Hi all,
I just wanted to ask a question (well, a couple actually) about sleeping through the night. Obviously we haven't reached that milestone yet otherwise I wouldn't be asking. When did your earthly angel/s start sleeping through? Was there anything you think that helped?
I have no problem getting up during the night, my problem is I can't get Loralei back to sleep and when I do she's very restless and wakes every 15 mins - 1/2 hourly. She goes to bed easily about 8.30 - 9.30ish for about 3- 4 hours but then it's a struggle. If she went back down and slept another 4 hours I'd be thrilled, but it ends up with me being totally exausted and frustrated and I don't want to feel like that with her because then I feel guilty as hell as I know she's not doing it on purpose. I know these feelings are normal (are they?), but I'm totally unforgiving of myself for being like that. Has anyone else had to deal with these feelings? How did you overcome them?
Other than this Loralei is just the sweetest, she's so perfect, even when she's grouchy, I love her to bits.
Sorry it's a bit long winded and probably confusing, I just needed to share, thanks for reading and for any input.

Hi Manda,

All your feelings are normal, I think, because we have lost a son or daughter we put these really high expectations on ourselves to always feel grateful and happy that we have a precious wee one here with us now and that we are not allowed to feel upset or frustrated when our little earthly angel is being a tad uncoopertive, but it is ok to feel frustrated and helpless, think of it this way, had our angels lived, then when we felt frustrated (as I'm sure we would have at times) we would not have felt so guilty about it because it just would have been a normal part of parenting. You are allowed to feel like this and to have these feelings without the guilt. Parenting is hard at the best of times but I think even harder when one has lost a child.

As for getting Loralei to settle, you could try swaddling or some sort of white noise, I'm not sure what really works as I think it depends on the baby.

Hugs to you and Loralei

Oh hun - I think all these feelings are normal.

You aren't going to like this - but Cam slept through from about 3/4 weeks old - and has been a good sleeper since. I must say though - since the moment he was born, he had to be woken for food, wouldn't really wake for any on his own. We used to give him his 'last' feed at midnight, then get up to him at about 6 am - which is great for a new mum.

I know its different for all babies, but I do know if you always cuddle or sway them back to sleep, then that's what they get used to and its a really hard thing for them to get out of.

Maybe a wee nightlight in her room (we had a REALLY dim one in Cam's) or some quiet background noise. I think can also try leaving her for longer each time if she grizzles, rather than going straight in. I know some people don' like leaving their screaming/crying/grizzling babies, but on some babes it works,so please take no offense at that suggestion. Another thing is too, if you are not doing so already, is to have some sort of routine - this may help her settle at night.

These of course are only suggestions, and probably not really of much help seeing as Cam's always been pretty good.

I hope that you find something that works for you - and your wee cutie pie

Thanks for the suggestions so far.
Jacqui, I swaddle her every sleep but haven't tried the white noise as yet, might just give it a go.
Telly, She's still in with us for a little while longer and we have a dim light going. I don't go to her straight away, sometimes I've gone 1 -2 hours before getting her up, but she usually works herself up before then. I'm trying to get her into a routine, it's taking a bit of time, just when I think I've got it sussed she changes it up, I'll keep at it though.
Thanks again, more suggestions welcome.

Hi Manda

I'm a bit like Telly - my boys slept throught the night at 7 and 10 weeks. Parenting is definitely a hard job though and I completely understand your frustrations. I know of heaps of parents who tried every trick in the book to get their baby to sleep through the night and the only thing that worked was time.

Anyway, the techniques we used with our boys were:
Closer feeds during the day (and shorter sleeps) to encourage longer sleeps at night

Very dim lighting/noise when feeding at night so not too much stimulation

Music - we still play a CD called "Music For Dreaming" to them even now. I have seen it for sale at The Baby Factory in Wgtn. It is by the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra and has no gaps between songs

Always trying to put bubs down to bed awake but sleepy (sometimes hard if they fall asleep feeding). Apparently this helps them to resettle themselves if they wake later because they know where they are

If our babies were really unsettled we would sing to them, rock/pat them in the cot or simply sit in the room just to let them know we were close but not actually cuddling them

That's all I can think of for now...

Best of luck - it sounds like you're doing a fantastic job to have such a happy little girl

Well I don't mean to sound difficult, but I've tried pretty much all of that too (except the sounds, will trial that this weekend when dh doesn't have to go to work the next day). We had another difficult one last night, she went to bed about 10 and woke at 12, I didn't go to her right away or get her up I kept putting the dummy back in her mouth, rubbed her back and sat there till she nodded of again, but as soon as I'm settled back don it starts all over again, she finally went to sleep at 7 am. That was a particularly bad one, she normally goes at least 3 hours for her 1st sleep. So I took her to the Dr today and we're going to try to adjust her medication for reflux, 1/2 in the morning and 1/2 at night, she thinks the meds may be wearing iff at that time, so fingers crossed.

Manda,

One more thought would be a visit to a good cranial osteo and/or a good homeopath to help her with her settling and sleeping comfortably.

PM me if you would like a good cranial osteos name as I know a number of very good ones in Akld.

I hope you get a better nights sleep soon!

M

I wish I had some more suggestions - I really feel for you! Maya slept thru from 7 weeks, but then when she got sick at 5 mths she was waking hourly and I can vividly remember one time sitting up feeding her with tears streaming down my face thinking "just hurry up baby, please hurry up". We did controlled crying in the end (once she was well at about 10 mths) which was sooooo hard but did work really well. But I don't know if I'd have had the heart to try the controlled crying when she was Loralei's age.

Sorry I can't be any help, but thinking of you and hoping you get some sleep soon!

Hi Manda

I have just discovered this website www.thesleepstore.co.nz

Its got lots of really helpful advice, and you can buy CD's, books DVD's etc from them. Also the person who runs the site will give you free advice if you email her.

We had a bit of a read last night and followed some of her instructions for swaddling and comforting and we have just had the best nights sleep in a month! Still waking for feeding every 3-4 hours, but straight back to bed and asleep afterwards. Even got a lie in until 9am this morning and I would have stayed in bed for another half hour but the midwife is due in a few minutes so I had to get up and organised.

Really would recommend you have a look at that website though, even if it just reinforces what you are already doing. Hope that you have a better week.

Lizzie

Thanks Lizzie I'll definatly take a look.

We actually might be having some success, though I know one night doesn't mean we've won the battle. Loralei slept a solid 3 1/2 hours and went into a lighter sleep which is when the problems start, only this time they didn't, I kept putting the dummy in her mouth and gave her a couple of little pats on the back and she relaxed again and slept, I had to do this a few times but she didn't really wake till 5.30, although I didn't get much sleep because I expected her to wake, but hey, she had a much better night, and she's now having a nap IN HER BASSINETTE DURING THE DAY for more than 1/2 and hour, WOHOOO (if your confused as to why I'm so excited, well, getting her to sleep in her bassinette during the day for more than 20 minutes - 1/2 an hour has been impossible). Touch wood that it wasn't just a fluke.....