Sorry guys, I haven't been able to post about Brady's birth. Too be honest it seems so irrelevant now with what we are dealing with. We took Brady in for his 1 week checkup and the Dr. detected a very loud heart murmur which wasn't present when he was first born. Our pediatrician is whisking us off right away this week to see a pediatric cardiologist, because our pediatrician feels this heart murmur might actually be a heart defect requiring open heart surgery, or on the other hand it could just be a normal murmur.

We don't see the cardiologist untill thursday, and I'm really having a hard time dealing with it. Brady looks and acts completely healthy and it's hard to believe that something might be wrong with him.

Since we were told this news on friday, I've gotten very little sleep. I keep staring at him wondering if he does have some type of heart trouble. When I do sleep....I have such terrible nightmares of having to visit 2 children at the cemetery buried side by side.

I really thought that with all the excellent care I got throughout this pregnancy that we were in the all clear. The labor was a little terbulant since the cord was around his neck....but he managed to do fine in the end. Why do we have to be blindsided by this now?????

I've completely sworn off of having anymore children. It seems like nothing ever goes right for Josh and I, and I just can't deal with it anymore.

I'm hoping and praying that the echocardiogram that will be done on thursday proves that my pediatrician is a quack and that nothing is wrong with Brady....but I'm starting to feel like my prayers will never be answered.

Sorry....I guess I needed to vent. It's so hard to talk with Josh right now...because all I do is cry when I try too. Alyssa is starting to catch on that something is wrong, and she keeps asking me if Brady is going to die like Tyler did, so I try to hide my feelings around here.

Thanks all for listening....
Bridget

Oh Bridget - That sounds very scary. Sending you, Josh, Alyssa and Brady (((((BIG BIG HUGS)))))

I can so understand why you feel blindsided by what happened at the paediatrician but I am really hoping that Thursday will bring you good news about little Brady. Like you said in your message, it could just be a "normal" murmur that will not cause him any long-term ill-effects.

Either way, I am thinking of you and truly believe that you have the strength to get through the next couple of days. You have come so far and are such a brave lady. Hold on to that strength and look after yourself and your wee family.

Take care...My heart is with you all.

Claire

Oh Bridget I really feel for you, Kairyn had a heart murmur, which was discovered a few days after he was born and so he was sent of for a heart scan which revealed that everything was fine and he had to have a follow up scan when he turned 1 just to check on everything.

I remember when the doctor told us he had discovered the murmur, I just sat there stunned I couldn't take in anything he was saying, which happened to be, that it can be quite normal and that many babies/children can go through life with no problems while still having a heart murmur and that the heart surgery for murmurs is not that common as most don't require it.

Also, the doc said that alot of babies have heart murmurs when born but by the time you get bubs fully checked over at the 6 week check up (in NZ) they have disappeared, which is why many parents never knew that there was a murmur in the first place.

I know that none of this will put your mind at ease I just hope it helps a little.
Big (((HUGS))) and I really hoping that all turns out fine for you and Brady on Thursday.

Take care
Jacqui

Oh Bridget, I am so sorry to hear about this. I will be thinking of you on Thursday.
If it helps you to feel any better, both DH and I have heart murmurs and we are completely healthy. Let's just hope that Brady's murmur is an innocent one. I can imagine that it must be all so scary for you right now.

Well hanging in there on very little sleep. Will be seeing the cardiologist in 2 days. Brady is thriving, and is just a joy to be around. Alyssa is being quite the little mother hen, and is trying to take care of him all by herself.

I'm still terrified the cardiologist will find something wrong, but I guess I'll have to wait and cross that bridge in 2 days.

Bridget

Hugs Bridget! We've had our share of tense moments here with the gremlins health problems in the early days and all the worry takes years off your life! Thinking of you guys, and hoping the paed appointment shows nothing serious.

Well we took Brady to the pediatric cardiologist today....I of course was a nervous wreck and hyperventilated the entire 45 minute drive to the children's hospital.

They did an echocardiogram and the cardiologist found 3 things wrong with Brady's heart......BUT NONE OF THEM ARE LIFE THREATENING!!!!!!!!!!
In fact he feels the 3 defects that are there will resolve on thier own as Brady gets bigger. He does want to keep an eye on the one defect (the pulmonary valve)...he said it's small and doesn't quite open and close the way it should, but feels it will also resolve on it's own....but if it doesn't then it may require some treatment a little later.

We have to go back in 2 months to have a repeat echocardiogram (ultrasound of the heart)....and see how things are progressing.

During the echo....I kept hyperventilating..... I actually saw the one defect (a hole in between 2 of his heart chambers) and thought that for sure we were in for a long battle with heart surgery, I almost vomited several times, and Josh wasn't quite sure what to do with me. In my mind I kept begging for TJ to show up and help out his brother. I can't even tell you how long I pleaded with God for Brady to be alright.

Although I'm still nervous....I'm going to sleep much better tonight knowing that his defects aren't life threatening. I would rather them not be there at all.....but at this point I'll take what I can get.

The Dr. isn't putting Brady on any restrictions, and feels we shouldn't have any problems with him from this.

He did promise me that my rheumatoid arthritis (autoimmune disease) and the steroids I have to take for it, played no part in any of this. So I am relieved about that also.

Well goodnight everyone....I'm off to catch a good few ZZZZZZ's tonight.

Bridget

Oh Bridget, that is awesome news! Thanks for letting us know, I have been thinking of you. I hope you manage to catch up on some well-deserved sleep and that Brady continues to thrive. It's great that Alyssa is enjoying him so much. I can just imagine her as a little mother hen clucking over him!!

Wonderful news Bridget

Awesome news Bridget! Enjoy some much needed sleep!

Still not quite over the whole thing yet, and finding it hard to sleep. I have Brady sleeping in a bassinet next to our bed, and when I don't hear his breathing I start poking at him (even though he is breathing and I just don';t hear it). I do have one of those angel care motion and sound sensor monitors, and I love having it for that extra reassurance.

He still seems to be doing fine...I just can't get it out of my mind that there are 3 heart defects there....even if they are ones he should outgrow.

Not only am I dealing with that.....but I have been blindsided again by the grief and guilt I carry over loosing Tyler. I thought that once Brady was born....I would feel better....but once the Dr. said "Congratulations it's a boy"-the whole rollercoaster of emotions began again. It's amazing how much you can miss someone who's been gone almost 2 years... and still remember every detail about them. I've been visiting Tyler often at the cemetery...and that seems to help get me thru the days. I wish I could visit more often right now...but it's the middle of winter here and it's been around 20 below 0 the past 2 weeks.....WAY TOO COLD

Sorry guys, I'm still trying to post pics of my new little man....but I'm still having some trouble. I was used to doing it the other way to attach the pics, but I'm trying to use the photobucket thing. Hopefully I'll get the hang of it soon. You know it's hard to teach us old dogs new tricks!!! HAHAHAH.

Bridget

Oh Birdget Big (((HUGS)))
Everything you are feeling is completely normal, feeling scared, the grief, we've all been there, but it does get better and eaiser, it will just take a little time.
You are dealing with so much emotionally at the moment that it can all seem quite overwhelming, especially when your grief for Tyler resurfaces with a vengance.

Take care and remember we are all here to help you through

p.s. you are not alone in poking at Brady, I think we've all done that, I used to wake in the night and panic because I couldn't see or hear Kairyn breathing so I would shine my torch on him and poke and prod him.

That is fantastic news that Brady's heart issues are non-life threatening but I can completely understand why you are still worried about him. Sending (((((BIG HUGS))))) your way.