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 Struggling to survive 
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Joined: Sat Sep 16, 2006 5:16 pm
Posts: 169
Location: Hamilton
Post Struggling to survive
I just dont know where to turn or where to go anymore its like I have hit the end of the road and I cant move anymore!!

I feel so alone like all of my friends have gotten on with their lives and arent there for me anymore. I always seem to be the one who gets in contact with them my family is the same. Im at a time in my life where I need someone to reach out to me instead of me to them. I feel as if I cant cope and find myself sitting wondering if im better off dead then I wouldnt feel this way anymore. Im so fed up with door being slammed in face when it comes to Dr's. I ask to be referred to a counsellor and all I get is a pamphlet in the post about counselling.

I wished now that I had never gotten pregnant cos I wouldnt be feeling this way or this hurt. If only you could turn back time and make things different. My marriage is at breaking point and I feel as if everything around me is turning to crap. I just dont know what to do anymore. Im lost im frustrated and im low.

Sorry to vent and rant here but im sooo tired of crying myself to sleep everynight. Im tired of putting on a brave face in front of everyone and im sick and tired of hearing how strong I am when honestly im weak and a mess. I just dont want to live like this anymore I just dont want to feel this way and wonder if I will ever be happy again. Im so sick of people's pity the look they give you and the pittaful things they say. I so hate the comment "Oh well its natures way of telling you, you arent ment to be a mother"!! WTF sort of comment is that to make to someone!! I know I will make a good Mum to any child!! I sick of being told to let it go to move on geez if only it was that easy!!

Life Sucks right now!!!

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Thu Mar 26, 2009 10:57 pm
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Joined: Sat Jul 16, 2005 3:01 pm
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Location: Auckland
Post Re: Struggling to survive
I don't want you to take this as another person feeling sorry for you, but, I just wanna give you a massive :bighug: . Life really does suck sometimes doesn't it and I think you are totally justified in how you are feeling. Can I just say, hang on in there babe, you have come so far. About the whole natures way of telling you you weren't meant to be a Mum, totally WTF moment that one, I don't believe that, I do believe that nature can screw up and has done a monumantal job with more than a few of our TLO family. After all, humans are a product of nature are we not? and we are far from perfect, meaning nature is far from perfect. If we weren't meant to be mothers we wouldn't have been born with a uterus. I know others have different views and thats cool, but thats my take on it. Jeepers, you should be entitled to a counceller, I can't believe you have been given the brush off so many times. It's understandable that your marriage will be under strain, but I guarantee that you will come out the other side stronger. Since becoming a Mum I have heard the chant "this too shall pass" lots of times, and I reckon it applies here, you have been through so much crap, and, although I haven't met you, I have the distinct feeling you WILL get through this slump. Take it minute by minute if you have to, till you can get through hour by hour, then day by day, you get the picture. Sorry I'm waffling, man I wish we all lived closer, I'd be over there in a shot.
Sorry, I rambling, I can just feel your pain through your post and you don't deserve to feel that way, I wish I could take it away for you.
Love to you, love to your boys :bighug:

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Fri Mar 27, 2009 7:29 am
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Joined: Sat Oct 18, 2008 3:41 pm
Posts: 63
Location: Wellington
Post Re: Struggling to survive
Hey lovely, wish i was there to give you a big hug and share a cup of tea with you so that you could talk or cry or laugh. IT is unfair that people just think that life goes on, yet we never forget. Good on you for having a rant and rave on here otherwise we (your friends) would not know how you were feeling. As for the stupid comment about natures way what a load of ............. You are a mum and a dam good one, and whats more you will have a little healthy baby to love it just make take a bit more time than you first thought. Dont give up your hopes and dreams for anyone no matter how big or small they are.
Please know that we are hear for you and to me you are a very brave and special woman for sharing your stories about your boys.

Love and hugs to you and your angels,

Ness

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Fri Mar 27, 2009 10:01 am
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Joined: Thu Jan 29, 2009 8:26 pm
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Post Re: Struggling to survive
OMG I could so have written your post. I think that at some stage any women who has lost their darling baby feels so hopeless and you don't know where to turn or what to do. I know after having Sebastian I just got discharged from hospital that night. I never got a phone call , offered counselling or anything. It has been the loneliest journey of my life and I would not wish it on my worst enemy. I think that your friends, family and just people you talk to every day have no clue what to say to you. They think that comments like 'oh well its natures way' are going to make you feel better. I so agree WTF. I get so angry and want to tell them to go to hell. My family have stopped phoning because they don't know what to say to me anymore. My friends don't even mention the fact I was pregnant or should still be. None of them even ask how I am anymore. I feel like they think I should be over it by now. The sadest thing of all is that I feel my little boy is insignificant. The one thing that gets me through is thinking about all the lovely ladies on here and that I am not alone. I did arrange to go to a counsellor and it did help. I was being so horrible to my husband and she made me realise that we always take things out on those who we love the most because we know they will take it. You have been through the most horrendous thing a human being should go through. I also wished that I hadn't got pregnant because the pain of losing Sebastian was unbearable. You are a mum and don't forget that. Please know that I am thinking of you. You do have friends here. :)

