Hi all.

Well I have been back at work for 2 weeks now. The first week was fine. Most of the parents (I'm a teacher in a day care centre) were really good and made me feel comfortable. Last week however, I had one parent on tuesday ask me "how it all went", another on thursday ask me how my little baby is doing, and then today another one ask me whether I had a boy or girl. Obviously none of these parents had been told about Dreyton and my situation. I don't necessarily blame anybody, but it would have been nice to come back to work and not have these parents asking me these questions. The first one took me completely by surprise and I froze then said it went fine! I didn't know what else to say. Then I got one of the other girls to explain everything to that parent later on. Todays one was the icing on the cake and I walked away crying. I honestly don't know if I can cope with any more! I'm pretty confident that everyone has now been told but I thought that before I started back! I knew going back to work would be hard and that there would be times when I would get upset, but I never imagined I'd have parents asking me questions thinking they were asking me about a live baby.

Anway after todays one I've been really down and missing my little man so thought I'd come and see what everyone else is up to. Since I've been back at work I haven't been coming on as often.

Nat

Sorry to hear work has been so tough i used to work in chilcare so i understand what a challenge it would be. Dont be too hard on yourself, its only been 2 months since you lost you beautiful much wanted and loved son. Id expect that you would be tearful especially with so many reminders in a job like yours
I hope things get easier now that hopefully everbody knows what happened but be kind too yourself and if you wake up feeling really tearful dont feel bad to have a sick day. Because for me i might have 2 weeks of feeling ok only to have a day of feeling like it just happened all over again.
Thinking of you

Nat, it is so hard when you have people asking about your baby when they dont know that he grew his angel wings.
What Deb's said is spot on, if you feel like shite then if you can take a sick day and just stay home and remember Dreyton.

BTW I would have thought that the daycare where you work would have sent a newsletter or notice home with the kids for the parents to read, thats what DS kindy did when we lost Julia, plus it helped that we live in a small rural community. You just need to fart here and your neighbour 2km down the road knows about it

Nat I can so relate to that feeling. I went back to work a month after I lost Connor only to have someone come up to me straight away and ask how baby was. I just burst into tears. Anyway turned out that that particular lady had also lost a baby so she handled it really well. But yea its going to be up and down for some time to come. I have been feeling quite rough at the moment like everything is fresh again. Hope you had a better day today.

Leonie

Thanks guys. I had another parent today ask me how motherhood was treating me so I went into the office and balled and my boss agreed to put a note out to all the parents. originally she had decided not to tell everyone because not all of the parents necessarily know me because they have started while i've been on leave or something. They told all the parents of the children I look after and some of the parents from the other rooms, but now they are telling everyone. The other reason they didn't want to tell everyone is because we (the staff) are all pretty close and so they of course were really struggling with Dreyton's death and didn't feel like talking about it over and over with the parents which is fair enough, but like I said to my boss today, surely that would have been better than me getting the comments I've been getting, and those parents feeling like crap for making them!!

I do think that if I felt like crap one morning my boss would definately let me have the day off! They are very understanding and pretty cruzy.

Julia's mum the centre I work in is in a rural area and I totally understand the farting thing!!

Big hugs Nat, I went back to work only a month after Georgia. I had quite a few clients ask me how baby was and what was I doing back so soon, wouldn't I rather be at home with my baby. It was so hard telling people. Most were really nice about it, but there were other's that asked when we were going to try again. I wanted to yell and say "try again? That means I failed the first time and I didnt, I had a beautiful daughter". One even said "oh well, you are still young, you can try again later". I wanted to slap her. People just don't know what to say, they all mean well.
Anyway - just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you.

I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this at work Nat, it's hard having your nose rubbed in it time and time again

A notice home is a really good idea, it stops all those horridly innocent questions. We did that at Xanders kindy, I was really glad for it.

Working in childcare is a tricky job for a mum who's lost her baby, please take care of yourself and make sure you keep YOU as the top priority hun.

Hi Nat,
It's totally understandable that at this early stage those questions would be difficult to bear. I'd just like to put my spin on it, just another point of view really. It does get easier to answer those questions, you actually learn different ways of answering (if at all), depending on whos asking, the questions change over time too. Now, 4 years down the track, I 'want' people to ask me about Trinity. you wil get there, from being petrified of being asked, to being ok with it. You may even find that with a note going out to the parents that some may avoid you, not knowing what to say or being afraid to upset you, and some that you haven't spoken to before, coming to you with their stories.

Thanks guys.

I have had people avoid me since finding out. I don't know whether it is because they don't know what to say or if they are embarrased for some reason. They just smile at me and carry on. I don't mind people talking to me about Dreyton at all. In fact like you Manda I want people to ask me about him, and I often bring him up just so I can talk about him.

It has been a pretty rough week and I have been very teary. But I am trying to be positive and I am sure that next week will be much better!

Nat

PS. I have a student working with me at work at the moment and sadly her boyfriend was killed in a car accident on tuesday. So we have been looking after eachother this week. She has been struggling because while she is on practicum she is expected to turn up everyday otherwise she has to start all over again. Her tutor has been quite supportive but made sure he told her she can't have too much time off! She had wednesday off but that was all. I don't think I could do it if I was her. I would have just said oh well Ill start again then.

Nat big hugs to you.

Going back to work is another moment in our grieving experience. I also dreaded going back to work and did so 4 months after my little boy. It was 2 weeks back at work for me and i had 3 people in the one day, ask me, the first time was an ex neighbour, hows your little baby, gosh you are back early' i burst into tears, the second time was an hour lately had tears well up when she said i can't believe you are back already, you had 12 months with your first, and the third an elderly man who said hows your baby what did you have, by that time i was fine.

I agree with Trinity over time you can deal with the situation better and you will choose to tell some more than others about what happened to you.

You will get people ignore you, simply cause they won't know what to say.
You will also get others who have gone thru the experience loosing a baby will come up to.

Another dread i had about going back to work was what my reaction would be when i saw 2 customers that i knew had babies the same month Kaleb was due. One day you will see someone and ask how old is she/he... and be told they are such and such and turns out to be the age Dreyton would of been.
It hasn't been very long for you, thinking of you
Sheree


Its not easy and it hasn't been very long for you... thinking of you

Sheree