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 How soon is too soon? 
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Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2008 9:04 pm
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Location: Dunedin
Post How soon is too soon?
It hasn't been long since we lost our wee Georgia, she is my first born. I should still be pregnant in fact. I have so much love for her, and will always miss her, but I know she will aways be with me in my heart. I turned 30, 10 days after GG's birth. I know us ladies are having kids later in life these days and its perfectly acceptable. But personally I feel that if I don't try again soon, I may never do it. I feel ready to be pregnant again, I want to be pregnant again. So many people have commented to me about how it may be too soon and maybe subconciously (excuse spelling) that it could be to replace her. I could never replace her! Nor do I want to. I just feel that I have so much love to give a child now that I have felt that "mother's love" for the first time. Can I have honest comments please. I know everyone is different, but it would be good to hear how you guys have dealt with these feelings. :oops: :oops:

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Tracey

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Wed Feb 20, 2008 9:50 pm
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Oh first off big hugs Tracey (hehe I know her name), I felt exactly the same when we lost Julia, it is such hard damn emotional time that you are unsure what to think or feel. I knew that part of my reasoning was that I still had lots of emotions and not to mention hormones still swirling around and personally decided that we would wait, plus we wanted to wait for the autopsy results too.
Gerogia will always be your first born no matter if you decided to try again straight away or not. It is a truly personal thing to be going thru, how does DH feel about it? There is also his feelings and thoughts to consider. I know I'm not much help, but one word of adviced is to just take your time and you will both know when you are ready. There is no way that you could ever replace your beautiful wee Georgia. Hope that helps hun and remember that we are all here if you ever need to vent or ask questions.

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Wed Feb 20, 2008 10:08 pm
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DH is fine about it, he is rearing to go now! I am still very sick tho and have to go back to the clinic is another 4 weeks. My 6 week check was not too good. We haven't got the results of Georgia's exam yet. We had to send her to Wellington, Dunedin's pathologist was on holiday would you believe we only have one!! Mind you thats been a while...............

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Tracey

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Wed Feb 20, 2008 10:37 pm
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((Hugs Hun))
Like I said, you will know when your are ready. It took us over a year, but I felt like I needed that time to cherish Julia's memory.
I dont know if you have read Julia's story in the main page but there were other factors that we had to take into account when deciding what to do.

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Wed Feb 20, 2008 10:44 pm
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It is such a tough decision, and you're right, everyone is so different. For us we felt so strongly about becoming parents, it was our time, we wanted to start right away, in fact, some might be shocked to know that we talked about it after we had the scan confirming Trinitys heart was not beating. We knew we could never replace her, she is still and will always be a huge part of our family, our lives. We were lucky (if you can even call it that), to have no medical issues, we were advised to wait one cycle before trying to make dating conception easier, but other than that it was up to us and if we were mentally and emotionally prepared. I was like you, now or never, but in saying that I would get the medical side of things sorted first. The really search your sould and heart and be sure you're not trying to replace her (I'm sure people have done it), maybe try and think about how you may feel if you were to have another girl. We also briefly talked about having our next girl called Trinity too, but very quickly changed our minds as it would seem too much like we were replacing her, and that wasn't possible, I guess thats sort of when we knew that we could do it.
Don't get me wrong, susequent pregnancy after losing a baby is a long hard road, but if your prepared for a huge rollercoaster ride, you have the support, your menatally, emotionally and physically (medically) ready, then there's no reason not to.
Keep in mind I'm no doctor and this is my opinion only.
No matter what hun, we are all here for you :bighug:

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Thu Feb 21, 2008 6:44 am
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It is a tough decision to make, when to try again?? Like the others have said, everyone is different. For us, I wanted another baby straight away, we had waited for 9 months for this baby and then too lose her, I wanted another NOW, not another 9 months, (not to replace her, but to fill our empty arms). We did wait till the autopsy results came back, as that could have changed our decision. But all was good there so we were back on the TTC road again. It was a tough 9 months, but we got through it. I still think of my beautiful angel Ashley everyday and she is a huge part of my family. No child could ever replace her, she was/is so precious.

