Hi everyone. Here is my sad experience with Loss of a Child After Birth .....

We went to our 20wk scan all excited to discover whether we were having a son or daughter, only to realise that something was wrong. The sonographer wouldnt tell us what it was and kept saying "speak to your midwife". All she would say was that there was very little amniotic fluid (turns out there was none) and cysts on the right kidney. We left the place kind of perplexed, not knowing if we should be worried or not. So I went home and trawled the internet and suddenly became very very worried. The midwife rang that night after she had received the ultrasound report and said "things look very bad" and that she would be at Auck Hosp the next day and would see if she could get me an appointment to see the Fetal Medicine doctors. Well, she rang the next morning, and I had to go into Auck Hosp that very afternoon for another scan.

At that scan I asked the sonographer to tell me exactly what she was seeing as I had a right to know. So she did. Again she found that the right kidney had cysts on it, so I asked her if the left kidney was okay and she said that there wasnt a left kidney. At that exact point I knew that our baby was not going to live. She went on to tell me that there was no bladder, no amniotic fluid, a possibly abnormal heart (she couldnt see very well as amniotic fluid helps make the pictures clearer), and fluid around the heart. Then she left and was gone for about 40 mins. Hubby and I are left in this dark room wondering what the hell is going on. Anyway, turns out that there are doctors watching our scan in another room. So they lead us away to an "interview room" and tell us that there is no hope whatsoever for our baby. He (we didnt know he was a he till he was born) has bilateral renal agenesis, or potters syndrome (type 2) which is fatal. So we make the decision to induce him the following week.

The induction was terrible. I went in on Mon for the first round of tablets ..... "is this going to kill my baby" I ask the staff midwife. I could see by her face that it was a very high possibility - the first course of tablets do something to the placenta. I choke them down. Then we went in again 48hrs later to be admitted and have the next round of tablets to start contractions. I could feel my little baby boy kicking the whole time, I felt that it wasnt really me on the bed and that I was standing in the corner of the room watching the whole event. The labour was relatively painful as I cant have pethidine, but I didnt care, I felt like I deserved it. He was born at 1am the next morning. He was alive. The delivery midwife quickly separated him from the membrane - he was very tightly enclosed due to no amniotic fluid. She gave him a quick wipedown so we could spend as much time as possible with him while he was alive. His wee mouth opened and closed as he tried to breathe and I felt that he was very weak. He lived for 15 minutes.

I guess the rest is history. He was autopsied the next day (Fri), cremated the following day (Sat), and I bought his ashes home on the Monday. We will get the autopsy results in another 6wks I reckon, and I have this terrible fear that they will say "oh we made a mistake, your baby did have a left kidney and bladder after all ... sorry about that". Hubby tries to reassure me that they didnt make a mistake, but it is still bothering me.

Since then I think I have felt every miserable emotion known to man. I tell my hubby that I just want to go and smash everything in the house that is precious to me, because it wont hurt. I find that mornings are the worst times for me. While I am asleep, I am free of all these emotions .... but then I wake up and find that absolutely nothing has changed. I feel like I am patiently (or perhaps impatiently) waiting for time to pass because I know that when enough time has passed, I will be healed ...... it seems to be d-r-a-g-g-i-n-g. There is still the autopsy appointment to endure, and then before you know it, Gabriels Due Date (Aug 10th), not to mention the Due Date of my m/c (May 14th).

So thats my story for one and all to read.

Hi Melissa,
Like always it is a sad welcome I give you to our site. I'm so sorry for the loss of your son Gabriel. Like jenn, my daughter Trinity was born sleeping at 39 weeks for 'unknown causes'. It is without a doubt the most difficult painful experience for anyone to go through. My husband put together this site after we lost Trinity and it has been a huge source of support being able to talk to others who have been through similar experiences. I look forward to getting to know you and your family. Feel free to come here and rant, vent, just read or whatever you need, we're all here for each other. Take care Melissa. (((hugs))) for you and your family.

ps, I grew up in West Auckland, have you been there long?

Melissa - You are one brave lady...

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I hope we can all be of great support to you over the coming days, weeks, months...

Claire

Hi Melissa,
Welcome to this wonderful supportive place, I hope you find some peace amongst these pages.
I am so sorry for the loss of your wee boy Gabriel. The loss of our babies is just so heartbreaking.

Thank you for sharing your story
Take care
Jacqui

Hi Melissa
Welcome to the site and thank you for sharing your story with us. I always find it an honour when people are willing to share their stories as it's not an easy thing to do.

I met you briefly on the EBB a couple of weeks ago - my name is Alana and I lost my daughter Maria who was stillborn at 24 weeks - also of unknown causes. My husband Angus and I have a 3-year old son named Joel, we live in New Lynn and are expecting our third child in 9 weeks time. I'm a fulltime mum and part time student.

I hope you find comfort in being a part of this forum - this is a group of wonderful people and we've all found great support here.

What a horrible time you and your family have been through. I'm so sorry about your little Gabriel and hope that the days will slowly get easier for you. Do you have good support with friends and family?
Love, Alana

Hi, I'm Telly

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss that you and your family have had to endure.

You've come to the right place to share - there are lots of lovely ladies here with wonderful advice and caring words.

((hugs))

Hi I am Melanie and our first born girl Amelie Margaret died in labour at 11 days overdue on the 8th of August last year.

I still am devastated, I have realised we were not monitored properly and had things been done even a bit more carefully she would most likely have lived.

Thank you for sharing your story.

I hope each day you can see a little more sunshine.

Big hugs.