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 The Emptyness 
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Joined: Wed Aug 19, 2009 6:50 pm
Posts: 30
Post The Emptyness
Hi Peeps.

On the 30 May 2009 i gave birth to my Lil man, 20wks old.

Trying to move on with things, its hard.

Feel empty.

Sorry dont know what to say.


Mon Aug 24, 2009 7:54 pm
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Joined: Sat Sep 16, 2006 5:16 pm
Posts: 169
Location: Hamilton
Post Re: The Emptyness
:bighug: J&K

So sorry for your loss of your little boy. Please know we are all here for you.

_________________
:angel:Camden Mark @20.1wks 07/06
:angel:Keegan Leslie @17.4wks 02/07
:angel:Blighted Ovum@8wks 03/08
:angel:Caeden Hugh @21.1wks 10/08

IVF Mummy to 3 Beautiful :angel: Boys!!

An Angel in the book of life
wrote down my baby’s birth
and whispered as she closed the book
"too beautiful for the Earth"


Mon Aug 24, 2009 8:09 pm
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Joined: Wed Aug 19, 2009 6:50 pm
Posts: 30
Post Re: The Emptyness
Its the hardest thing i have ever been through.

Went down to the South Island as my g-dad passed away, and that night my water broke.

Got rushed to hospital in an ambulance, my lil man held on for couple of days and then he passed away. Gave birth to him and had to go to theatre to get my placenta removed.

Finally have gotten a period thanks to PROVERA!

Thank you for your post. Didn't realise how popular this was untill it happens to you.


Mon Aug 24, 2009 8:14 pm
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Joined: Sat Sep 16, 2006 5:16 pm
Posts: 169
Location: Hamilton
Post Re: The Emptyness
Awww Hun that is just awful that you lost your Grand Dad and your little baby boy within a few days of each other.

Yes sadly Incompetent Cervix is becoming alot more common or you hear more of it. I guess once it happens to you, you start to hear more and more stories of losses much like your own.

I know the last thing you want to hear or talk about the moment is trying again or your next pregnancy. If you do and want to know about Cervical Stitches please ask away. Its always good to talk to someone who has been where you are now.

Huge Huge Hugs Sweetie. Im sooo sorry for your loss. If you want to chat privately please Private Message me.

_________________
:angel:Camden Mark @20.1wks 07/06
:angel:Keegan Leslie @17.4wks 02/07
:angel:Blighted Ovum@8wks 03/08
:angel:Caeden Hugh @21.1wks 10/08

IVF Mummy to 3 Beautiful :angel: Boys!!

An Angel in the book of life
wrote down my baby’s birth
and whispered as she closed the book
"too beautiful for the Earth"


Mon Aug 24, 2009 8:22 pm
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Joined: Wed Aug 19, 2009 6:50 pm
Posts: 30
Post Re: The Emptyness
Sucks that my Dad lost his Dad and his first grandchild in only a week.

Yea thats what they are saying, as i had surgery in December on abnormal smears and no1 seemed to tell me that i might have difficulty going full term with a baby or even about a stich. Now i have changed specialists as my partner and i were not very happy with service.

About trying again, currently i am looking for a new job. So need to concentrate on that before i think about having another one.. even though i would love to try again now!


Mon Aug 24, 2009 8:25 pm
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Joined: Sat Sep 16, 2006 5:16 pm
Posts: 169
Location: Hamilton
Post Re: The Emptyness
Sweetie take it one day at a time. You do what feels right for YOU!!!

Thats good you have changed spealists. You need to have faith and alot of trust in a spealist. If you ever do get pregnant again please know we are here for you.

With my 1st darling Angel boy it was discovered I had Incompetent Cervix. By the time it was picked up it was too late my waters broke and I had no choice but to deliver him which I did a few hours later. I had no pains (Contractions) my darling boy lived for 30mins when he was born at 20wks 1day gest. I do hope you get some answers. If you have any questions please ask away.

Also where abouts in New Zealand are you?

