Hi Trudes,
(((((Hugs))))) I hope you are feeling a little bit better, although I totally understand what you are feeling, and I would say that bottling things up & DH being away is probably not helping the situation. I hope little Maia is sending you lots of angel hugs and kisses, because it sounds like her Mummy needs them right now.
We lost our little girl Satori at 36.5 weeks in Nov 07, and I still cry bucket loads some days
I remember My DH being away for 10days last year, and I thought I was doing OK, but completely lost it half way through his conference. I don't think I realised how much I needed him around, emotionally, both in terms of our loss and the TTC journey.
I am so sorry to hear that your last IVF was BFN - it is a gut wrenching result, and I really don't know what so say, accept that I hope the future brings your wishes true, as it seems that you and Mrs Sloppers, really do deserve to have a baby in your arms (((hugs)))
Thinking of you and welcome to TLO.
Take Care and come on for a chat whenever you feel like it.