Not really sure what to say, I'm so tired from the lack of sleep I've been getting. I guess I should first say....I'm pregnant, almost 8 weeks (thanks for keeping my secret Jenn).

I haven't seen the dr. yet, they don't see you untill your 8 weeks over here, so I'll be going in to see him on wednesday for an ultrasound. I should be due around February 12, 2007.

I guess the problem is, I'm having a real hard time being happy because I have this impending doom feeling going on. I just feel like "something's not right", but not sure what, or why I have this feeling. I did have some very light spotting around 5 weeks, but it was only for 1 day, and very faint, and I know lots of people who have have spotting. But I don't think that's what is causing these feelings.

Like I said, I'm so tired, I just can't sleep because I keep thinking "what if this baby is already gone????" I did have some nausea early on, but I haven't really had any lately, and I just don't "feel pregnant" despite all the home pregnancy tests continually coming up positive (I think I've taken about 10 now).

At first when I found out I was pg, I felt extreme elation, only to quickly turn to an extreme guilty feeling. I felt guilty that my beautiful son is gone, and I'm moving on with my life. Now I wonder if that guilt has pushed this little one into no longer being. Why do I have this incredible impending doom feeling?????

It's a weekend over here now, then the dr. office is closed on monday and tuesday (it's a holiday over here this week), so I can't even call to see if I can get in early, since they won't be open until wednesday anyway.

Thanks for listening guys. I wasn't sure who to talk to about these feelings. Josh and I haven't told anyone yet. I know you guys probably understand these feelings more than anyone else would anyhow.

Now that I've let some of these feelings out, maybe I can go to sleep now (it's 4am right now).

Keep your fingers crossed, and I'll let you know how wednesday goes (4 days away).

Bridget

Firstly CONGRATULATIONS Bridget

And secondly (((((BIG HUGS))))) - I know how hard it is to feel excited about a new pg after loss but I'm sure everything will turn out just fine when you go to see your obst. Will you be able to have a scan then and there? - that will be a real reassurance for you I'm sure. My best advice between now and then is to keep busy and definitely keep talking about how you're feeling. When I couldn't sleep at night during the early days of this pg I would write down my fears, questions etc. in a notebook that I kept by the bed. It felt really great to just get them out of my head for a while. Or of course come and leave messages here...there is always someone ready to listen (as you already know).

So.....best of luck for your appointment on Wednesday. I will be thinking of you over the next few days and hoping that you are able to get a little rest.

(((((BIG HUGS))))) again.

Keep safe.

Claire

Wow CONGRATULATIONS Bridget!

I am 8 weeks pg today so we are on a very similiar schedule which is exciting.

I know its due to lack of sleep due to worry but I too am feeling much more tired than when I was first pg with Amelie. I have been putting it down to my age (40) and another pg, but also I know it is the emotional stress of being pg again.Even though its what we want it feels so scary and risky and I just want Amelie back even more. I have been thinking of Amelie even more than usual and as I know she has died I have decided not to feel guilty as its an emotion that is not helpful.

I have had early hcg blood tests which were reassuring, also we had a scan last week at 7 weeks and it was such a joy to see the heart beat - I can recc this highly though of course be prepeared to feel terrified until you actually see the heartbeat. This is natural. Once you have a heart beat its a 95% it will keep going.

I have also been keeping a diary as Claire suggests.It helps me get to sleep.

Hang in there till Wednesday and I wish you all the best.

Sleep well.

Melanie
(Your pg buddy!)

CONGRATULATIONS Bridget, I'm so happy for you

And Big (((((HUGS))))), it can be hard at first, so many emotions to deal with, overwhelming happiness, sadness, and of course the guilt, but it's all normal and it's ok to feel scared and uncertain, but it's also ok to feel happy and to have hope and I'm sure TJ is very happy for his Mummy and Daddy.
It's a long road and you won't feel safe and secure until you have your precious bundle in your arms but we are all here for you to help you along the way.

Will be thinking of you over these next few days as you wait for your scan, but in the meantime put your feet up and rest when you can.
Luv n Hugs
Jacqui

Hi Bridget!

