was a real comfort to know that so many others have walked this path and understood, it took a little of the lonliness that I've carried for the past 41/2 months.

Not sure how much I put last time but we have 3 sons and finding we were carring our 4th son wasnt something I wanted to hear, everything snowballed after I had a bad fall on frosty stairs, I lost my plug the next day and had intermitant bloody mucas for a month when one day at 24 weeks my waters went. Straight to PNth hosp we were sent within hours to Hamilton, that was a tuesday, by friday night I was in labour and our little boy was born weighing 716g. I never thought he'd survive and even sent my husband out to get him an outfit to go home in while we waited for him to be born, he fought through that first day when they wouldnt think he would. Scared and alone away from anyone we knew we spent 61/2 weeks everysingle day by his incubator, there were many battles he overcome and he caught so many hearts I was proud to be his mum. We were transfered to Wellington believeing it was to be a long road and needing to be closer to our children. On his first night infection came and his oxygen requirements on the ventilator went to 100% and this is where they stayed for the 8 more days we gad him. In the end chronic lung disease due to his prematurity took him, He died in my arms 54 days old 1280g the most precious bundle of life I thought I never wanted.

We brought our son home after 2months away, he looked so much smaller in the arms of our children than we thought he was. It rained all weekend and on monday the day of his funeral the sun shone, saying goodbye was the end to the Journey I felt in my heart would always come. It was the most heartbreaking journey I think we'll ever face in our lives and yet the pride and privilege I feel for having had him warms me just a little with the emptiness thats been left behind. Time just carries on and the days seem to take me further from that time like it was almost like a bad dream with only photos remaining and a grave to visit. I am stronger now and in the beginning time seemed the enemy that didnt stop of have any compassion for my broken heart and the son it was taking me further from, Time now is about plans for a future and making sure he lives still in our family and is never forgotten.

We went away after christmas and with the car loaded we stopped at the cemetery to take things to make his grave more bright and beautiful, off we went without him. Thats still the sad thing I'm finding now its about building a different kind of relationship but one I can hold on to.
With all these precious ones gone there must be a place where they are ok and together, I so hope so, and I hope we meet again soon, hopefully in the baby were trying now desperately for.

Thank you for taking the time to read and letting me share, I think expressing my grief hasnt happened enough and In protecting myself from further hurt I've put up walls under the surface where everyone thinks I look so fine. Now is the time to bring them down and live again.

Amy

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My sweet baby boy Jamie, born at 24 weeks. 21st June 08 - 14 August 2008


Wed Dec 31, 2008 11:24 am
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Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2008 9:04 pm
Posts: 740
Location: Dunedin
Post Re: thanks for the welcome
:grphug: Thank you Amy for sharing your story with us. I am positive that all of our Angel's are together and having a happy time. I also believe that they are with us when we need them. I am sure Jamie would have been with you on your holiday. We are all here for you as we are each other, I don't think I could have made it through this year without my TLO family. The support here is unique to our journey through life. I look forward to getting to know you and your family through TLO.
:bighug:

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Tracey

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Wed Dec 31, 2008 5:32 pm
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Joined: Thu Dec 14, 2006 3:08 pm
Posts: 1708
Location: Rotorua
Post Re: thanks for the welcome
Oh Amy :bighug: thank you so very much for sharing your story of Jamie's birth. I too am of the opinion that we will all meet again one day and until then our angels are with us each and every day

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Wed Dec 31, 2008 5:47 pm
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Joined: Fri Feb 15, 2008 9:03 pm
Posts: 528
Location: Christchurch
Post Re: thanks for the welcome
:bighug: from me too and thanks for sharing your story with us. We are all here for you.

Take care

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Tanya

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Wed Dec 31, 2008 11:37 pm
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Joined: Tue Feb 26, 2008 7:31 am
Posts: 138
Location: Manukau City
Post Re: thanks for the welcome
Thanks for sharing your sad story with us. It is a very long journey, a very sad journey and we all have various ways of dealing with it. You just need to do what is right by you.
I believe like all the others here, we will be with our angels one day, until that day that remain with you, they are always there, never feel like you are alone. I talk to my son all day long... That is the relationship I built to deal with the grief, he is such a big part of my life, I said goodbye to his vessel, but not his spirit, his spirit remains with me.
This is such a great place to share your thoughts...
Big hugs to you and your family.

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Baby Beanie, I feel you with me in spirit everyday. We love you and miss you.


Fri Jan 02, 2009 11:14 am
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Joined: Thu Mar 20, 2008 10:59 am
Posts: 118
Post Re: thanks for the welcome
What a beautiful story :bighug: Its true, you will be together again. Glad youre feeling strong enough to share with us.


Fri Jan 02, 2009 6:32 pm
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Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 10:47 am
Posts: 1106
Location: Auckland
Post Re: thanks for the welcome
Amy, I was unable to read the whole of your story and will go back and read when I am in a better mind set to read it.
But Thank you for coming back and sharing with us.

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Mon Jan 05, 2009 9:39 pm
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