Good luck with your decision. You sound ready.

Ally


Thu Feb 21, 2008 7:58 am
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Hi
I know exactly how you feel. I lost my wee man only 2 weeks ago and we are already thinking very seriously about trying again. I think only you know when you are ready and if you are thinking that way and it feels right, then it's a good thing.
I know personally that when we do get pregnant again it will be a very stressful 9 months, but I am thinking quite philosophically about it in that what happened to Liam (hewas starved of oxygen at some stage late in the pregnancy and was born with huge respirtory problems, couldn't gag or swallow, had no independent movement and was having seizures), is highly unlikely to happen again .... it won't stop me from thinking about it though!

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Thu Feb 21, 2008 9:50 am
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Hugs GG's Mum,
These wonderful ladies have pretty much said what I would say too.

Quote:
some might be shocked to know that we talked about it after we had the scan confirming Trinitys heart was not beating.

Like Manda, I was in labour with Riley and we were alreday discussing about trying again asap (so you're not alone there Manda). I think it 's one of the hardest things to embark on after losing a child, as there are so many emotions involved, but just go with your heart, and remember you are not replacing her and those that say that, well, they just don't understand.

Hugs again
Jacqui

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Thu Feb 21, 2008 12:24 pm
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Hi GG's Mum, Liams Mum,(((Hugs)))

We sort of felt the same way. I think Neil and I discussed it when I was in labour, as there were certain decisions we needed to make, regarding the labour, in terms of future pregnancies. The way we look at it is, that we had planned Satori because we wanted another child and a sibling for Flynn, so what has changed. As much as it breaks our hearts that Satori could not be with us, she will always be our first daughter and 2nd child, however, we still want another child. I personally need to get cracking because of age and don't see what difference it will make if I get pregnant 4mths after or 12mths after - we are still going to be grieving for Satori, but I don't think that will lessen our love for another child. It will however be a very stressful time as there is not the innocense of believing that everything will be ok after 20wks, which is how I felt in my first two pregnancies.

Anyways, we are trying from this month on, now that my body is back to normal, and believe it will happen when it is meant to.

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Thu Feb 21, 2008 2:34 pm
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Yvonne, hope things go well for you and you get your BFP soon!
Sending some of my spare baby dust your way (not all of it though cos I need some too :wink: )

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Thu Feb 21, 2008 7:51 pm
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Thanks Carley :) I hope we are both on the forum next month with a BFP. Sending some of that babydust right back to you sweet :wink:

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Thu Feb 21, 2008 10:13 pm
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Thanks so much you guys, all your comments have been helpful. I have to wait for clearance from the Dr before anything and they want to start me on some drugs before I conceive so I won't be rushing into anything. My next appointment is in 4 weeks.

It is an empty arms feeling that only you guys will understand. I have great support from my friends but sometimes I think I might be putting too much onto them. All these feelings and thoughts in my head are hard to deal with and to explain. Sheez I am having trouble typing them too! Starting to babble, so off to bed

Once again, thanks

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Thu Feb 21, 2008 10:44 pm
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Hi GG's Mum,

I sort of get what you are saying - its like you have all of these fantastic people around you, especially initially, and some of them are your nearest and dearest, but the only way I can explain it is that you still feel lonely or alone in your grief, because nobody can grieve your type of grief for your baby. I still feel very much like this but find that it now comes in waves. Sometimes I'm Ok for a few days or maybe even a week, but then it all comes back and I just concentrate on thinking about Satori and getting through it. :(

It such a horrible thing to have to happen to anybody and I still ask why?,why?,why? :x

I guess there is still a long way to go, on the road of coming to terms with it :(

I'm glad you are finding TLO helpful, the ladies here are great and they seem to say the right things, which is comforting. I'm not so sure if I am verbalising very well, often, at the moment, I feel like I run short in that area.

