The LOST Ones

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Author:  natanddylan [ Sat Aug 08, 2009 10:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Eeeek....

Ok so I am so nervous right now! I found out a couple of weeks ago that I am pregnant! So I am about 7 weeks now. Dylan and I decided to start trying thinking it would take a couple of months at least! Apparently not!
Anyway most of the time I am feeling fine. No sickness or anything like that. But every couple of days I start to get really nervous. I am pretty confident that what happened with Dreyton won't happen again and that at 38 weeks I'll be induced and my baby will scream it's little lungs out which in my opinion is the most beautiful sound in the world for people like us. What I am nervous about is miscarrying. I don't know why, I have never had a miscarriage before, but then neither have other people when they have their first miscarriage! I don't understand why I am feeling like this but every other day I find myself rubbing my tummy saying "I so badly want and need this baby". Every little niggle I feel I wonder if it is the beginning of a miscarriage. I really don't want to think like that because I almost think that if I keep thinking like that I will 'make' it happen. Aaarrrggghh!!! I just want to go to bed and wake up in 5 weeks! Don't get me wrong I'm not completely flipping out and having a break down, I just get really nervous! :?
Anyway I have been to see the midwife and she has told me about all the specialist appointments I will have etc. She has also told me she wants me to finish work a lot earlier than I did last time because we don't know why I had the abruption, so she wants to take every precaution.
I am trying really hard to think happy thoughts and stay positive but I am finding it a bit of a struggle sometimes!
Wow what a rant! Really just wanted to let you all know!

Author:  Jessie78 [ Sun Aug 09, 2009 1:30 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Eeeek....

Oh Nat I'm so happy for you! I can totally understand your worries about this time. Wishing you a lovely, joyful, uneventful, BORING pregnancy :wink:

Author:  Satori Star [ Sun Aug 09, 2009 4:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Eeeek....

Congratulations Nat :starjump: :joy: :starjump:

I'm so happy for you, but sooo get how you are feeling. I to felt exactly the way you are feeling but you kind of get thru it anyway you can. I won't lie subsequent pg is a really hard thing to go thru, but you have to, to get to where you want to be. At times it drove me nutty but you will get there sweet, and you will find a way to stay positive. If you ever need an ear, just get on here and we will be here for you :bighug:

Sending you lots of good pg vibes, and I hope it goes very smoothly and uneventfully.


Author:  GG's Mum [ Mon Aug 10, 2009 12:55 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Eeeek....

Welcome to the rollacoaster of emotions! Congrats! I know how you feel when you get those niggles, I was a nervous wreck! We are here for you. Start your own pg diary on here, it does help to get those feelings out.
OOOHHHH exciting! I wish you an uneventful, boring text book pregnancy!

Author:  TrinityClair [ Mon Aug 10, 2009 1:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Eeeek....

Oh Nat, thats awesome news. Your feelings are totally normal.. You'll have days where you feel comletley ok with it and other days you might flip out, and thats ok, you are allowed and we will be here for you.
Can't wait to read your updates.
Take care :D

Author:  Leonie [ Mon Aug 10, 2009 2:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Eeeek....

Congratulations :) You must be so happy. Its a strange feeling being pregnant again. Be prepared for the next phase of the emotional rollercoaster! Wishing you all the best. Im sure everything will be fine.

Author:  Sarahjane [ Mon Aug 10, 2009 10:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Eeeek....

Hey Nat thats great news. I think we all totally understand how you feel. You don't want to get your hopes up but at the same time you want to give your baby every chance. I hope you have a very uneventful pregnancy. I'm crossing my fingers and everything else I can for you. Take care.

Author:  natanddylan [ Tue Aug 11, 2009 6:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Eeeek....

Thanks everyone! I will definately start a diary and let you all know how I'm doing! DH and my brother went halves in a playstation 3 last week (much to my distaste!!!!) and apparently "it's better when you play online" so the broadband cord is now often taken over by the PS3. I am trying to organise wireless so I can come online whenever I like but until then I have to kick the boys off every now and then haha. So will do it but be patient!

Oh my life sounds so wonderful!! Haha.


Author:  Jessie78 [ Tue Aug 11, 2009 11:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Eeeek....

