The LOST Ones

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Author:  angel-maker [ Mon Nov 08, 2010 8:42 am ]
Post subject:  Re: INTRODUCTIONS

Hi Nat, thanks for the welcome :-)
I'm sorry about your little guy too.
I've got to say, I love your tat. Was actually thinking of doing the same thing, but on my arm, except, I haven't decided yet if I will use his hand prints or foot prints.
It's been several weeks already, and I'm still on auto-pilot-- pretty much not wishing to go on living. My husband is probably the only reason I haven't done anything about it. People keep telling me it will get easier, but it doesn't.
Anyway, thanks for taking the time to say hi. Have a great week!

Author:  debs [ Mon Nov 08, 2010 5:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: INTRODUCTIONS

Hi Glenn, sorry for the loss of your precious son. My name is Debs and I lost my son Ezra 2 years ago and although the pain isn't as intense as that first year, my heart will always ache for him.
Take one day at a time and feel free to talk on here whenever you need.

Author:  angel-maker [ Mon Nov 08, 2010 5:13 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: INTRODUCTIONS

Hi Debs, thank you for saying hello.
I suppose this is my lot-- forever having to be a little bit sad a lot of the time.
I admire all of you for even caring to push forward-- and trying to make it easier for all of us. I admire you all for doing something about the pain and pulling out even more strength to share with others. I don't know how you all do it, but it amazes me. Thank you, Debs.

Author:  natanddylan [ Tue Nov 09, 2010 10:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: INTRODUCTIONS

Hi Glenn,
My partner has Dreyton's handprint tattooed on his arm and my brother has his footprints tattooed on his leg. Both look really good. I don't see mine very often because it's on my hip but I see my partners and my brother's and when I do I find myself staring at them and wishing things were different.

As Debs said the sadness doesn't ever really go away. Take each day as it comes and don't push yourself to feel anything. Every day will be different and you are still in the very early days.

My partner still finds certain things difficult too. For example 3 weeks after my son was born my niece was born and while I managed to go and see her in the hospital, Dylan was unable to understandably. And yesterday my best friend had her first baby and when I asked Dylan if he was coming to see them he said he couldn't go there. After a year and a half he still doesn't want to go to the hospital where our son was born.

Anyway feel free to come on here and say whatever you need to. We have all done it at some point and continue to do so.


Author:  BouncyNz [ Fri Nov 12, 2010 9:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: INTRODUCTIONS

Hi sorry for the late welcome, my name is Hayley and we had a precious wee boy in 2008, as the other have said it doesnt get easier but you learn to cope better :( I hope you find as much comfort and support here as I have

Author:  ~*Telly*~ [ Sun Nov 21, 2010 11:32 am ]
Post subject:  Re: INTRODUCTIONS

Hi there and sorry for your loss.
The ladies here are wonderful and a great support


Author:  Kim [ Mon Nov 22, 2010 10:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: INTRODUCTIONS

Welcome Glenna

So sorry for your loss of your precious lil boy.

I too am a angel mum, my precious lil boy Thomas Shane was born sleeping 21 May 2004. Like all the wonderful ladies here have said the pain never goes away, you just learn to live/cope with it. It has been 6 1/2 years for me and I still have my days.

Huge (((hugs))) to you


Author:  angel-maker [ Sat Nov 27, 2010 5:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: INTRODUCTIONS

Oh my, ladies, thank you for all your warm welcomes.
I haven't been around for a while--- it may sound unbelievable but in the face of my loss, my work colleagues thought this would be the best time to complain that I keep too much to myself. And my boss who is a genius, told me to change "right now" or I will not have a job next year. I credit my closest friend at work for taking all the personal conversations we've had and turning them into an official document for my boss to base his decisions on.
My mind is being ripped apart and pulled in all directions. I keep having to switch from mourning mode to fight mode, to work mode and back and forth.
I thought at one point that I should fight off sleep because I was convinced I would wake up crazy the next day. But I'm still sane. And we go on.
I hope your lives are going better than mine.
It's the beginning of a 3 month Christmas break for me, and I'm glad all that useless, detrimental stress is over. My husband and I can finally go back to mourning and healing.
Our little boy would have been 8 months by now, and will have been born Christmas or Boxing Day. Nat, my husband still can't watch programs with pregnant women and births in them. It upsets him too much.
I didn't know a heart that's been ground to powder can still keep breaking.
Love and peace and joy to you all.
Thank you for caring.
-- Glenn

Author:  debs [ Sun Nov 28, 2010 9:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: INTRODUCTIONS

Glenn im so sorry you've been around such insensitive people. Thank goodness you have a 3 month break from work. I couldn't have worked in that first year to be honest, as im an early childhood teacher being around pregnant woman and babies everyday wouldve been just too hard. Most of us here have had friends, work mates or even family that have let us down with hurtful comments and actions and we've all probably felt like we are almost going crazy, so just know your not alone. Thinking of you :grphug: :grphug:

Author:  natanddylan [ Tue Nov 30, 2010 6:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: INTRODUCTIONS

Glenn I'm so sorry that your work colleagues are so unsympathetic! That sux big time it really does!