_________________
:angel:Camden Mark @20.1wks 07/06
:angel:Keegan Leslie @17.4wks 02/07
:angel:Blighted Ovum@8wks 03/08
:angel:Caeden Hugh @21.1wks 10/08

IVF Mummy to 3 Beautiful :angel: Boys!!

An Angel in the book of life
wrote down my baby’s birth
and whispered as she closed the book
"too beautiful for the Earth"


Mon Aug 24, 2009 8:35 pm
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Joined: Wed Aug 19, 2009 6:50 pm
Posts: 30
Post Re: The Emptyness
I had bad contractions - very painful. Especially my back.

How long before you tried again?

DId u need a stich the next time?

Im in Auckland


Mon Aug 24, 2009 8:37 pm
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Joined: Sat Sep 16, 2006 5:16 pm
Posts: 169
Location: Hamilton
Post Re: The Emptyness
I am an IVF Mum so I had Embryo's sitting on ice to use so I got pregnant again a few months after I lost my first baby. Yes I had the McDonalds Stitch put in but sadly that failed and I lost my second son at 17wks 4d. I took a year off before trying again then did another Embryo Transfer which resulted in a pregnancy but sadly it was discovered at my 7wk Scan that I had a blighted Ovum (A sac but no baby) so miscarried at 8wks. A few months later we did another Embryo Transfer which was Sucessful but it was a very stressful Pregnancy. I started bleeding at 5wks 5d and was put on Strict Bedrest then at 6wks 4 I had a big bleed and ended up in hospital. I was told to go home and weight to miscarry but my little battler held on. At 11wks I was flown up to Auckland Hospital (Lived in New Plymouth) to get the Shirodkar Stitch done. I was going through the high risk team at Auckland Hospital under Prof Stone who is awesome by the way so if you can get in to see him please do before you attempt another pregnancy so he can answer any questions you may have. Get your Spealist to refer you onto him ASAP!!! Anyway all was going well then at 21wks I ended up in hospital suspected UTI but I was going the motions of a Placental Abruption confirmed by Prof Stone when I say him at my review appt months later. My 3rd Son became an angel at 21wks 1d. It was relief to know it wasnt my cervix that time but also heartbreaking to know the stitch was working but another problem arouse.

_________________
:angel:Camden Mark @20.1wks 07/06
:angel:Keegan Leslie @17.4wks 02/07
:angel:Blighted Ovum@8wks 03/08
:angel:Caeden Hugh @21.1wks 10/08

IVF Mummy to 3 Beautiful :angel: Boys!!

An Angel in the book of life
wrote down my baby’s birth
and whispered as she closed the book
"too beautiful for the Earth"


Mon Aug 24, 2009 8:47 pm
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Joined: Wed Aug 19, 2009 6:50 pm
Posts: 30
Post Re: The Emptyness
WOW!!

You have been through alot. Does the stich not work?

If you have a cervic incompetent, does it heal? or go back to normal?


Mon Aug 24, 2009 8:50 pm
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Joined: Sun Jun 15, 2008 1:52 am
Posts: 229
Location: Invercargill
Post Re: The Emptyness
HI J&K welcome to the group no one wants to be in. Sorry to hear that you lost your precious boy, Hope you get as much support as I have here the ladies are all wonderful.

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Mon Aug 24, 2009 8:54 pm
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Joined: Wed Aug 19, 2009 6:50 pm
Posts: 30
Post Re: The Emptyness
Thank you so much.

I see you are from invercargill.

South Island is beautiful that is where i am from!


Mon Aug 24, 2009 8:55 pm
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Joined: Sat Sep 16, 2006 5:16 pm
Posts: 169
Location: Hamilton
Post Re: The Emptyness
What happens is the pregnancy gets too heavy for the Cervix and it just gives out hense waters breaking and loss of a baby.

