If I could live that month again
I’d never let you go
I’d swaddle you against my body
and keep you safe and warm
you’d know I was always there

if I could live that month again
I’d be much more assertive
I’d tell rather than ask
and investigate and question and read and read and read
you’d know I was doing all I possibly could

If I could live that month again
I’d be all that a mother should be
I’d read your needs, anticipate
and understand what your body was feeling
you’d know that I was she

If I could live that month again
I’d do much more than I did
I’d have no regrets or guilt
and the questions would not exist
you’d forgive me all

if I could live that month again
I’d be able to save your life wouldn’t I?
I’d have you now, a little girl
and life would be so very different
you’d be 3

if only I could live that month again

25 feb'07

















Don’t tell me how lucky I am,
Don’t remind me of what I have,
The loss can never be replaced
And your words only bring me more pain

I should not deny my grief
Or forget what I don’t have
Please don’t try to help me by denying her importance
I know you mean well but you make me feel self indulgent

I feel exhausted and can hardly stand
Grief is so physical, it tears me down
The tears don’t bring relief
My baby is gone

She would be five, starting school
Getting excited and bubbling with enthusiasm
What would she look like?
Can I see her in my children?

I wish I could believe in an after life
That I will meet her one day
Feel her skin, her hair, hold her tight
Tell her how sorry I am

How sorry I am only touches the surface
I’m so sorry the words don’t describe it
Could I have saved you my little one?
If only I’d known then what I know now, maybe…

Could I have saved you the suffering you endured?
When I look at the photos and see your wounds
How uncomfortable the medical machines must have been
The guilt is huge and unforgiving and the blame overwhelming

I should have done more, I should, I was your mother
No one should protect you more,
It was my job and I failed you
How can I ever be at peace?

Did I do something wrong when you were in my womb?
Was I selfish and stupid, causing you harm?
If only I could turn back time


12 feb'09

Oh Liz your poems are beautiful!

Beautiful Poems Liz,

They brought tears to my eyes!! Im positive that Asia is so Proud of her Mummy for writting such wonderful Poems for her.

Thank you for sharing with us.