Hehe typical boys huh :lol: Hope you get some internet time soon :wink:

Author:  summersmum [ Thu Aug 13, 2009 12:42 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Eeeek....

ohh my god i havnt been in for awhile i am sooooo happy for you and i hope everything goes ok but i am sure it will :D
im still trying but no luck yet :( never mind i am sure it will happen

Author:  natanddylan [ Wed Aug 19, 2009 11:10 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Eeeek....

Well it's not looking good I'm afraid ladies. I rang my mw on monday as I have had some brown discharge. I have actually had it for about 2 weeks but kept thinking it would go away and didn't want to panic and make it a big deal. Anyway turns out it might be a big deal. The mw told me to go and do another hcg level test yesterday which I did and apparently for 8 weeks my level should be around 30,000, but mine was only 14,000. I am getting ready to go and have a scan now. I've had no cramping or anything like that and I would love to think that if I was miscarrying I would know. My mum asked me what my gut tells me and I honestly don't know. Sometimes I think it is telling me the baby is fine, othertimes I think it is telling me that it's not.

My sil keeps telling me not to panic yet because she had some brown and red discharge with her first baby and she was fine but the discharge coupled with the low hcg is what my brain is telling me is not ok. Maybe I'm just not as far along as we thought but who knows. Will know this afternoon I guess.



Author:  GG's Mum [ Wed Aug 19, 2009 2:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Eeeek....

:grphug: :pray: :bighug: Nat, thinking of you, please let us know soon. I am sure everything this will be ok, I had that with Shawna too, I ignored it for a while because I was too scared. In the end it turned out to be an infection and was treated with some pills and all was well. I have my fingers crossed for you hun.

Author:  Leonie [ Wed Aug 19, 2009 8:15 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Eeeek....

I hope everythings ok Nat, I'll be checking back for updates - I had brown discharge on and off in the last pregnancy and it was really scary. I really hope its nothing.

Author:  Jessie78 [ Wed Aug 19, 2009 9:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Eeeek....

Oh Nat, I hope everything turns out ok hun :(

Author:  Satori Star [ Wed Aug 19, 2009 10:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Eeeek....

Nat, I have everything :crossf: for you that all is OK with you and baby. Try not to worry until you know for sure.

I'm thinking of you and sending lots of positive vibes.

Take Care


Author:  natanddylan [ Thu Aug 20, 2009 9:59 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Eeeek....

Thanks ladies but it's not good news I'm afraid.

I will know more when I see my mw shortly but what I gather from the scan is that there is an empty sack. I don't know if that means there was never a baby or what. I will know more soon.

Im actually doing ok though. I am accepting that this baby was too precious for earth. And he (my chinese chart says it was another boy) has a big brother in heaven to look after him and that gives me some comfort. Maybe it was just too soon for me so I think I have decided to wait another 2 or 3 months before trying again.

If you read my first post it's almost as though on some level I knew something was wrong. When I was pregnant with Dreyton I obviously knew that miscarriage was a possibility but I didn't think about it that much. With this one I thought about it from day dot and got myself quite paniced and nervouse sometimes. That could be because of what I went through with Drey, but I think it was my body trying to tell me something.

Anyway I better go and get dressed for the mw haha! I will talk to you all soon.


Author:  queenbean [ Thu Aug 20, 2009 9:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Eeeek....

Oh hun I'm so sorry :bighug: :bighug: :bighug: :bighug: :bighug: :bighug: :bighug: :bighug: You are amazing for taking things so well. Take care of yourself.

Author:  Jessie78 [ Thu Aug 20, 2009 11:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Eeeek....

Oh Nat I'm so sad for you :( That really sucks.

Author:  Sarahjane [ Fri Aug 21, 2009 10:23 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Eeeek....

Oh Nat I am so sorry for you. When I had the miscarriage recently I had to tell myself that I just wasn't ready physically or emotionally. We have decided to wait until next year and we are not even sure if we will try again. Now that I have made that decision I am actually much happier. I was so obsessed with getting pregnant again it was unhealthy. Life is very unfair that we so desperately want a healthy pregnancy and baby. I am thinking of you and hope that you are ok. Take care.

Author:  natanddylan [ Sun Aug 23, 2009 2:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Eeeek....

Thanks ladies.