With the first Stitch (McDonalds) I ended up with a 2cm tear on the right side of my cervix which healed nicely. I do have a very healthy Cervix I have never had any problems with it before pregnancy. When I had the second Stitch put in (Shirodkar) my cervix was nice and long and healthy. Hormones do pay a huge part in it also. I suffer from PCOS. Its one of those unexplained things. All I can do is suggest you see Prof Stone or a Spealist before going into your next pregnancy and if and when you get pregnant again request to go through a High Risk Team at the Maternity Unit. I do hope you get your dream of a baby.

_________________
:angel:Camden Mark @20.1wks 07/06
:angel:Keegan Leslie @17.4wks 02/07
:angel:Blighted Ovum@8wks 03/08
:angel:Caeden Hugh @21.1wks 10/08

IVF Mummy to 3 Beautiful :angel: Boys!!

An Angel in the book of life
wrote down my baby’s birth
and whispered as she closed the book
"too beautiful for the Earth"


Mon Aug 24, 2009 8:57 pm
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Joined: Wed Aug 19, 2009 6:50 pm
Posts: 30
Post Re: The Emptyness
I am under a specialist.. At the moment she has said it ok to try again.. and they would be keeping a good eye on me. Give my body a rest at the moment. Thank you so much.


Mon Aug 24, 2009 9:02 pm
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Joined: Sat Apr 25, 2009 3:30 pm
Posts: 256
Post Re: The Emptyness
Hi J&K. So sorry to hear about your little man. I too had a son who died at 40 weeks gest due to a placental abruption (bleeding behind the placenta) and am currently going through the motions of a blighted ovum as mrs sloppers described.
I hope you know that every day will get a little easier than the last even though you will never ever forget about your son.
Don't forget to come and chat whenever you need to.
Nat

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Tue Aug 25, 2009 6:44 pm
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Joined: Wed Aug 19, 2009 6:50 pm
Posts: 30
Post Re: The Emptyness
Have you just gone through the ovum thing?

Its hard.. im actually struggling more than my partner is.

Day by day is getting easier, but my life has changed so much.. now the most important thing to me is family and thats all i want.


Wed Aug 26, 2009 2:16 pm
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Joined: Sat Apr 25, 2009 3:30 pm
Posts: 256
Post Re: The Emptyness
Yup. Just had the D and C yesterday. Or as the hospital refer to it the "evacuation of the uterus". Either way it doesn't sound pleasant!!

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Thu Aug 27, 2009 12:42 pm
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Joined: Wed Aug 19, 2009 6:50 pm
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Post Re: The Emptyness
Cant say i understand as i never had to have a D & C!!

I bet it cant be pleasant!

So sorry.


Thu Aug 27, 2009 2:29 pm
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Joined: Sun Aug 03, 2008 11:49 pm
Posts: 128
Location: West Auckland
Post Re: The Emptyness
I'm so sorry for your loss of your baby J&K, we are all here for you hun xx

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Jess, mum to Xander 5yrs, Emily 3yrs, and Darien stillborn at 28+4 on 16th June 08 from a Concealed Placental Abruption. Our new hope Lorelai born May 5th 09!
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Mon Aug 31, 2009 1:06 am
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Post Re: The Emptyness
Thank you so much. I want a baby but my partner doesn't seem to understand.

What is your story if you dont mind me asking??


Mon Aug 31, 2009 12:36 pm
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Joined: Wed Aug 12, 2009 4:10 pm
Posts: 12
Location: Invercargill
Post Re: The Emptyness
So sorry to hear of your loss J&K

I also lost my grandad a month before my daughter (18wk3d) on July 23rd. My grandad was from Kaka Point :) I love the Catlins and spent heaps if time there as a kid!

I'm pretty new to this site and haven't posted anything until now. Hope everything is well with you, I just felt compelled to leave a message with the similarities of losing our grandfathers as well as a child, and both from down south!

Hugs xox

Becs


Mon Aug 31, 2009 5:46 pm
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Joined: Wed Aug 19, 2009 6:50 pm
Posts: 30
Post Re: The Emptyness
Kaka Point is a beautiful place.