Like Debs I am also an early childhood teacher however I made the decision to go back to work after 2 months. I just wanted some normality back and something to do during the day to keep me busy. But I spent a good 2 weeks having conversations with my boss about how I wanted things like how I wanted people to talk to me about Dreyton etc so my experience wasn't too bad. Plus the group of girls I work with are amazing and they have helped me through to where I am now. I also went and visited the kids one day so they could ask me questions about Dreyton and I wasn't stuck there and could run back home to my bed!

Hang in there babe. A 3 month holiday sounds amazing! It'll be a good chance for you to relax and have the feelings you need to have without feeling like you are being judged for it, not that you should be judged for it anyway.

Author:  angel-maker [ Sat Dec 04, 2010 6:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: INTRODUCTIONS

Debs, how difficult it must have been for you to be around babies and mums at that time! Thank you for your comforting words. Coming here and being assured that I am not alone is soothing beyond words. I am seeing little by little that like all of you, I can go on-- and be a loving as you all are.

Nat, speaking of being judged-- I saw red some days back when I showed one of my supposed workmates pictures of our road trips-- she cringed... cringed!... when she saw a picture of our son and his flannel covered baby urn with us on those trips, and gave me that "you're going crazy" look. Grrrrrrr. Ironically, every single therapist/counselor we've seen actually encourages us to do that because it's healthy. Sigh.

I've always tended to gravitate to the dark side (the angry side), but my midwife told me something that shook me out of my darkness. It was something that a mother who lost her baby said to her. "I'm not going make my baby the reason for my life to suck." Admittedly, it puts a lot of pressure on me to "suck it up" and smile. But it feels good to honour my little one with a smile, never mind if it's with considerable effort sometimes.

Today, while my husband was at work, I managed to put up all the Christmas decor. It's very festive, and I can only wish our baby was here to play with them. Ironically, the day we celebrate our 8th wedding anniversary is also the day Joseph Glenn would have been born-- Boxing Day, the 26th. (Mental note: smile... smile... smile...)

Peace and love to you both :-)
--- Glenn

Author:  GG's Mum [ Thu Dec 09, 2010 12:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: INTRODUCTIONS

Hi Glenn, welcome.

I am mum to our Angel, Georgia Grace, who would be three in January and Shawna who will be two tomorrow (goodness me!!). Georgia was stillborn at 26 weeks, I lost her to pre eclampsisa. We held a funeral for her three days after I was out of hospital and once I picked up her ashes, we went on a road trip to get away. I took her everwhere with me on that trip. Showed her all the sites. I found it stranglely soothing.
I have found that my family were the hardest to deal with, my mother and I fought over GG's ashes and we still do not talk very often. I really just wanted you to know that you are not alone in your feelings. I think most of us here have the same sort of emotions and comments from friends and family.

Lots of hugs.

Author:  natanddylan [ Fri Dec 10, 2010 9:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: INTRODUCTIONS

I like that..."I am not going to make my baby the reason for my life to suck"!. New motto for us all maybe?

Author:  angel-maker [ Mon Dec 13, 2010 4:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: INTRODUCTIONS

Hey Nat... I like it too, but it seems a lot easier said than done. It's a goal for now, and a really compelling reminder. I mean no offense to my baby, and I know that wherever he is, he wouldn't want me to be so miserable...but I still can't help wishing i weren't here.
How's your summer going? I hope you're well :-)

Tracey... thank you for telling me about your road trips with GG. I can imagine how good it must have felt! Joseph Glenn and I just came back from Akaroa and Christchurch. We went everywhere! I took pictures of him as usual-- I can only imagine what the people were thinking, but who cares. Do you still take GG on trips? I've discovered that on domestic flights, they're quite kind to mums with ashes :-) This February, I'm going to give the international flights a go.
I'm sorry your mom doesn't agree with you about how you care for GG. It's none of my biz for sure, but you're GG's mum, and no one should tell you how to care for your own baby. I think the last thing we need is to have someone else question our love and how we love.

Hugs to you both,

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