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Fri Mar 27, 2009 1:35 pm
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Post Re: Struggling to survive
Hi fleur, everyone in New Zealand is entilited to free relationship councelling in New Zealand. I hope you dont mind but i rang the citizens advice burau in New Plymouth if thats still where you are (I didnt use any names)? I asked who offers free councelling and they said to ring relationship services on 758 3803 and you can get free councelling there. You dont just have to talk about your relationship with DH but can talk about your boys and anything really. I rang them and they said they are more than happy to provide councelling (stil didnt use any names just said a friend of mine had experinced losses and asked whats available) She also suggested you ring the hospital 753 6139. (ask for sally phillips - maternal mental health) dont know if youve had anything to do with her and i know you proberbly dont want anything to do with the hospital but though id tell you just incase?? She said you should be able to get help through her and she more specialised in that area but she emphasied if that didnt work out they are more than happy to meet with you and give you councelling.
Sorry things are so awful, hope this helps

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Fri Mar 27, 2009 3:48 pm
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Location: Dunedin
Post Re: Struggling to survive
I wish I was closer!! I plan on winning Lotto this weekend so will get everyone together. (I wish) First off - :grphug: The comment about it being natures way of telling you you are not ment to be a mother is BULL!! If you were not supposed to be a mother you would not have been given the mothers heart, love and instinct! Comments like that break my heart over and over again. You have children that you love and will cherish them forever and therefore you are a mother. I have gone beyond classing women who have babies as mothers, because some just are not mothers in heart and soul, the news these days tells you that. But all of us here on TLO are mothers in heart and soul and we will always have our children with us in spirit.
I was never offered counselling by the hospital, but the funeral home we used for GG's service did offer, but I never went. Sometimes I think I should have. We are all here for you Fleur.
Lots of love and hugs

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Sat Mar 28, 2009 11:10 am
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Joined: Mon Sep 18, 2006 11:30 pm
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Post Re: Struggling to survive
Oh Fleur, I wanna jump in my car right now and come give you a :bighug: and slap all the people who are making you feel so wretched.

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Sun Mar 29, 2009 12:50 am
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Joined: Sat Sep 16, 2006 5:16 pm
Posts: 169
Location: Hamilton
Post Re: Struggling to survive
Thank you everyone for your support!!

Debs thank you so much for that info.

I am so blessed to have you all in my life!!

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:angel:Camden Mark @20.1wks 07/06
:angel:Keegan Leslie @17.4wks 02/07
:angel:Blighted Ovum@8wks 03/08
:angel:Caeden Hugh @21.1wks 10/08

IVF Mummy to 3 Beautiful :angel: Boys!!

An Angel in the book of life
wrote down my baby’s birth
and whispered as she closed the book
"too beautiful for the Earth"


Mon Mar 30, 2009 4:29 pm
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Joined: Thu Dec 14, 2006 3:08 pm
Posts: 1708
Location: Rotorua
Post Re: Struggling to survive
Hi Fleur, I have put off posting as I was so taken by your opening post that it took my breath away.
First off...I would like to say, Hunny if anyone tries to say to you that you aint a Mummy...send them my way :evil: :evil: :evil: That is the cruelest thing I have ever heard. You are a Mum in every sense of the word. You have the will to love and care for a child, and you have three precious angel boys watching over you.

Second...the info that Debs found out for you could be worth looking into. I didnt get any counselling after we lost Julia and I wish that I had of, maybe then I wouldnt be the bitch that DH says I am today. Losing a child at no matter what gestation changes a person, and that is a change that can never be reversed.

Thirdly...as for the comments that you have been getting...I agree WTF?!!! as we all on here know, mother nature sure can be a bitch, and she has delt you the most despicable hand possible. Some people just dont have a friggin clue in their heads!

Please know that you are in my thoughts and we are all here if you need us, and like Tracey said, if I win lotto dont you worry, you will be getting a knock on the door one day and it will be all of us TLO Mums, come to visit you and to meet you angel boys.

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Mon Mar 30, 2009 7:57 pm
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Joined: Fri Feb 15, 2008 9:03 pm
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Post Re: Struggling to survive
It's times like this that I wish I had a private jet to jump into and come and give you a huge big hug. I completely agree with what the other lovely ladies have said and just hope that you are feeling a little stronger today. I think about you often and I hope you know how much we all care for you and are here for you.

:bighug: :bighug: :bighug: :bighug: :bighug:

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Tue Mar 31, 2009 11:44 am
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