So sorry. It sucks huh?
Having to go through losing a family member to losing your own child. How are you copin?
Hear from you soon.


Mon Aug 31, 2009 5:53 pm
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Joined: Wed Aug 12, 2009 4:10 pm
Posts: 12
Location: Invercargill
Post Re: The Emptyness
yep its not easy, my grandad died extemely out of the blue. he'd never been sick and wasnt on any meds at all. My mum like to believe he was taken to look after my daughter. its a nice thought :)

Coping as well as I can, we havnt buried her ashes yet as my partner didnt feel ready to let go so we're going to do it on her original due date in december. I'm hoping that may bring some final closure, if thats possible?

how about you, how are you coping?


Tue Sep 01, 2009 4:03 pm
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Joined: Wed Aug 19, 2009 6:50 pm
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Post Re: The Emptyness
Hi Becs

My g-dad had parkinsons. So expected it. I agree with your mum Hun. I believe my g-dad is looking after my boy. but in ways i also thought why would my g-dad want to take him away from me.. Does that sound wrong?

Hun, dont worry about the ashes. I still have my boys. I am ready to but i want to find a spot and i am thinking about the South Island but as i live in Auckland i dont want to not beable to go and visit him. If u get what i am saying?

What happend, how you lose your baby?

I am copin ok, have my days. I lite a candle every night nearly for Ash.
Hear from you soon.


Tue Sep 01, 2009 5:50 pm
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Joined: Wed Aug 12, 2009 4:10 pm
Posts: 12
Location: Invercargill
Post Re: The Emptyness
We're burying her ashes with my grandad’s in Riversdale (just out of gore) so not too far from Invercargill for us to go visit. I think it’d be heartbreaking being miles away from her so I understand why you don’t want to burry your son so far away from you! I also understand wanting to find a special spot for him, I didn’t want our daughter to be all by herself in a graveyard I wanted her to be with family so in that respect I’m lucky to be able to burry her with my grandad.

We didn’t so much lose Lillian as we chose to let her go. She had server Spina Bifida and was already paralysed from the waist down and also had no hand/arm movement, clubfeet, deformed hand and was underweight. She wouldn’t have lived very long, possibly not even full term and would have died because of kidney failure. So at 18wk3d I was induced and delivered her on July 23rd. It was the hardest thing we'll ever have to do but at least I know she’s perfect up in heaven. They don’t know what causes Spina Bifida but the post-mortem may give us answers to the other problems but more than likely they’re just part of the Spina Bifida.

How did you lose your wee man?

I don’t think a day will come when I don’t think of her. Lighting a candle for your son is very sweet. I like to do the same for my girl every now and again.


Wed Sep 02, 2009 2:17 pm
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Joined: Wed Aug 19, 2009 6:50 pm
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Post Re: The Emptyness
Hi Becs

I thought about putting Ash with my g-dad, but my nanna lost a baby back in the days 9 hours after she had him so my g-dad is getting put with him. So i wanted to let them b.

But it sounds nice what you are doing and good on you.
Did you have a service and evrything?

Oh hun, that must of been so hard. I hope you get answers. Did you get to see her? Well my cervix was incomepetent. I had surgery in December and then ended up getting pregnant in Jan. My specalist never told me that my cervix might be to weak or anything. SHe said everything was fine. So at 20wks my cervix decided to give way and my water broke. got rushed to hospital losing alot of blood and water. Ash held on for a few days but his foot was hanging out and he had no fluid around him he didn't survive. They gave me a tablet to help me go into labour and that night i went into labour without having to have the 2nd tablet. Went to theatre to have placenta removed. Now i have changed specialists and she is telling me my next pregnancy i will need to live on asprin and have to have a stich. I have also just taken Provera to get a period as my body wasn't clickin i need one.

Have u got heaps of support down there? Do they have sands?
Im so sorry girl


Wed Sep 02, 2009 2:38 pm
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