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TrinityClair
Site Admin
Joined: Sat Jul 16, 2005 3:01 pm Posts: 1689 Location: Auckland
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Finding it hard to believe
Just thought I'd share how I'm feeling about my pregnancy. I just can't get my head around it. I don't have that excited pregnancy feeling like I got with Trinity. I mean, I know I'm pregnant, I saw the test results, but it's just not registering. I'm finding it impossible to get excited about it, and thats making me feel guilty as hell for this baby (see, I feel nothing when I say that, 'this baby', nothing). Every day I'm convinced this will be the day I misscarry. I think I'm going to call my midwife tomorrow and asked to be referred for a scan, maybe that will help. Everyone tells me that this is a different pregnancy, and it won't happen this time, but how do you really know? Perhaps it's my brain trying to protect my heart, if I don't get excited about it, I won't be so devastated when I lose it. I know these feelings are probably normal, and I was expecting something like this, but it doesn't make it any easier. . . . . .
Oh well, thats just whats in my head, thanks for reading. . . . .
_________________ MANDA
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Sun Oct 02, 2005 5:01 pm |
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angelbaby
Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2005 10:44 pm Posts: 1117 Location: Auckland, NZ
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Hi Manda,
Some days you will feel positive and other days you won't, but don't feel bad, these feelings are just something we have to go through, there is no right or wrong in this.
I always thought that just getting through the first 12 weeks was the hardest and that once that part was over I could breathe easy and yes I did have a big sigh of relief when I made it to 13 weeks this time, but getting past it also made me realise that this journey was far from over, I know that I will go through the rest of this pregnancy worrying that is just an unfortunate side effect that we will all go through, but I love this baby and I had to just open my heart again and let it happen. I have more positive days than negitive ones in fact since the scan I am 95% more positive.
When you are ready you will fall in love with your little bub and you will get all excited but it does take a little time.
Take care Manda
Jacqui
_________________ DD Tylar 10
Angel Riley Born Sleeping, 38wks
14 angels M/C
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Sun Oct 02, 2005 5:22 pm |
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Jenson's Mummy
Joined: Fri Sep 02, 2005 6:08 am Posts: 122 Location: UK
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Manda, I don't know yet, but that's totally how i imagine i will feel, should i be lucky enough to get pg again. I know that the pure innocence and joy that i had with the first pregnancy will never be again. I completely loved and enjoyed my whole pregnancy, but i think that next time I won't be able to, i imagine it will sort of feel like being pregnant is just the means to an end so I must go through it again to have the baby I'm so desparate to have. That in itself is an awful thought for me, the idea of not being able to love my bump because i'm too afraid to believe it will be ok. I just pray that i will find the strength.
I'm praying for you too
All of you
Love and Hugs
Nikki x
_________________ Our little baby girl Jenson - stillborn 38.3wks
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That's Me!
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Sun Oct 02, 2005 6:21 pm |
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BeesNees
Joined: Fri Sep 30, 2005 10:00 pm Posts: 653 Location: NZ
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Manda
I think how you are feeling sounds completely valid and I think you know this too. Your baby knows you care so deeply for it already that you are trying to protect yourself from the pain you would feel if you were to lose it. IMHO (and it is very humble in your presence ladies), I think you should just go with the flow, feel how you feel and try and get through this tough time as best you can. You are obviously such a brave and amazing woman to have put your heart out there again and welcomed another child, that I know that you have the strength to get through these bad days and make it to the good ones. I believe in you, I hope you can believe in yourself.
_________________
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Sun Oct 02, 2005 11:04 pm |
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nicoles mom
Joined: Sat Jul 23, 2005 8:08 am Posts: 716 Location: Caribbean
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Manda, I am sure this is a very difficult time and I think about you often. (((Hugs))) babe. As the other ladies have already said, you are a strong woman and an incredibly sensitive and caring one too. It will come, don't worry, it is in your nature. You are only protecting yourself at the moment and that is completely understandable. Jenn
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Mon Oct 03, 2005 1:22 am |
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mariasmum
Joined: Sat Sep 03, 2005 8:19 pm Posts: 653 Location: Auckland
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Manda, it is a privilege that you are willing to share this with us. I imagine that I might feel the same if we get pregnant again (fingers crossed!) - I think you are very brave! You are grieving for Trinity so it's completely understandable that you feel this way.
Big hugs!
ALana
_________________ Alana
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Thu Oct 06, 2005 7:47 pm |
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TrinityClair
Site Admin
Joined: Sat Jul 16, 2005 3:01 pm Posts: 1689 Location: Auckland
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Thanks for all your thought's. I'm having a scan tomorrow (friday) to give me peace of mind if anything, will post about this later.
_________________ MANDA
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Thu Oct 06, 2005 8:26 pm |
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BeesNees
Joined: Fri Sep 30, 2005 10:00 pm Posts: 653 Location: NZ
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Manda
I wish you and DH the best of luck with your scan tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you and look forward to hearing how it goes
_________________
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Thu Oct 06, 2005 8:56 pm |
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angelbaby
Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2005 10:44 pm Posts: 1117 Location: Auckland, NZ
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Good luck Manda
_________________ DD Tylar 10
Angel Riley Born Sleeping, 38wks
14 angels M/C
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Thu Oct 06, 2005 9:23 pm |
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Ally
Joined: Tue Aug 02, 2005 11:42 pm Posts: 664 Location: Auckland
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Hi Manda, I thought it was today for some reason. Anyway, I willhave to think of you tomorrow is well now LOL....... GOOD LUCK
Luv
ally
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Thu Oct 06, 2005 9:55 pm |
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nicoles mom
Joined: Sat Jul 23, 2005 8:08 am Posts: 716 Location: Caribbean
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Good Luck Manda! I will be thinking of you too
_________________
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Thu Oct 06, 2005 11:42 pm |
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Jenson's Mummy
Joined: Fri Sep 02, 2005 6:08 am Posts: 122 Location: UK
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Good luck Manda.
thinking of you darling
((((Big Hugs))))
and i look forward to hearing your 'good' news xxx
_________________ Our little baby girl Jenson - stillborn 38.3wks
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That's Me!
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Thu Oct 06, 2005 11:50 pm |
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Sassy Shells
Joined: Sat Jul 23, 2005 1:19 am Posts: 78 Location: Cairo, Egypt
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Hey Big sis, (Manda)
Thinking of you .. good luck tomorrow .. send me a pic of the scan if you can ... so I can add my future niece/nephew's pic with everyone elses that i have!
Lots of love
Shells
xx
_________________ The very proud mummy of Isla Francesca. Proud Aunty of 4 nieces and 4 nephews: Jordan, Zinnia, Carmen, Trinity Clair, Loralei, Jamie, Gabriel & Daniel
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Fri Oct 07, 2005 12:15 am |
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Sassy Shells
Joined: Sat Jul 23, 2005 1:19 am Posts: 78 Location: Cairo, Egypt
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Hey Big sis, (Manda)
Thinking of you .. good luck tomorrow .. send me a pic of the scan if you can ... so I can add my future niece/nephew's pic with everyone elses that i have!
Lots of love
Shells
xx
_________________ The very proud mummy of Isla Francesca. Proud Aunty of 4 nieces and 4 nephews: Jordan, Zinnia, Carmen, Trinity Clair, Loralei, Jamie, Gabriel & Daniel
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Fri Oct 07, 2005 12:16 am |
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