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angelbaby
Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2005 10:44 pm Posts: 1117 Location: Auckland, NZ
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Feeling sad
Well I'm not sure where I should have posted this, but here will do as it was all empty
I wondered how long it would take me to break down
It hit me last night as I was having my nightly chat with Riley before I go to sleep, the tears just started flowing, I feel so bad because my days are so filled with taking care of Kairyn, that I don’t stop as often to think of Riley or chat with him as often as I used to, I still think of him everyday but it’s not like how it used to be and it makes me feel like I’m letting him down and I don’t want him to think that I’m forgetting him or that I’m too busy for him and the other thing that has me all upset is the sad realisation of what I missed with Riley, of all the things that I had imagined doing with him but never got to.
When I look at Kairyn especially while he’s feeding I feel this overwhelming protective love for him and I feel guilty that I feel this way for him because I never got to experience this with Riley and yet I feel guilty for Kairyn for feeling that way
All of this makes me so angry, upset, and confused, for in the same moment I can feel so much happiness but also so much sadness. Such is the life of the mum with both earthly and heavenly angels.
_________________ DD Tylar 10
Angel Riley Born Sleeping, 38wks
14 angels M/C
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Thu Mar 09, 2006 10:06 pm |
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TrinityClair
Site Admin
Joined: Sat Jul 16, 2005 3:01 pm Posts: 1689 Location: Auckland
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Hi Jacqui,
(((hugs))) to you. Even though my baby isn't here yet, I already feel alot of what your describing, so I can only imagine what it will be like when she's finally here. I'm certain Riley doen't think you've forgotten him, I'll bet he's right there with you helping you take care of his little brother.
_________________ MANDA
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Thu Mar 09, 2006 11:31 pm |
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BeesNees
Joined: Fri Sep 30, 2005 10:00 pm Posts: 653 Location: NZ
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(((((BIG HUGS))))) Jacqui - I'm sorry you are feeling so down at the moment.
I am also sure that Riley knows you haven't forgotten him. He is probably relishing in all the love you have to share with Kairyn and enjoying watching him grow up with you. I can even imagine his proud big brother smile.
Claire
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Fri Mar 10, 2006 10:17 am |
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Lisa
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 10:47 am Posts: 1106 Location: Auckland
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Big hugs hunny ..
Riley will know that you will never forget him, as the others have said he will be loving watching you with his lil brother.
Huggles xxxxxxx
_________________
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Mon Mar 13, 2006 12:34 pm |
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mariasmum
Joined: Sat Sep 03, 2005 8:19 pm Posts: 653 Location: Auckland
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Thinking of you Jacqui, I can't imagine what you are going through, I guess I may understand in a few months time. Go easy on yourself at this time, you are a great mum and I'm sure that what you are feeling is quite normal.
_________________ Alana
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Mon Mar 13, 2006 12:53 pm |
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nicoles mom
Joined: Sat Jul 23, 2005 8:08 am Posts: 716 Location: Caribbean
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Big Hugs Jacqui (((( )))) The fact that you feel this way shows that you haven't forgotten! Riley knows that. He sees you everyday and just because we might have a busy day it doesn't mean we have forgotten. We could never forget-our angels are always with us.
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Wed Mar 15, 2006 12:38 pm |
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angelbaby
Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2005 10:44 pm Posts: 1117 Location: Auckland, NZ
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Thanks everyone.
I've been feeling better about it all this week, I have good moments and I have sad moments it's all just a part of it that I now accept. I now dedicate a time in the day that is only for Riley, so that I may talk to him, think of him, write about him or just cry.
I know it may seem too early but I often talk about Riley with Kairyn I like to tell him that he has a special brother watching over him, I want Kairyn to grow up used to the idea that he has a brother who is not with us, and talking about him now means that when Kairyn is older and ready he can ask his own questions in his own time, and making Riley apart of his everyday life now means that it will not be such a shock when it comes time to explain how and why Riley is not with us here.
On a more happier note, Kairyn blessed me with his first smile the other day, it just lit up my whole world and made me even more thankful to have him in my life, I'm just so lucky as I thought it would never happen for me.
Take care everyone
Jacqui
_________________ DD Tylar 10
Angel Riley Born Sleeping, 38wks
14 angels M/C
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Sun Mar 19, 2006 10:30 am |
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bumpytum
Joined: Mon Dec 12, 2005 10:36 am Posts: 279 Location: Wellington
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That's so beautiful Jacqui - brought tears to my eyes.
I feel like you are leading the way with learning how to live this life after baby loss. It's a life that is tinged with pain. Big hugs to you and may you have many more heart warming smiles each day.
With love,
Melanie
_________________ 08/08/05 Angel Amelie Margaret died in labour at 11 days overdue.
Always loved and so missed.
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Sun Mar 19, 2006 5:45 pm |
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