Ok, I am hoping someone will be able to help me out here.
Eden only passed away 3 months ago and she was delivered by C-Section, First how do you get over the guilt of wanting another baby (She was going to be the last but we have both agreed we want another, but the guilt is huge and "baby dancing" is still a next to no go cause I burst into tears...tmi??)
Then how soon is too soon after a C-Section, should really ask the Gp that I guess, but someone here might know??
So there it is, I really want another Baby...a baby... any baby...I would take the neighbours baby if they had one((not likely as they are like 100..lol)) but the guilt makes me feel sick and it just doesn't feel right, apart from that still waiting on results to tell us if it is safe to have another.((They still not sure if I carry the strep bug Eden passed away from)).
Sorry for Rambling, got no one else who would understand.

Hi Lisa,
Bigs (((HUGS))) to you.
There is no right or wrong when it comes to embarking on a subsequent pregnancy and the feelings of guilt are something that those of that have been there have all felt and sometimes still feel. You could wait 10 years before trying again and still feel some guilt. Remember you are NOT betraying Eden by wanting to have another baby. I'm not too sure how you actually get over the guilt, I can't even recall what worked for me, you could write a letter to Eden telling her how much you love her and that you are not trying to replace her.

As for how long you should wait from what I have read and heard from others is waiting about 6 months after a c/s but your doctor would know best and at the end of the day you have to do what feels right for you.

Wishing you peace on this journey
Take care
Jacqui

Sorry Lisa - I haven't got any answers to your questions but I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you. I know my husband and I both felt a strong desire to have another baby after our miscarriage but even though I am pregnant again I will never forget my precious little angel. I am certian you feel the same about your love for Eden and I'm also sure that she knows this.

Best of luck finding the answers you need. Your GP sounds like a good place to start.

Hi Lisa, I can't answer your medical question, but as far as wanting another baby, the guilt is only natural, it's all a part of grieving, I was so overcome with guilt because the moment they confirmed Trinity had passed away I knew I wanted another baby and I wanted to start as soon as I could, that made me feel terrible. I've come to realise alot of people ask (after the loss of a child) if you are going to 'try again'. 'Trying again' to me has come to imply I failed the first time around and I need to give it another go, well, I didn't fail just because my daughter died, she was a beautiful human being, nowhere near a failure. So (before I conceived again) I made up my mind I was going to have another baby, a little brother or sister for my daughter. I hope that made sense. I agree with Jacqui when she says your not betraying Eden by wanting another baby. I personally still have some guilt and I've resigned myself to the fact that it probably won't completely disappear for a while, but in saying that, it is fading. Take care, and I hope you find answers to your questions.

Thanks everyone, I am goin gto go and ask the GP about the whole C section thing today as I have to cause of hayfever grrrrr so might as well add that to the list.
I guess I knew that there was going to be guilt envolved in the whole process, like there isn't enough other emotions you got to deal with. I just feel so wrong about it all but the wanting is just as strong...
Well I batter take 'Kita to school now, Thanks again will let you know what the doc says.
oh, and can I ask about SANDS, where, when etc please???

Hi Lisa

It is so hard not to feel guilty. Even though we may be able to rationalise it still somehow feels so wrong to be trying for another baby. I have cried thinking i don't want another baby i want Jenson. Then i just feel guilty at how my next baby would feel if he/she ever heard me. I would lay with jensons picture and tell her i could never replace her, i just want her to have a little brother or sister and that they would be as loved and wanted as she was.

It is tough getting through the guilt and the grief, it seems like it will never get easier. Though i feel like now i seem to have accepted the fact that this grief is a part of my life for all my life and i am just learning to live with it and still be able to be happy sometimes..........2 months ago I would still find that when d/p held me or looked at me I cried, i felt so guilty that i couldn't even bring his baby girl into the world alive. I know that is crazy, but it is that hard.

I have to admit i do not feel as much guilt as i used to, i know that Jenson knows she's our precious first born child. I do have these feelings and i do break down but just not as much, i seem to have it a little under control.

Try not to be too hard on yourself Lisa, it has afterall only been 3 months since you lost darling Eden, the pain is still very raw. Eden only ever felt love from you, she knows she is special.


We were trying again but every time we failed it hurt so much. Trying has been hard on me so i decided that i am not trying until after christmas, and i have to admit i feel a little more relaxed lately. I will probably get pg now lol!

I wish i could give you a big hug darling

Love Nikki x

Hi Lisa
The guilt is really hard to deal with and as the others have said, it's part of the process. After we lost Maria I felt like we could never have another baby, but a few months on that changed and another baby was all I wanted. What has helped me with the guilt is knowing that our son Joel wants and needs a brother or sister, and how much more guilt we might feel down the track if we didn't try again and he spent the rest of his life as an only child.

The Auckland SANDS meetings are held in Onehunga on the first Saturday of every month, starting up again in February. If you send me a PM, I'll let you know some more details.

Hang in there
Alana

Thanks for everything everyone, I went off to the doctors and had a talk about everything and she can not see any reason why we can not try again as long as we think we are ready, which is just as well really cause she did some tests (Bloods and urine) just to make sure that all was ok and it turns out that I am already Expecting!!! Not really sure on how I feel about it all at the moment but we will get there. I had a scan the day after we got those results back and all seems well, For me I guess it is not the early part it is after the baby is born that I will start to panic, Have got an appointment with maternal mantal health and the specialist in the new year.
Hope every one had a great Christmas and wishing you all a safe new year.

Thats great news Lisa, congratulations, here's to an uneventful 9 months.

Congratulations Lisa, I'm sure that was a nice Christmas surprise!
Alana