So there was never a baby. It's called a blighted ovum which I already knew because I have read it on here! Not only does this site help make us feel better it's also educational! Thanks Manda and Corey!! Anyway people keep asking me if that makes me feel better, and I suppose in a way it does, but as far as I was concerned, until the scan anyway, there was a baby in there and I imagined holding it and loving it. So while I don't tend to get angry at people who ask silly questions because I know that they don't know what to say, I do wish sometimes that people would try to imagine themselves in my situation and ask themselves the question before they ask me.

I'm booked in for a D and C on wednesday at north shore. I'm not looking forward to it at all. Not because of the procedure itself (although I imagine it isn't much fun!) but because I get really nervous about being under anaesthetic. I am one of those people who gets all teary beforehand and I freak out when I'm waking up and have to be held down! I just really want it all to be over with.

As I said in an earlier post I have decided to wait another 2 months to try again. I really think I just need to give my body some time. I don't want to have to go through this over and over again. My mw suggested I wait 6 months because as she reminded me I carried Dreyton to full term so my body has done everything it would normally, and if Drey was here I wouldn't be trying to get pregnant now. But 6 months is a bit too long for me. We got pregnant to have a baby and we don't have a baby, or any other children so I feel like I still need that. Not only to have the baby I want so badly, but also to know that my body can actually do it.

Thanks again for all your support.


Author:  Baby Beanie [ Sun Aug 23, 2009 10:11 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Eeeek....

Hi Nat,

My name is Sara, I am not often on line anymore because it upsets me to hear of peple loosing their beautiful angels. I lost my little man in February 2008, little Baby Beanie, there was no found cause of death, but I like everyone else had my sole ripped out. We decided after 3 mths of loosing him to start trying again and if I am completely honest it was to full a void, I just wanted to feel complete.. I was in labour for 40 hours and did not recieve a living pot of gold, it was our little man with eyes closed, not taking a breath of air or crying for food... So becoming addicted to becoming pregnant, I lived it, breathed it totally took over me as a being. As soon as I decided I was fed up with getting upset when I was not pg, and to just not worry about it, Beanie would deliver us a healthy bro or sis as soon as he was ready I feel pg. I was over the moon when I knew I was pg, but felt sick because it could have happened again, could this bubs be taken from me.... Having Lochlan has not fulled that void, Beanie if he had of survived at 28 wks would have been 17 mths, I think of him every day and still feel very sad to not have really got to know him. Lochlan was a gift, a gift that we may not have had if Beanie had of survived, but I love him so much and truely feel blessed to have him... he is my little angel on earth... I guess to back up your feelings, perfectly natural to feel like you really want this baby in your arms, to hold him or her, to bet the oppourtunity to feed and change nappies and all that other cool stuff... I was told to wait the 6 mths too, but I felt that 2 mths after loosing him I was ready I am really glad that it took 5 mths to fall pg, my body must have been ready and I think my mind was in a better space....
I wish you the best of luck, it is not a nice journey but our little angels were just far to precious for this earth, they are the chosen ones, gone to do more important work!!! That we have to be so proud of... anyhow sorry to harp on!!!

Author:  debs [ Sun Aug 23, 2009 11:42 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Eeeek....

Sorry to read what you've been going through nat :(
Im thinking of you

Author:  natanddylan [ Tue Aug 25, 2009 7:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Eeeek....

Dam dam dam. Just about every time I try to post these days I almost finish and then the computer decides to loose it! Raarggghh I had heaps written!

Anyway I was basically saying hi Sara. I have seen baby beanies name around! And I said a whole lot of other stuff about trying to get pregnant again later!!

And tomorrow is D day (or D and C day) and I'm so nervous I don't thnk I will get much sleep tonight.

Stupid computer!!

I'll be back in on thursday to let you all know how it went. When I get home tomorrow I'll probably just lie in bed feeling sorry for myself lol!

Dumb computer!!

Author:  GG's Mum [ Wed Aug 26, 2009 10:35 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Eeeek....

Oh Nat, I am sorry to hear this, I hope you are feeling ok after today. Sending you big hugs!!!

Author:  debs [ Wed Aug 26, 2009 10:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Eeeek....

Hi Nat, Hope today went as well as it can go :( am thinking of you and hope your recovery goes smoothly :bighug:

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