I am keeping my fingers crossed for you!!!!

I am sorry that you don't fell right about this pg. I really wish there was something that I could do for you. I wish I was closer! You know I am here to listen any time you need me. I amthinking aout you lots and wishing the days move quickly for you so you can have your scan.



Jenn

Congratulations Bridget

Huggles
Kim

Well it happened. A reason for my impending doom feeling. Yesterday morning while making the bed, I felt a sharp intense pain in my left lower abdomen. I went to the bathroom and had a little light pink spotting. The pain kept getting worse and was moving into my lower back, and I was unable to walk.

I called the dr. office (I didn't think they were open due to a holiday over here) but luckily they were. They asked me to come in right away fearing I might be carrying an ectopic. I called Josh home from work, he took me in.

Well..........
The baby is fine, measures exactly 8 weeks, had a nice heartbeat. They also did a pelvic exam, and couldn't find any bleeding. So it's not the baby. My doctor sent me over to the emergency room, because I was still in alot of pain. Turns out........I HAVE A KIDNEY STONE. They doped me up with some strong narcotics, did a ultrasound of the kidneys which looked ok (but you cant see a stone on an ultrasound). and sent me home after 4 hours of IV therapy to pass the stone in peacful overdose narcotic bliss.

I am still having some cramping in that left side this morning, but still haven't passed that darned stone yet (if it really is there).

In the midst of all this, I also found out my sister in law is pregnant again. She and I were pregnant at the same time last year. Of course my son died at 35 weeks and she went on to deliver a litttle girl 2 months later. I'm still not even able to hold my neice or really look at her. The pain is still to strong when I think of how close in age my son would be to her. So I think some of the doomed feeling is that I can't have a repeat of last year with her having a baby, and myself having a grave to visit. I think this just may be the longest pregnancy in history!!!!!!!

Bridget

Hi Bridget

Wow, you have been through a lot since you last posted. I am so happy that your little bubs is looking great for dates but the "kidney stone" sounds really painful and stressful. A friend of mine recently spent a week in hospital on morphine after a similar experience and the doctors put it down to gall stones despite seeing nothing on the ultrasound. Her pain eventually passed and she hasn't had any trouble since (it's been over a month) but she is still on tenderhooks about it all.

Anyway, fingers crossed your pain (and kidney stone) passes soon and you can get on with growing that precious wee bean of yours.

Take care.

Claire

I hope the stone passes quickly Bridget. You have enough to deal with without this as well.

Well sounds like you have been through alot - thankgoodness your little 8 weeker is doing well.

I hope you are feeling much more comfortable really soon.

Oh, you poor thing Bridget, not the nicest thing to have to deal with at the moment. Hope the pain goes away really soon.
On a happier note, I'm so happy your little bubs is all good.

Take care
Jacqui

Congrats on the pregnancy Bridget, I hope seeing the heartbeat has reassured you a little. And bugger about the kidney stone, I hope it passes quickly for you.
I remember when I was first preg this pregnancy I just couldn't picture myself actually being pregnant. Freaked out a lot in first tri and had 3 U/S just to reassure me. Now I fin dit helps to break it down into smaller little milestones, like I just wanted to get to 12 weeks, then to be able to feel the babies move, then 20 weeks, and now I am counting down to 24 weeks when my babies will be medically viable (although I'd like to keep them in for a good 3 months or so yet!) I just find it helps make the whole thing not seem so long and scary, and I am amazed how quickly the time has gone.

Firstly I want to say congratulations on your pregnancy - sending you HEAPS of sticky vibes.

Am glad to hear your pain hasn't been because of your wee baby - so happy to hear he/she is doing well

I hope your stone passes soon - I can imagine that's not very nice!

You take care of yourself and get heaps of rest - thinking of you - Telly

Bridget- Big congrads on your pregnancy...yah for an 8 weeker and heartbeat.!
Hope you are feeling better now fter your ti in hospital and your pains have all gone.
Look forward to reading all your updates for a long and healthy pregnancy