Anyway, babbling now, I'm off to bed.
Take care
Yvonne

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Thu Feb 21, 2008 11:29 pm
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Oh Yvonne and Tracey, just want to give you both the hugest cyber hugs possible. The road that you are both on is a totally sucky one, but believe me it does get better, slowly. I still have days where all I do is think about Julia and what she would be doing etc, then there will be days where I'm ok. The only piece of advice that I could give anyone going through this, be it a week down the path or two years, is to take each day as it comes and accept that feelings and emotions for that day. I got to the stage that if someone asked how I was doing I ended up being honest, why sould you have to lie about your feelings and mask them, so if I was having a shitty day I told them that and they accepted that more.
Anyway rambling here too, MAN it sucks getting up at 4am to milk the dumb :cow:
Love and Hugs and remember we are all here for you if you ever need us

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Fri Feb 22, 2008 8:56 am
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Hey Carley,
Thanks for the reply - so often I do catch myself saying to people when they ask, "How is it going?" - It's OK - when really it is not! Mmm might start saying it how it is.

Quick question - Do you have information on what number day you should ovulate, dependant on number of days in cycle? If so can you tell me what the d-day is for a 24 day cycle? May save alot of you know what :lol: Only kidding!!! But there would be nothing wrong with DH saving the little blithers up for a few days :lol:

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Fri Feb 22, 2008 10:27 am
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Hi Yvonne,

you would probably ovulate about 12 days before your period is due, so for you that would pretty much be day 12, so do plenty of BD from about day 8.
HTH :)

Jacqui

oh and wishing you lots of baby dust

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Fri Feb 22, 2008 10:35 am
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Thanks Jacqui,
From day 8!!! DH will thinks it Xmas :lol:
Thanks for the Babydust :)

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Fri Feb 22, 2008 10:40 am
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Hi Yvonne,
I haven't used this one before, but here's a basic ovulation predictor site:
http://www.babyhopes.com/ovulation-calendar/

Everyone is different tho, like someone else with a 24 day cycle may ovualte at a different time than another.

Don't let dh save them up for too long though aye because it can have the reverse effect, as a rule (may be tmi) we ...ahem.... u know...... :lol: ....every second day up until 1 day before O (when we didn't as we were trying for another girl).

I don't know if you know all this already but, boy sperm are faster but have a shorter life cycle, girl spern are slower but last longer :)

Oh, this is the sight that I used, once you know your way around it its very helpful. Hopefully I'm not giving you unwanted info. I really got into predicting my cycle with both the girls (we just let rip with Gabe). I found it really empowering, especially after losing Trinity, it gave me back a little control.

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/

LOADS AND LOADS OF BABY DUST

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Fri Feb 22, 2008 11:26 am
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Thanks Manda - that info is useful - TTC has always been a bit hit and miss for us in the past. :) I will check out the websites you gave me too.
Have a great week and thanks for the babydust :)
Yvonne

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Fri Feb 22, 2008 1:10 pm
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I used Fertility Friend for the 13 mths it took to conceive our angel/the gremlins and found it really helpful.

We were in a different situation as we lost our angel very early on so a whole different set of issues, I have so much admiration for those of you who have lost bubs much later and gone on to try again. I *thought* I was ready to TTC after my first post m/c cycle, but in hindsight I wasn't. I was an emotional wreck for the entire pregnancy, extremely anxious and went on to develop PND. I was also diagnosed with PTSD as a result of the miscarriage (18 months later) but I think it wasn't just the miscarriage but the extreme stress and anxiety of the subsequent pregnancy. I wouldn't send my gremlins back for the world, but if I could go back I might have given myself longer to get things in perspective before getting pregnant, and I would definitely have gotten help and support during the pregnancy to deal with the emotional stuff so that things didn't get to the point they did after the girls were born.

Sorry to be such a downer, that's just my experience. For what it's worth, this pregnancy has been much less stressful as I am taking medication to help with the anxiety and being monitored by Maternal Mental Health.

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Fri Feb 22, 2008 9:10 pm
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